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Original poster

14yo odd quiz at school- do I complain

183 replies

Cornecopia · 31/01/2025 07:01

My ds came home yesterday and said that he had to fill in an online form ( not just him the whole of his year) and the questions were- what is your sexual orientation, are you comfortable in your gender, have you had sexual experiences, have you ever sent or received inappropriate pictures.
I understand some questions are safeguarding views. But bloody hell the sexual orientation etc why on earth is that relevant to my sons schooling?? I just feel his privacy has been really invaded and he doesn’t know himself whether he’s is straight/gay or whatever- I did ask him if there was. ‘Prefer not to say’ option and he said yes but the teacher said not to use that!
I just don’t really know what to think about it all

OP posts:
denhaag · 31/01/2025 08:25

@sonnunny I've googled various things, but can't find what questionnaire you might be referring to. Do you have a link?
I don't recall my son telling me about it (he's nearly 16 and year 11 so maybe he didn't do one).

JollyZebra · 31/01/2025 08:27

Speak to the teacher. There may he a valid reason for the questionnaire. I would also point out that she should not be telling the pupils not to tick a particular option. I would expect these replies to be anonymous, if that is the case, your son could answer freely that he'd prefer not too say. Knowing 14 year olds, if it's anonymous they'll have a bit of fun with their answers, anyway - I know I would have!

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 31/01/2025 08:27

Official or not, it's a red flag to me when any adult asks a 14yo what their sexual orientation is - which is basically a slightly politer way of asking "Whom do you like having/want to have sex with?"

By all means ask whom they are romantically attracted to - even whom they 'fancy' - but asking an underage child about their sex lives is highly concerning.

LimeGoose · 31/01/2025 08:27

It’s absolutely unreasonable for children to be asked whether they’re comfortable in their ‘gender’ when no teenager is comfortable in their body and the concept of gender is undefinable without the use of rigid sex stereotypes. If those were the actual words used this is very worrying.

CarefulN0w · 31/01/2025 08:28

Teachers will know if they have pupils who are likely to answer most questions as "prefer not to say" out of laziness. It really does matter what words were used, but encouraging students to answer the questions would be OK with me.

Diomi · 31/01/2025 08:29

I wouldn’t over think it. These type of things are usually completed in a rush by a slightly frazzled teacher. One member of the class might deliver an impromptu protest speech about the school or government, depending on the personalities in the class and how engaged they are. Most teenagers are pretty sceptical about them and will tick it a bit randomly (or only tick ‘prefer not to say’) because they are teenagers and think everyone in the world will be looking at their answers. Then afterwards there will be loud discussion, where they all talk over each other, about how outrageously intrusive the questions were. Then they will head off to their lessons where they will grumble to the next teacher about it, in order to put off getting on with any work.

When they get home they will dramatically complain to their parents about it, knowing full well that they didn’t tick anything that they didn’t want to tick.

I would tell my child that they can always tick the ‘prefer not to say’ box and that would be my parenting done.

Littoralzone · 31/01/2025 08:30

NewFriendlyLadybird · 31/01/2025 08:21

Very relevant. People are getting worked up over something they do not know anything about. They’re just imagining stuff.

Show quote history

If the survey was about if they preferred broccoli to cauliflower they would still be entitled to op out or put prefer not to say.

DrBlackbird · 31/01/2025 08:31

ElBandito · 31/01/2025 07:54

My child has been asked to answer a questionnaire like this recently, but is a younger age group. We had the choice to opt out. We did, not because of the questions, but because every time they do something like this at school re mental health I find my child's mental health dips. Rest of the time they are fine.

I think the problem is that in our case child tends to think too hard about the answers and then starts to doubt whether they are happy, have good friendships etc.

I'd be really interested if they ever add a section to something like this asking the participants how completing the questions has made them feel.

You reminded me of a time years ago that a school counsellor was asking students if they "ever felt hopeless about their future". My DC started to wonder ‘do they’ and became upset. So many poorly worded or incautiously worded personal questions and surveys. Sometimes deliberately worded. Yet, asking questions is not a neutral act. It is a powerful exercise esp for children as it can easily introduce or implant ideas that may have never occurred to them otherwise.

CurlewKate · 31/01/2025 08:32

@Hoardasurass
Be grateful that it wasn't the Scottish government's 1 as that asks about sex, sexual acts and rape and sexual abuse with no care or counselling for traumatised children who are expected to disclose the csa that they've endured in class and then get straight back to work"

Wow-that sounds awful. Do you have a link?

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 31/01/2025 08:33

sonnunny · 31/01/2025 07:08

Why would you complain if it's about flagging up issues and offering support ?

Exactly right and since it’s national why exactly do you want the school to do.

MH around sexuality is a big thing and asking kids if they are okay is important.

So many get so upset that the schools aren’t doing enough and when the NHS ask questions to identify those who may need help it’s wrong.

Who really cares? Move on.

Littoralzone · 31/01/2025 08:33

CarefulN0w · 31/01/2025 08:28

Teachers will know if they have pupils who are likely to answer most questions as "prefer not to say" out of laziness. It really does matter what words were used, but encouraging students to answer the questions would be OK with me.

