To think I should have my shit together?

[BexAubs20]

I’m drowning in life! Kids & work and I’m doing none of it well! I try my best every day but it is never good enough! For eg I had to call in sick today as my little one had me up all night from 1am-5am and has come out in spots all over her face. Work are not happy and I may get sacked as had a long sickness / absence history due to my health/ kids. Yesterday I forgot to take son’s PE kit out of washer so it was still wet on the morning and he was late. So basically failing at home, as a mum & at work! 4 kids ages 17, 14, 12, 2. Husband who said he couldn’t get up last night as had a big job in today. Not much of a support network apart from my mum who does her best to help. I have anxiety, depression and in diagnosed what I think is an autoimmune condition and PMDD. AMBU to think everyone else copes with day to day life of work and kids and I should be able to as well?

People are bringing this up because you said in your OP you called in sick because your dd was sick. You don't call in sick when you are not sick, it should be carers, annual or unpaid leave. You may have meant something else but that's what you said so people pick up on it. Your DH does need to share the time off though, your work will be annoyed if it's you every time and they have every right to be.

We're not all coping. Once upon a time being a mother was seen as a full time job. Now there's an expectation we do it alongside another full time job.
I reduced to part time hours a couple of years ago, there are still times that it feels like I'm failing but it's definitely not as frequently or as intensely as when I was working full time.

I’d wager that it’s women like YOU who make it harder for working mums. The stereotype of mothers in the workplace being unreliable and unavailable due to childcare is one that’s very hard to shake.

I work three days and my husband works full time so if one of our kids is ill or has an appointment (and one is disabled so there are a LOT) on a day I work then more often than not he tends to be the one to cover it. He gets the benefit of the fact that we arrange all appointments we can on my NWDs and I automatically do all the sick days on those days, and it's a bigger deal for me to miss a day because it's a third rather than a fifth of my working week.
I think you're making your workplace suffer for the fact that your DH isn't pulling his weight. Maybe he can be made to understand the impact it has on you, I'm sure he wouldn't want your income to go!

You've got your priorities right OP! I've never know anyone actually say work is their priority. I wonder if the person who commented is actually a mother.

Right OP gather the older 3, show them how to use the washer and dryer and say they need to be responsible for washing their own clothes/ PE kits/ anything else they need. I started doing my own washing in year 7 because I had a busy working mum and more spare time than her. I'd tidy my room on a Sunday, vac and polish and change my bedding and wash it, sort my uniform etc so I would encourage them to do that too. It builds good habits for the future, takes the pressure off you and means they start the week with some order.

4 kids and a full time job is difficult? Who da thunk it.

I’m not in the slightest bit angry. OP however, has had a post deleted for abusing me and been snippy and rude to other posters

Do other people just leave their older kids to fend for themselves on a morning? Like just leave them in bed and expect them to get up and to school on their own?

Mine are 13 and 16.

I shout them to get up at 7.15 and 7.30. DH or I stay at home until they've left about 8.10. They get themselves to and from school.

They are both responsible for their own laundry, PE kits and packed lunches.

I don't usually work on Mondays, and try and get food prepped for evening meals for the coming week.

Meal planning and Tesco online food delivery once a fortnight. Delivery on Sunday evenings and everyone helps to bring the food in and put it away.

I remember standing on my mum's doorstep crying at the prospect of a 5 hour drive home with the dc, who were maybe 1-2 and 4-5 at the time. She was saying something like "I don't know what all the fuss is about, I raised 4 children" (I have 2), and me saying "But you didn't also have a job!". I'm old enough that my siblings got some of the diseases kids are routinely vaccinated against now (mumps, diphtheria, whooping cough), but even this happened we all hunkered down at home.

My 11yo DD gets herself up in the morning. I make sure she’s awake and getting dressed before I leave but she leaves after me. She sorts her own packed lunch and lets herself out to get the bus about 15 minutes after I leave for work. She’s also learned how to use the air fryer and can cook a simple meal now (still supervised at the moment!).
I think you need to rephrase this time off. It’s not ‘sick leave’ it’s ‘carer’s leave’ if you’re looking after a sick dependent.
I left a marriage where I was expected to do the majority of the mental load and home management. It honestly feels like less work now. The balance of what he contributed versus the amount he created (mess that he didn’t clean up, expensive tastes for food etc), on balance, I have less to do now.
You sound exhausted. Take a step back and think about how you can get your older kids to step up and help at home. You need to get them helping so they learn how to be independent adults. Then think about your relationship, he’s not being supportive.

14 and 17 year olds, yes of course we do. Your oldest is almost an adult, at 17 I lived abroad, alone. You're getting him ready for school and driving him there?