AIBU to expect a refund or at least some patience and understanding?

[catgirl222]

Hi all, looking for some clarity and help with how to handle this situation. I have been involved with quite an active hobby for my entire life which has a specific community around it.
In November I saw an advert on a local Facebook group selling some items related to my hobby. I contacted the seller, who was based about an hour and a half away from me, expressing that I wanted to buy them (around £50 which is quite expensive for what they were but they were convenient and I wanted them.) The seller agreed however made it clear that she wanted payment prior to me collecting the items so that she knew I was a genuine buyer. I do not know her personally but know we have mutual friends and had heard of her so assumed (perhaps foolishly) that she was trustworthy and I sent her the money. I arranged to collect the items the following week.
However, prior to me collecting the items I had a very serious accident related to the hobby. I had multiple broken bones, including broken back, hip and pelvis and was hospitalised. I have been going through intensive physiotherapy and treatment to recover and I am only just starting to walk again, I have not yet returned to work.
I contacted the seller whilst still in hospital expressing that I would no longer be able to collect the items as planned as I could not travel due to the accident. I requested a refund and stated that I was happy for her to keep £10 as an apology for the inconvenience of holding them.
The seller responded very bluntly stating that injuries were to be expected considering the nature of the hobby, she did not do refunds and that I could rearrange to collect the items at another time, or arrange for someone else to collect them on my behalf. I explained that I would be recovering for at least 12 weeks and would not be able to collect, and the seller again reiterated that she would hold the items as she does not offer refunds.
I have since been working towards recovering as well as reevaluating my attachment to the hobby in general due to the inherent danger associated with it which has been put into perspective following my accident. I have not spoken to the seller since and it has not yet even been 12 weeks since the accident. However, this evening I received a message from the seller stating “I think it is about time you collect your items. If not, I will post them at an extra cost.”
AIBU to think this is quite rude and inappropriate? I have already made it clear to the seller that I cannot collect for at least 12 weeks following the accident (it has been 8 weeks) and suggested alternatives such as a refund, even offering her to keep a portion of the money. I am not sure how to respond going forwards, any advice appreciated.

Ask her to post them. When you receive them you can transfer her the amount, as she has already had your money for the items she ‘knows you are a genuine buyer’…

She does sound a right snoty bitch though, I’m assuming the hobby is horse riding, she should be more understanding of how easily you can be injured.
Hope you continue to recover well 💐

The OP is 'reevaluating her hobby' since her accident - she no longer wants the items.

It was two options: refund or wait 12 weeks for me to collect, she agreed to the second one which was why I was surprised to receive the message from her after 8 weeks.
I don’t really feel I can ask anyone to collect it as it is so far away (about an hour and a half). I have definitely learned my lesson regarding sending money prior to collection.
You are all right that it is silly to focus on this at the moment and I think I will just cut my losses regarding it and tell her to keep the items.
It was indeed horse related!

I'd see how much postage or courier is and go with that option if not ridiculous.

I agree she could have been more understanding but I suppose from her point of view, people do change their minds, make stuff up and let people down when buying and selling on line (not saying this is you at all, obviously you are genuine but many people arent!) so she is probably a bit wary and not wanting to loose out on a sale that was a sure thing.

For £50 in the circumstances I would let it go. She isn't going to refund and it sounds likevyou no longer want the stuff.
I'd message her and say so.

i never pay up front for items from a private seller and would have offered cash on collection like it or lump it. What would have happened if the items are not as expected?

I think you only have yourself to blame sorry. If you really wanted the items, you could take the offer of delivery or send someone to collect.

Can you not get them posted to you and then re sell them on? You would lose much less money than your £50 then! Sorry to hear you’ve had an accident! Some horsey people are so horrible!

I'd write off the money and tell her that given the severity of your accident you no longer want the items. She might see sense and give you the partial refund that you'd previously requested, but otherwise just write her off as a person wholly lacking in compassion. I'm sorry you've been through this OP and and it certainly seems like you could do without the additional stress of negotiating about this sale.

Sounds sensible OP. Your recovery is worth more.
She has been unsympathetic but may well be doubting your honesty based on experience with past buyers.
Do hope you are soon recovered.

But op has paid.
Of course she's serious.

I'd forgo the money, draw a line and move on. You need the headspace.

Maybe ask the seller to consider making a donation to a riding* for the disabled charity with any profit from selling the items a second time.

*or wherever sport it is.

Pay for postage (and resell if you don't want them) or write it off. It's not worth the aggro in your situation and I have to say, regular sellers will have heard all manner of mad people's bogus excuses which unfortunately spoils it when the rare genuine catastrophe strikes. Sure it'd be nice if she was more understanding, but bottom line is she's a remote seller and she doesn't owe you anything, whereas you owe her to either collect/post the items, or to tell her she's free to resell them.

(Edit to say just seen your update - had page open a while to reply so missed it - and glad you've got some perspective. Good luck with your recovery!)

If it was me, and I am petty, I would say on a Facebook group, or any hobby group chat you have, that you sent the money for these, didn’t collect due to the accident and now cannot go and get them, does anyone want to go and collect the items and keep them for nothing, so they don’t go to waste (and she can’t sell them again). Then other people involved will know what a cow she is, someone will benefit from the equipment, and you can focus on your recovery.

I think the crux of it is you don't want the items now after the accident (understable) and so you want a refund, because you don't want to be stuck with them.
That's not really the sellers fault though, and she has offered a solution to you not being able to collect - she will post them to you.
I'd either go with that, and then resell or just cut my losses completely and tell her you can't collect, won't be home to receive the parcel and no one else can collect so if she's not able to refund you'll have to forgo the items and money.
I do think she's being unreasonable to have agreed to 12 weeks and then started hassling after 8. But I also don't think there's a lot you can do as essentially you've not collected and not agreed to an alternative to get the items like them being posted.

Personally if I had already spent the money as the seller and couldn't refund, and the buyer couldn't collect, I'd offer delivery, posting or a refund if I managed to sell again and refund you when that happens, but although I would absolutely stick to that, I realise it's a big risk and she may well sell again and not bother to refund you.

I'm sorry about your accident, I think at some point many equestrians suffer an injury or injuries that cause you to re-evaluate why you do it, it's a dangerous hobby where no one has to even do anything 'wrong' for it to end badly. My 'aha' moment was getting wiped out in the field when a sodding bird flew out of a bush, I mean a perfectly understandable reaction from the horses as prey animals, but might have been nice if they'd gone around me instead of over the top of me!
Wishing you a speedy recovery from your injuries.

She sounds like a bitch. Screenshot her rude and unkind messages to every mutual friend you have and consider it £50 well spent.

£50 in horse terms is nothing. I would write it off and concentrate on getting better and invest in an air vest. Hope you're back in the saddle soon