Two thirds of adults in England are obese or overweight. It would make as much sense to ask what is different about the other one third.

[H0TK]

This was a comment I read elsewhere. I thought it was an interesting comment.

Rather than wondering what is wrong with overweight people and why they eat like they do. What is different about the people who are not overweight?

They do not eat as badly as those who are overweight

Because I want to be slim more than I want to eat something nice.

I would love to eat dessert everyday or have seconds every night. I love eating.

There is nothing I like more than an evening on the sofa, double portions of dinner, followed by sharing a big bag of crisps or chocolate.

But I can't do that and be slim and being slim is more important.

I actively have to fight the urge to eat for fun all evening because the kitchen is always tempting me with chocolate and other delicious things, but I have to cognitively tell myself that I'm choosing not to eat.

I'm not slim because I'm happier eating smaller portions (I can eat huge volumes if I choose, and sometimes I do at a carvery or christmas) I'm slim because I virtuslly always say no to dessert, snacking and seconds. It's hard. I wish people would understand that slim people put in the effort to be slim, its not like you diet to a certain size and then a switch goes off and you magically have lots of healthy habits and don't miss recreational eating. It's hard! Every night , every meal, is a test of willpower not to overeat.

The statistics show they are likely to be more affluent, know more slim people ( there is really interesting research showing a sort of social contagion effect of obesity, even when two people never meet in real life), and to live in nicer areas. Affluent people can afford exercise gear, to travel to active hobbies and classes, live in nicer and safer areas to walk and run in, have easier access to healthy food and can afford it, and are more likely to be able to afford the things that free up time for exercise. They can also afford to do a wider variety of things with their free time, so less likely to crash with plates of cheap, calorific food in front of the tv each night.

I live in an affluent area and the vast majority of people here are overwhelmingly a healthy weight. Very few are obese.

Yes.
Smaller portions to begin with and stop eating before they feel full. No need to clear the plate unless you want to.

@User14March I don't accept that weight gain is inevitable as you get older. As long as you maintain lifelong good habits it's not hormones that make you gain weight it's food.

After yo-yo dieting throughout my 20-30s I'm simply done with willpower needed to resist food noise.

But I found environment makes big difference for sustained effort

• for example, when I am on holiday in interesting location, I just walk 10+ miles a day taking in all sights and I have little interest in food.
• but at home I have no interest in taking a walk around the block/park I've seen 1000x times
• my job is completely sedentary
• I wish I were exercise junkie and will not move unless absolutely necessary, but I was good at moving when I had toddlers - parks, outdoors and museums 2+ hrs every day. Too bad I don't like dogs.

For me it's because I want to look good, so I eat less (consciously) and exercise (moderately, usually just walking the dog). People might think I'm vain, but I take pride in my appearance and I care what I look like. I get my hair and nails done, regular facial treatments, do my make up (most days), love clothes, so being slim (to me) is an extension of that. I also have a public and professional facing role and don't want to stand doing a presentation worrying about what I look like.

I haven't always been slim though but made a big change nearly 10 years ago (after having dc). I lost 4 stone doing 5:2 and exercise. It really changed my eating habits. I don't eat now until around 2pm. I don't mind feeling hungry (just keep myself busy with work) and it usually comes in waves. I always have a big satisfying and tasty dinner. It's often harder to maintain at the weekends as there's less structure, but I allow myself treats anyway- wine and a takeaway/ meal out so I never feel I'm depriving myself. I always have a bag of almond and dried mango in my bag if I'm peckish to stop me buying a convenience sandwich if I'm out and about.

I don't agree that healthy food is always more expensive, yes certain fruits are but a lot of my veg is frozen and about £1 a bag in Lidl.

My friends are mostly slim. There's a mix between those who consciously monitor what they eat/ exercise and I have 2 who just aren't interested in food. I would say being in that social circle probably motivates me further.

This is you, but its not me.

I am slim but its not an effort. I am just in tune with my appetite. I eat when I am hungry and I stop when I am satiated. I eat what I want, when I want. Its really not an effort.