Laziness is as legitimate reason as any to not want to complete an optional survey.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/01/2025 08:34

"Prefer not to say" is an answer. If a child wants to tick "prefer not to say" for every question then that is their right and they are completing the questionnaire correctly. The teacher should have said so.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 31/01/2025 08:35

DalzielOrNoDalzielAndDontPascoe · 31/01/2025 08:27

Official or not, it's a red flag to me when any adult asks a 14yo what their sexual orientation is - which is basically a slightly politer way of asking "Whom do you like having/want to have sex with?"

By all means ask whom they are romantically attracted to - even whom they 'fancy' - but asking an underage child about their sex lives is highly concerning.

What are you on about. Attraction and having sex aren’t the same thing. I think you are overreacting.

Littoralzone · 31/01/2025 08:36

DrBlackbird · 31/01/2025 08:31

You reminded me of a time years ago that a school counsellor was asking students if they "ever felt hopeless about their future". My DC started to wonder ‘do they’ and became upset. So many poorly worded or incautiously worded personal questions and surveys. Sometimes deliberately worded. Yet, asking questions is not a neutral act. It is a powerful exercise esp for children as it can easily introduce or implant ideas that may have never occurred to them otherwise.

Show quote history

100% this

NewFriendlyLadybird · 31/01/2025 08:37

Littoralzone · 31/01/2025 08:30

If the survey was about if they preferred broccoli to cauliflower they would still be entitled to op out or put prefer not to say.

Show quote history

Yeah, but we still don’t know exactly what happened do we?

m00rfarm · 31/01/2025 08:40

Silvertulips · 31/01/2025 07:25

It’s a national survey. Do you not see the result highlights every year? How else are they supposed to gather information for planning?

I just feel his privacy has been really invaded and he doesn’t know himself whether he’s is straight/gay or whatever

He does know, so do you! Being gay isn’t a choice or lifestyle option. It’s who they are.

And maybe they have not got to the point where they know. Just because YOU say they should know is entirely irrelevant.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/01/2025 08:46

And ideally there should be some kind of "don't know/don't care" option as well, which is not the same as "prefer not to say". There might be one, I haven't seen the questionnaire.

Or (sarcasm hat on!) they could ask "how many hours a day do you spend perseverating on the correct label for your gender identity or sexual orientation?" as that would be a fine indicator for pupils needing MH support.

Littoralzone · 31/01/2025 08:49

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 31/01/2025 08:46

And ideally there should be some kind of "don't know/don't care" option as well, which is not the same as "prefer not to say". There might be one, I haven't seen the questionnaire.

Or (sarcasm hat on!) they could ask "how many hours a day do you spend perseverating on the correct label for your gender identity or sexual orientation?" as that would be a fine indicator for pupils needing MH support.

I agree. ‘Prefer not to say’ suggests one of the options is correct but you are not saying which. It gives validity to a question which may not be valid - like ‘what is your gender?’

Horatioed · 31/01/2025 08:50

sonnunny · 31/01/2025 07:08

Why would you complain if it's about flagging up issues and offering support ?

I’d complain because some ideas are bad and this is one of them. Just because the premise of the idea is good doesn’t mean that its application is good. This form could easily add to the distress of already distressed adolescents. Privacy is very important at this age and “prefer not to say” should be a heavily emphasised option.

Greywhippet · 31/01/2025 08:51

It’s a questionnaire all schools use, it’s important to collect data in order to be able to support young people. Complaining would be a very peculiar thing to do

Lovelysummerdays · 31/01/2025 08:51

I remember having to fill that in myself 30 years ago. I’d never had sex and they were asking about anal/ oral. It could be better put together. I think there should be a have you ever participated in sex if no skip to …

I do think we should be much more discouraging of under age sex in this country. I remember being utterly shocked at the idea that there children my age would be saying yes to these questions.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 31/01/2025 08:51

If it's the BeeWell survey, there's a massive issue with numerous aspects of it.
It's a commercial enterprise harvesting children's data with some very dubious practices about confidentiality and plans in the future use this data and match it to a child's adult health and other data! See this discussion

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5209872-the-beewell-survey

It's also unhelpfully steeped in gender ideology:

https://www.transgendertrend.com/beewell-pupil-wellbeing-gender-identity-indoctrination/

Pupil wellbeing or gender identity indoctrination? The #BeeWell survey

#Beewell surveys ostensibly collect data on mental health and wellbeing but their methods are pure indoctrination in gender ideology.

https://www.transgendertrend.com/beewell-pupil-wellbeing-gender-identity-indoctrination

YourHappyJadeEagle · 31/01/2025 08:52

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 31/01/2025 07:15

Collecting data (anonymously) is very important for understanding society and making appropriate decisions

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If that is its purpose then that that should have been explained to the children beforehand. As should the prefer not to answer choice. As should filling in the form is entirely voluntary, not compulsory.

I hope it wasn’t described as a quiz. It should have been described as a questionnaire or data gathering.

Smallsalt · 31/01/2025 08:53

I told the school that my kids were not to do the survey.

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