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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect a refund or at least some patience and understanding?

41 replies

catgirl222 · 01/02/2025 00:04

Hi all, looking for some clarity and help with how to handle this situation. I have been involved with quite an active hobby for my entire life which has a specific community around it.
In November I saw an advert on a local Facebook group selling some items related to my hobby. I contacted the seller, who was based about an hour and a half away from me, expressing that I wanted to buy them (around £50 which is quite expensive for what they were but they were convenient and I wanted them.) The seller agreed however made it clear that she wanted payment prior to me collecting the items so that she knew I was a genuine buyer. I do not know her personally but know we have mutual friends and had heard of her so assumed (perhaps foolishly) that she was trustworthy and I sent her the money. I arranged to collect the items the following week.
However, prior to me collecting the items I had a very serious accident related to the hobby. I had multiple broken bones, including broken back, hip and pelvis and was hospitalised. I have been going through intensive physiotherapy and treatment to recover and I am only just starting to walk again, I have not yet returned to work.
I contacted the seller whilst still in hospital expressing that I would no longer be able to collect the items as planned as I could not travel due to the accident. I requested a refund and stated that I was happy for her to keep £10 as an apology for the inconvenience of holding them.
The seller responded very bluntly stating that injuries were to be expected considering the nature of the hobby, she did not do refunds and that I could rearrange to collect the items at another time, or arrange for someone else to collect them on my behalf. I explained that I would be recovering for at least 12 weeks and would not be able to collect, and the seller again reiterated that she would hold the items as she does not offer refunds.
I have since been working towards recovering as well as reevaluating my attachment to the hobby in general due to the inherent danger associated with it which has been put into perspective following my accident. I have not spoken to the seller since and it has not yet even been 12 weeks since the accident. However, this evening I received a message from the seller stating “I think it is about time you collect your items. If not, I will post them at an extra cost.”
AIBU to think this is quite rude and inappropriate? I have already made it clear to the seller that I cannot collect for at least 12 weeks following the accident (it has been 8 weeks) and suggested alternatives such as a refund, even offering her to keep a portion of the money. I am not sure how to respond going forwards, any advice appreciated.

OP posts:

Anononony · 01/02/2025 00:07

She is being a bit shitty and definitely not being understanding, but could someone else not swung by and grab it for you? Especially if you have mutual friends and it's a fairly local sale

Negroany · 01/02/2025 00:08

Well, she doesn't know you and probably thinks you're trying it on. She won't know the truth about your accident.

I suggest you arrange for the things to get collected, or agree for her to send them, and you sell them on to get some of the money back.

It sounds really hard and this is the last thing you need on your mind, but it's also not her fault.

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 00:09

Can you not instruct your bank/PayPal to claim the money back.
I'm confused why you would pay a random person before actually seeing/handling the items.

PrincessofWells · 01/02/2025 00:09

It's harsh but your mistake was to pay in advance. You either

tell her you changed your mind and forgo the money and the goods
arrange and pay for her to post the items
arrange for a friend to collect the items.

You have no oriher options. Personally I would refund the money and wish you well, but she is not me.

ARealitycheck · 01/02/2025 00:11

As a regular seller online, The amount of deaths, serious injuries, instances of cat/dog/child/budgie used my computer etc I get is unbelievable. Get somebody to collect and sell or put them aside until you are well enough.

stanleypops66 · 01/02/2025 00:11

Sounds like you've had significant injuries. Personally I'd not stress myself over £40 and focus on the recovery. She could've been much more understanding though you shouldn't have sent full payment before collection.

HereForTheAnimals · 01/02/2025 00:13

You broke your back, hip and pelvis? I'd probably just tell her to stick the equipment up her arse, lose the 50 quid and never do the hobby again. Did it involve horses? 🤣

Hope you get better soon OP. You are much braver than me.

HereForTheAnimals · 01/02/2025 00:15

Oh she's an uncompassionate shit bag for sure

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 01/02/2025 00:17

I'd tell her to get to fuck keep the items and hope that karma catches up with her.

Paisleyandpolkadots · 01/02/2025 00:18

If I sell something I do expect it to be picked up somewhere before 12 weeks. She might not be feeling sympathetic if it's a dangerous sport - riding? I got out of riding a few years ago after seeing a near disaster with a fellow rider. It just woke me up to the facts that I could be very badly injured in a split second. Can you just pay for a courier? Good to hear you're on the mend.

