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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh calling multiple times a day?

44 replies

PinkLeopard8 · 28/01/2025 18:01

This is just light-hearted really, please no one take it super seriously 🤣

My husband is away on a course for 6 nights, he has been gone for 4 days so far and has called me at least 4 times a day, every day. Aibu to think this is a bit unnecessary? 🙈 Don't get me wrong it's nice that he misses me and wants to check in on me and the kids, but I would be happy to talk once a day or every couple of days. Or even just a text at the end of the day.

Am I just a Grinch or do you all talk to your partners constantly? He is the same when he is here bless him, he wants to spend every evening together etc. I am grateful to have a partner who cares about me and I do him, I'm just someone who is comfortable in my own company too.

OP posts:
ThatShyRoseViper · 28/01/2025 18:05

My first thought would be concern that he was unhappy on the course, not annoyance.

mynameiscalypso · 28/01/2025 18:06

We generally FaceTime once a day but that's only because we have a child - if not, we wouldn't bother to speak at all. What is there to say? Sometimes we even forget to text each other.

HorrorFan81 · 28/01/2025 18:07

I would honeslty find this suffocating OP. What do you find to talk about constantly? How is he managing to call this much, is he calling on every break?

If me or DH away we might text at the end of the day, a quick call if there is time before dinner etc. If we are both home we have our own interests and hobbies that keep us busy several evenings but we usually find time to either eat together or watch an episode of something most evenings but we definitely spend all our evenings and weekends together, I definitely need my own space and so does he

Peachy2005 · 28/01/2025 18:09

I’m sure he’s lovely but that’s a bit needy. Once a day maximum (or a text some days) is fine…presumably you are busy with the kids!

JimHalpertsWife · 28/01/2025 18:12

This would do my head in. Dh and I just text after the main work day is done "I'm around if the kids want to call" - dh and I can certainly get by Grin and often times the kids aren't arsed - sometimes we get a photo of something they've done that day.

anywherehollie · 28/01/2025 18:13

This would be normal for my me and my husband. We are obsessed with each other though!

Unforgettablefire · 28/01/2025 18:14

Mine would be the same. He misses me when either of us have gone anywhere it's like separation anxiety and I don't mind it.
I don't have calls just texts but if we were separated overnight he'd phone constantly.
It's nice to feel loved isn't it Smile

CaptainBeanThief · 28/01/2025 18:16

Some of PP comments are bizarre,
Why would you text your husband only once at the end of the day if he was away because you had nothing to say to him?
How miserable!
My husband and I text each other throughout the day when we are apart - not because we are needy but because... Shock horror we love each other and don't find each other a burden 😐

BitOutOfPractice · 28/01/2025 18:17

That would drive me absolutely bonkers op.

SquigglePigs · 28/01/2025 18:39

DH and I don't tend to call in the day if one of us is away but we'd message each other multiple times - usually random memes or offhand comments about stuff. To be fair we do that on an average day, away or not.

We'd then have a chat in the evening. It suits us.

MrsJHernandez · 28/01/2025 18:42

When my DH was training for his new job, he had to spend 4 nights away every couple of months, for a year. I think he maybe called once that whole year! We texted though.

NotthinglikeaBondGirl · 28/01/2025 18:55

It sounds like this is only happening because he's away from home and doesn't happen in the normal course of the day - am I right? If so I would say that it's just because he's missing you and the DCs.

When I'm in the office my DH & me text probably 3 times during the day. Usually to consult with me on his plans for my dinner (he does most of the cooking), again I usually thank him for the lunch that he made for me, remind him of an appointment or something trivial, lastly I always tell him that I'm leaving the office so that he knows when to expect me home so that he can plan dinner accordingly. Sometimes I can be delayed at work if there's an issue as I support some very vulnerable people who need me to stay for as long as it takes to sort out whatever issue they have & my home-time isn't predictable.

Anonymous2003 · 28/01/2025 18:56

4 calls a day is excessive! 1 call a day would be fine.

Mymanyellow · 28/01/2025 18:56

Checking up on you.

Purinea · 28/01/2025 18:59

I’d assume he misses you and the kids and also that he’s a bit lonely on the course and so using his time alone in breaks to speak to you, because there is no one there to make friends with. I’d probably probe a bit more about how it’s going.

That said, when one of us works away we normally talk 1-3 times a day though and txt in between.

IBlameYourMother · 28/01/2025 19:02

I had a day off today to do some life admin and DP called me twice to chat 😂 He works alone though, all over the place, and he loves a chat. If he works away he rings a couple times a day and before bed. We just really like talking to each other.

Purinea · 28/01/2025 19:02

mynameiscalypso · 28/01/2025 18:06

We generally FaceTime once a day but that's only because we have a child - if not, we wouldn't bother to speak at all. What is there to say? Sometimes we even forget to text each other.

I’m fascinated by this. It’s a very MN response. Do you only talk logistics in person, like when’s dinner, when will you be home, who’s doing bedtime? So if there are no logistics to discuss theres nothing to say?

outerspacepotato · 28/01/2025 19:04

I worked where personal calls were for emergencies only. We were way too busy for chit chat, so was my husband at his work.

When he went to conferences, he'd call in the evening. If I was away, same.

4 times a day every day? I would be at the what do you want now point. Some people like clingy, I like space.

StormingNorman · 28/01/2025 19:04

DH and I love each other but when he’s working away we only speak once a day at most and maybe a couple of texts after work. Neither of us like to be interrupted with personal calls at work.

Love looks different for different people ❤️

mynameiscalypso · 28/01/2025 19:05

@Purinea Yes, 95% of our texts are about the logistics of our life. Occasionally, one of us will send the other a link to something interesting but that's it really. We just have conversations when we see each other in person. We're both at work during the day and doing our own thing.

sweetpickle2 · 28/01/2025 19:06

DP and I message throughout the day, even if we’re both WFH (on different floors). And we don’t have kids.

When either of us is away for work we usually do one call at the end of the day.

Wheredidallthegoodmengo · 28/01/2025 19:09

If one of us is working away, we will normally call morning and night and maybe a couple of texts in between? But it depends on what’s normal for you. We will often call each other for a chat on the way to work!
I have friends though who I’ve been away for a week with and who never call their partners. Whatever works for you. If it’s pissing you off, tell him.

usernother · 28/01/2025 19:13

I think he's bored that's all.

crumblingschools · 28/01/2025 19:15

We would message a few times day, usually if one of us is bored, then probably have one call at the end of the day.

biscuitsandbooks · 28/01/2025 19:16

I wouldn't mind texts but, emergencies aside, if DH called me multiple times a day I'd tell him to go and find himself a hobby, lol.

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