I used to overeat and have no connection with my hunger at all as I was just constantly overeating.. But I spent a year changing that (that year was hard work and effort) and getting in tune with my appetite and I am glad I did. For the two decades since I did that, food is no longer a source of stress or emotion or denial or reward at all.

That portion of roast chicken? 600 calories

Actually chicken is amazing and so few calories and fat for a good portion, and an absolute ton of protein. I have a good appetite but I don't think even I could eat a 600 calorie portion of roast chicken. Fried chicken though, sure. Chicken stopped me from being pescetarian as I realised what a convenient and tasty meat it was.

Nuts though, yeah. Good for you, but can you stop at ten cashew nuts?

Anyway, I'm not the best person to ask as I have been trying to get back just to BMI 25 for 15 years, since my weight settled after having DD2, and in fact I struggled to get to BMI 25 before I go pregnant but just about made it. But before I had DD1 I was BMI 20. I can't say that I never struggled with my weight before then, it went up and down from BMI 18 to 25, and it was at the top end by Y10 at school, say, but I was never very much overweight until after having children.

What I would say is that in all my efforts to keep exercising and lose weight I am actually 6kg lighter at age 49 than I was age 35- and most women put on 5kg - 15kg in that time so that in itself is a good thing, though as I get older and going through menopause and some of the cardiac aspects I have been reading about (and given my DM had a MI at 53) I am very keen to hit BMI 24 this year which means losing another 13kg and not strain my heart or other organs with extra weight. And I am 13kg lighter now than my heaviest in 2016/17.

I've been obese, overweight and I'm currently at a healthy weight. I have PCOS so getting to a healthy weight wasn't easy. I'm gluttonous to my core. I think about foods all the time and love snacking. I could easily polish off a share size bag of maltesers everyday.

For me the only thing that has worked is intermittent fasting. I have tried moderation and it doesn't work for me. But if I know I can't eat until my eating window I'm somehow okay with that. My blood sugars improved dramatically and my appetite reduced. I made other minor changes like going to bed earlier to watch tv because I was a late night snacker. I think it will always be hard work for me and I'm a fat person in a slim body.

My DH has never been overweight and just isn't motivated by food in the same way. He can eat a square of chocolate then leave the rest for weeks or forget about it. He doesn't like feeling too full and will leave food on his plate, whereas I would force it down.

This is very true of me. I am not skinny but I am slim. Aged 66 and the same weight as I was aged 26. 9.5 stone and 5'8".

I could gain weight.
If I ate pudding every day, biscuits between meals, cake in the afternoon, big crusty sandwich or chips for lunch, ice cream every night, I could probably gain a stone. I don't do those things because I never have. It's a lifetime habit. I don't actually feel deprived because I eat all those things sometimes and I eat anything I want at meal times.

Twiglets1 I am the same as you! Chocolate and sweeties are my downfall Im afraid .My slim friend will only have one course when out for lunch .My other friend and I will have at least 2! Dessert is always my choice ,less keen on starters .I like to look nice obv, but not obsessed by my dress size.My slim SIL also watches what she eats ,and admits she is often tempted .Just more willpower I guess.I also wonder if in the 60s/ where according to figures, some 70% of the men here and 40% women smoked (1962) played a part in previous generations weight(not general health obv).I was slim as a child/young woman but it has crept on over the years .

In an ideal world I would eat and drink what I liked without gaining weight. Unfortunately because that isn't the case I have to watch what I eat and eat "sensibly" so a day with something like porridge, soup and spaghetti bolognese and no wine instead of a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich, pasta with cheese for lunch then a pizza for dinner with the best part of a bottle of wine.

I still have times when I go a bit off the rails like Christmas and I do gain weight but I have to pull it back in order to lose what I've gained and not gain more.

I will never be one of those people who never indulges though, today I've had a bit of cake and some rocky road and tomorrow I'm going out for drinks.