JulianFawcettMP · 01/02/2025 00:28

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 00:09

Can you not instruct your bank/PayPal to claim the money back.
I'm confused why you would pay a random person before actually seeing/handling the items.

This is clearly explained in the OP where she also admits it may have been foolish. So drop the faux confusion. People make mistakes.

JollyViper · 01/02/2025 00:31

JulianFawcettMP · 01/02/2025 00:28

This is clearly explained in the OP where she also admits it may have been foolish. So drop the faux confusion. People make mistakes.

Show quote history

It's not faux confusion.
I'm genuinely baffled that ppl do this, she could have got there and the items were not as good as suggested or nothing like what it said, so why pay beforehand?

Wisterical · 01/02/2025 00:44

Forget about it, you've got far more important stuff to concentrate on. Good luck with your recovery.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 01/02/2025 00:48

I reckon she's spent the money already so can't afford to refund you.

MrsJHernandez · 01/02/2025 03:28

If it was me, I'd just refund you. But as PP said, she probably spent the money and can't afford to refund you.

She's being a bit of a cow IMO, if that's how she's been speaking to you.

There's not much you can do if you can't get there, send someone else or pay for delivery. You could take her to small claims court, but it's obviously not worth the time, effort or cost!

How did you pay? Try claiming it back from PayPal or your bank. PayPal are usually very good, and quick.

I've never bought anything from FB marketplace, are there rules people need to follow? Maybe she's breaking one of those rules and you can report it. Not sure how that could help you though.

I wish you a speedy recovery OP. Stay away from horses, ski slope, base jumping or skydiving (or whatever it was!) x

TheVeryAudacity · 01/02/2025 06:55

She's being a dick. I'd say write the whole thing off but I wouldn't want to give her the opportunity to put them up for sale again and make the money twice. Since you've got mutual friends couldn't one of them collect them from her?

I sell a few bits of marketplace and I've had people transfer the money before they've seen the items a few times now, but never as high an amount. Plus I've never asked them to and I would refund if they couldn't collect, because I'm not a dick.

HotCrossBunplease · 01/02/2025 07:34

How exactly is she going to get the postage money from you?

In the grand scheme of things this is nothing. Focus on your recovery, write off the cost and forget about it all.

gamerchick · 01/02/2025 07:42

Why haven't you sent someone to collect?

Lifestooshort71 · 01/02/2025 07:55

gamerchick · 01/02/2025 07:42

Why haven't you sent someone to collect?

Because she no longer wants the items probably? I'm sympathetic, it sounds a dreadful accident, but I'm with the seller on this one.

LePetitMaman · 01/02/2025 08:04

Sorry about your accident. However you've got zero right to a refund.

It might be a nice thing to do for her to send all the money back. But it's very strange that you've been this badly injured and you're giving this any headspace at all.

You asked. You aren't entitled to it. She says no anyway. Move on and focus on your recovery.

Overthebow · 01/02/2025 08:10

She asked for money to advance to avoid non-serious buyers who don’t turn up. You haven’t turned up. People use excuses like this all the time and she doesn’t know you’re genuine and are actually injured.

Mumbodadhd · 01/02/2025 08:10

I'd just move on. I dont think you're entitled to a refund, and you've got bigger things on your mind right now. Guessing its horses? I gave up riding a while back, no regrets! Health is precious.

Octopies · 01/02/2025 08:16

Would it be expensive to have them posted? I do think given the circumstances YANBU to think the seller could refund. Presumably the £50 was the cost of buying the items outright rather than a deposit? In which case I don't see how people can think you were trying to scam the seller in some way.

AgnesX · 01/02/2025 08:21

She sounds bloody minded but... You did buy them and private sales are very much caveat emptor.

Given her response, cut your losses and either get them collected or pay the postage. I think it's something you'll have to put down to experience.

McSpoot · 01/02/2025 08:21

suggested alternatives such as a refund, even offering her to keep a portion of the money

But you haven't "suggest alternatives such as a refund". That would mean that you have provided a few (or least last two) options, one of which is a refund. You are basically demanding a refund.

Yes, it would have been nice if she had been more flexible, but I don't think you can demand a refund in the circumstances.

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