To not want to visit this couple- both heavy smokers

[bagpuss90]

We have been invited to our friends house for dinner. I really like them both - but they are both heavy smokers. They even smoke at the dinner table. When I leave there - well I stink . My clothes, my hair- I find it really quite revolting. I have to shower and wash my hair when I get home. Im also mildly asthmatic- I end up wheezy and tight chested . I want to suggest we meet up in a pub or restaurant- so it won’t be an issue. It’s their house - so their rules and also their bodies But I don’t want it inflicted on me.My DP thinks I should suck it up as it’s only for a cpl hours.

I wouldn't go, as smoke gives me a migraine. However as it's their house you can't say anything.

Your suggestion of a pub/restaurant is a great shout and you can say that you don't want your friend to go to the trouble of cooking etc - spin it as a treat for her.

Just say you dislike smoking and suggest meeting in a pub or restaurant. I was in a pub last year and a good friend had a table on the patio and was smoking. She asked me and my partner to join her. I actually said no and stayed inside the bar as even outside you still go home stinking of smoke. Just politely decline and say it’s because of the smoking.

I wouldn’t go to anyone’s house who smokes indoors, for anything let alone for dinner.

Why on earth should you "suck it up"! Just be honest.

Suggest dinner out, split bill.

I wouldn’t go and I’d tell them it was because I couldn’t bear being in an environment where someone smoked.

Agree with dinner out suggestion - I would be honest - it affects your asthma so you can’t be in an environment where people are smoking.

it would be just as valid if you just didn’t like it but this is at least something they can’t be offended at.

Absolutely not a chance.
Smoking at dinner🤢.
Even the suggestion when you are asthmatic would piss me off.

I often have to visit smokers in their houses for work.
Ten minutes is a struggle if they're really heavy smokers. No way would I eat a meal in one.
Politely tell them the truth, you love their company but can't stand the smell of smoke.

This is why I no longer visit my Mum at her house. It's gotten so bad I can't stand to be there for more than a few minutes at a time, it hurts my eyes and my throat and I absolutely stink when I leave. There's just no way I can eat there anymore so it's meals at my house or a restaurant now.

I am an occasional smoker and I couldn’t stand that. Smoking indoors is revolting.

I don’t blame you, no way would I go!

I'd love to come over but my asthmas is playing up and I don't want to risk exacerbating it with smoke, they might turn round and say they will smoke outside, I am an ex smoker, I would not have been offended

I very definitely would not go. Not a chance. And it is nothing to do with it being bad for you, I just always hated it. Hated it as a kid when loads of people smoked, hated it all the way through childhood, hated it as an adult and was delighted, really over the moon when it was banned from restaurants and pubs.

I remember that awful stench, you'd come home from a night out and have to throw your clothes in the washing machine and have a shower and wash your hair otherwise the whole house stank.

It wouldn't be an option, nothing to discuss, just a flat no.

Nope, I wouldn’t fraternize indoors with smokers. Filthy habit. And it stinks, and I don’t want to smell of it.

No chance in hell I’d go.

I stopped visiting a friend of mine who smoked heavily in the house. I’d leave and my clothes would absolutely reek of fag ash. She vapes now but I also find that gross, someone puffing out plumes of fruity air. I can’t bare the smell of them and think it’s quite anti social when someone sits in a house puffing away on one.

I’d actually struggle to eat in a house that had two smokers, especially if they were smoking at the table so no I quite literally wouldn’t be able to “suck it up”. Plus if it was vapes I’d find it just as bad, the constant sicky sweet smell you get from the plumes of smoke on high streets now knocks me sick.

Just don't go that's awful and they are selfish if they plan to smoke all over you.

Surely a good friend would offer to go outside if they had to smoke.
What horrible people expecting to.inflict their poison on their friends.
With friends like that who needs enemies.
Just don't go op. Tell them why.
Surely they wouldn't be surprised that nobody wants to sit in that unhealthy stink geez.

I think the thing is they’re from a different generation, and a time when it was socially acceptable . Anyway I’ve messaged suggesting we eat out

I bet they have managed to get up to speed on other things that weren't the norm in their generation. They are making a choice.

And anyway, you are not trying to stop them being disgusting, you are just saying you don't want to put yourself through them being disgusting up close and personal.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

They sound like idiots

It's quite reasonable to say you are asthmatic, very sensitive to smoke and can't be in a closed space where people have been smoking for more than a few minutes without suffering later even if you manage it for a short time without obvious symptoms.
Better to be honest than to pretend you want to spare them the trouble of cooking. They may love cooking and insist that you come to them every time, since you obviously find it a burden!

And what have you said to your selfish fucker of a partner who clearly doesn't understand how painful and dangerous asthma can be?

I think that's a bigger problem.

It’s not been acceptable for decades. They’ve had time to catch up! Hopefully they’ll agree. Smoking inside is beyond gross.