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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refusing to travel with 4 month old and 2 dogs

59 replies

FeeTie · 30/01/2025 23:24

Just really don’t know what to make of this situation!

We had our first child 4 months ago.

Husbands family all live 2 hours away (realistically 3 hours plus with a stop for dogs/baby and the M25)

Husbands parents have visited, however his siblings (all significantly older) have not, despite being invited to come to visit new member of the family numerous times.

We are now expected by the parents to visit them to allow his siblings to meet our baby.

AIBU to think that if they can’t make the effort to see us, we are not going to them!!

Why should we face the upheaval and stress of going on a trip to the parents just so the siblings can meet our baby?

OP posts:
Quiinkong · 31/01/2025 11:22

FeeTie · 30/01/2025 23:24

Just really don’t know what to make of this situation!

We had our first child 4 months ago.

Husbands family all live 2 hours away (realistically 3 hours plus with a stop for dogs/baby and the M25)

Husbands parents have visited, however his siblings (all significantly older) have not, despite being invited to come to visit new member of the family numerous times.

We are now expected by the parents to visit them to allow his siblings to meet our baby.

AIBU to think that if they can’t make the effort to see us, we are not going to them!!

Why should we face the upheaval and stress of going on a trip to the parents just so the siblings can meet our baby?

You're absolutely right OP. Why didn't the parents force the siblings to go to you instead? Honestly, i wouldn't make that journey. They can see my baby on his first birthday, unless they wouldn't be able to make it to that either! Yanbu

Newmumburnout · 31/01/2025 11:56

Hoover2025 · 31/01/2025 01:45

4 months!

We are going to an abroad wedding with 2/ 3 hour drive then planes, then drive with an 8 week old and a toddler. Yes that is mad but it’s going to happen somehow.

So sorry YABU.

Your mad as a hatter 🤣🤣

Mnetcurious · 31/01/2025 12:00

“We are now expected by the parents to visit them to allow his siblings to meet our baby”

Are his parents in charge of you then? It’s your decision, not theirs. Tell them that the people who should be making the effort to visit are his siblings, not you. If it’s important to them to meet the baby, they’ll come.

Yanbu, just say no.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 31/01/2025 12:10

Just tell mil you have sent the siblings your address and leave it there..

Hoover2025 · 31/01/2025 12:33

Newmumburnout · 31/01/2025 11:56

Your mad as a hatter 🤣🤣

Show quote history

I know!

Hufflemuff · 31/01/2025 12:34

No fuck them. They should have come to you.

I'd be telling you to get over it, if it was a family event and they actually made effort to come down and visit you after the baby was born, but they didn't. So fuck them!

Edenmum2 · 31/01/2025 12:35

Do you want them to meet your baby? If you're not bothered then don't go. Personally I would have done but I'm quite close to my family

thepariscrimefiles · 31/01/2025 13:07

FeeTie · 31/01/2025 09:01

Thanks all - interesting to hear other’s opinions.

I do find it stressful to be in the car with my little one & 2 dogs for what will be at a minimum 4.5hours of driving in a day unfortunately. The little one also really doesn’t sleep for more than 30mins in the car and we will have to stop. But each to their own if it’s not a problem for you, then great.

The in-laws don't have any school age children, so realistically it’s a much easier journey for them.

I feel for my husband as it’s our first child, and i guess it would have been nice for his siblings to make the effort.
I am annoyed that his parents tbh for suggesting this.
livinglavivababyshower - your last sentence, I hadn’t thought of it that way.

It sounds as though it is your PILs who are desparate for your DH's siblings to meet the baby, rather than the siblings themselves, otherwise his siblings would have made the effort to visit.

I certainly wouldn't make the journey if you find it too difficult when they obviously aren't that bothered about meeting your baby.

It's not really your DH's parents business to tell you that it is your responsibility to visit his siblings.

Puppyyikes · 31/01/2025 13:14

This would be a no from me. Unless DH is really keen to show his siblings the baby? His parents’ opinion irrelevant really. They’re not your boss.

I would invite the siblings again, and the parents, in a clear way (email thread?). Make it some nice event (pub lunch?), be very welcoming and excited. If they still can’t be bothered, and there’s no reason they can’t travel - then it’s on them.

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