I do a lot of exercise though so that does help keep the weight off and give me the extra calories to eat stuff that isn't just salad. I could never live on 1200 calories, I would be absolutely miserable (and starving)

Some people will happily choose a salad over mac and cheese and it doesn't feel like a hardship.

It's a whole complex of things.
Fatty, sugary foods are far more available than they were 40 years ago when I was a teenager: they are relatively cheaper, people buy coffees from Starbucks with no idea how much sugar is in them, and portion sizes of things eg cakes in cafes have increased.
We know that UPFs are the killer when it comes to gaining weight, but they are very hard to resist. We eat way more of them than we did even 20 years ago - ready meals etc. Foodstuffs contain sugar that just don't need it.
There are far fewer manual jobs than there used to be, and people used to walk (maybe to the bus stop) or cycle more to get around. Now they drive.

I'm well within a healthy BMI, though carrying more fat than I should be. I don't eat massive portions (unless faced with a roast dinner), I get a reasonable amount of exercise, and I try not to eat too much crap (that is, UPFs - currently failing due to Christmas leftovers and DH buying biscuits).

@Boope weight gain isn't inevitable as you get older but it becomes IME harder to maintain, you need fewer calories but appetite doesn't change and in some cases spikes. You also lose muscle mass when you age. Mums/Aunties etc are generally 'bigger' than 19 year old daughters etc.

I wish people would understand that slim people put in the effort to be slim, its not like you diet to a certain size and then a switch goes off and you magically have lots of healthy habits and don't miss recreational eating. It's hard! Every night , every meal, is a test of willpower not to overeat.

None of this applies to myself. I make no effort to maintain my size. I have always been slim, and eat what I like, but will stop, when full. I have no desire to consume cheap UPF though, and make my food from scratch, because I care about providing my body with food that will benefit me, nutritiously.

I'm fat. It's because I spend all my time looking after other people, I don't even know how to put myself first.

I also have money to spend, and I'm busy, so I eat out or get restaurant food delivered most nights. I hate exercise and all kinds of sports so I wouldn't do it even I was a billionaire and had all the free time in the world.

I think people who are slim have had a good childhood where healthy habits were established early, and/or are very good at putting themselves before anyone else with no compromises. I guess there's also the edge case of people who can eat tons without thinking about it because they're super active.

I would like to be thin and wish I'd had parents that cared about healthy eating so it would be easier for me now. But also I'd hate not to enjoy food. I also dread the opposite extreme of being the kind of person who spends an hour getting ready and so much of their life in general on their physical appearance instead of something that has more impact on the wider world. I think there's a happy medium somewhere.

I imagine there are as many reasons people are slim as there are that people are overweight.

I am slim because I really want to stay slim and detest full-on dieting. It was easier in my younger years. But after 30/40 it has become harder. In my 50s, I have to ignore ‘food noise’ and not eat as much as I want to, in order to stay slim. If I see my weight creep up a few pounds, I have to cut down what I eat for a week or so. I have to weigh myself once a week now I have passed 50. I weigh four to five pounds more at 54 than I did at 18.

I would love to eat what I want. But the truth is, I like being slim more and to be able to wear what I want etc as I like fashion. I also want to stay fit and active as I age.

I guess I have found a way that works for me. Everyone is different.

That sounds awful @Jenasaurus !

No one was weighing each other at my work. That’s also an awful thing to encourage a 17 year old to do.
Mine was more that I realised that thin people don’t over eat. I thought I didn’t eat a lot but realised I had it wrong. I think people are mostly in denial about how much they eat.

When I see a very overweight person I always think why they must eat and drink a lot.

I am overweight. Right now, at 36, I am the same weight I was when I was 17. So much of it is childhood. We used to eat sooo much crap and our portion sizes were way too big. My ‘stable’ weight is 10lbs overweight and I just cannot shift that last 10lbs. I can maintain but it isn’t easy. I think about food all the time and crave it
constantly. I honestly think I’m hardwired this way after being raised eating a lot of crap (alongside a lot healthy food I should add). Food was v much a treat and reward also.

I’d wagers it’s about educating parents and getting ‘em young. I’d be interested to hear from the slimfolk what their childhood eating habits were.

@NotAnotherBirthday that is fascinating about the ghrelin and leptin mechanism after weight loss. Where did you read about that please?

Not at all the case for me. My parents brought me up on junk food, we ate stuff like supernoodles most nights.

When they broke up, I was brought up on burgers and chips and takeaway food.

I stayed slim because I walked a minimum of 6 miles a day.

In hindsight, there was casual neglect and some outright awful incidents.

When one parent remarried, I remember visiting and being literally mindblown that my stepparent had made a homemade lasagna. Then I was introduced to roasted veg. I had never eaten courgettes, aubergine, butternut, loads of common veg, until I was in my 20s and taught myself to cook.

Me too.! My BMI has gone from 18 to 25 since I identified the issue. (and I feel fat even though I'm sure I'm healthier, because it's not what I was used to)

I think food noise is key. I have a friend who has just finished a course of Mounjaro and she realised that most of her thoughts during the day where about food.

She would always clear her plate, even when full. She would literally eat anything put in front of her ie, she’d never say no to a certain food because she didn’t like it, there was no food she didn’t like.

Taking the jab made her realise that she had been eating portion sizes way too big for her whole life and she didn’t actually need that much food to function in a day.

I’ve always been underweight, I just don’t care much about food, I get full up very quickly and I’m not a fan of carbs or junk food.

Peoples’ brains are just wired differently and you have to learn about yourself.

Really interesting hearing people say "who can stop at 10 cashew nuts?", "I could easily polish off a sharing bag of maltesers", or find it remarkable that someone can not eat an entire slab of chocolate and stop after one square.

I am one of these people for whom 10 cashew nuts IS enough. I'll eat them and think "that was nice, glad I did that" and stop at that. I won't proceed to "I'll just have another handful". I don't feel the need to. I have had a box of fancy chocolates in the cupboard since early December: one piece once a week is enough for me. I go days without even remembering it's there. I don't need to eat it, and I know it will be there when I do fancy a piece.

I don't physically crave any ingredient (sugar, fat, whatever) enough to eat an entire something. In fact, I think it would make me feel nauseous to eat too much of anything in one go - I guess it would anyone, but the question is what is "too much". An entire pint of Ben & Jerry's would definitely make me vomit. I will eat 1/3 cup at a time and that will be enough sweetness and fat for me. It won't fill me up, I'll have some tortilla chips after (sweet, savoury, sweet, savoury) but 1/3 cup is "enough".

And yes there is a moral element too: the sheer gluttony of a sharing bag of something, a whole slab of chocolate is repulsive to me on a moral level. That's down to my parenting, I think. I was raised in an "everything in moderation, except fruit and vegetables which you can eat to your heart's content" household. I think if I'd been raised in a permissive household, this factor wouldn't exist now.

Which still leaves the physical craving. I think some people have it, and some people don't. Just the luck of the draw. It must be a genetic thing as well as an environmental thing. Makes sense. Most of life is like that.

See, its not will power for me. I just eat what I want, when I want and stop when I have had enough.

I think there probably are some people who have naturally bigger appetites. But I also that many people have broken their natural connection with their appetite through eating lots of sugary and crap food. This used to be me. I probably had a sub-clinical eating disorder, looking back on it. I overate at every meal, binged, how no idea when I was full, found it almost impossible to stop eating sweet and sugary food. Would obsess about it. There was no way I could have chocolate or cake in the house within binging on it all in a one go.

I started going out with a guy who was not like this. Who naturally ate more when he was more active and less when he was not, without thinking about it. this was a revelation to me.

Like I said upthread, I spent a year reprogramming myself to get back in touch with my natural appetite. It was very hard and that did require a lot of willpower, failure, getting back on the horse and carrying on.

I think I am a living example that probably an awful lot of people have destroyed their ability to be in tune with their appetite through eating a lot of crap food that is creating 'noise' which means their natural hunger and satiation signals have been fucked over.

My personal view is that a lot of people need a reset.