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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel so upset:(

42 replies

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 28/01/2025 14:19

hi, please no nasty comments
i was with a man for 6 months and things were good but then small cracks began to show. The past few weeks he was very snappy, rude and cold. Very distant and not interested in sex anymore. I put it down to him having a breakdown as he was dealing with depression, very bad debt and the chance of losing his home. He got his mum to bail him out and apparently she’s paying it off for him as he has no job now. Anyways he was being cold and callous so I wonder now if he had someone else even though we were happy and he never had women on his phone or spoke to them. It came to a head when he shouted at me and left me in a dark road at night with dodgy people around. I went home and told him it was unacceptable what he did I was very angry. He tried to twist things and say he didn’t do it. Anyways I dumped him, he didn’t accept it at first but then he texted and said it was over and for my stuff to be gone. A family member collected my stuff. He blocked me on everything but left my number unblocked as it rang through. He put up a post last night saying how he was alone and a monster and now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. I know he’s probably not coming back but I’m so so hurt how he was the loving man I knew then in the past weeks he’s been cold and uninterested then blew up at me, how can you switch so quick? I guess I just really need some support/advice. :(

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 28/01/2025 14:23

Leaving him was the right thing to do. He sounds awful. Keep reminding yourself why you left.

LittleMissLateForWorkAgain · 28/01/2025 14:34

When someone shows you who they really are believe it.

You're better off without him. He sounds like he blows hot and cold and is in a lot of debt.
Also he left you in a bad situation alone.

Honestly OP throw this one back.

Devilsmommy · 28/01/2025 14:40

God he sounds like a complete twat and you're well away from him thankfully

sweetpickle2 · 28/01/2025 14:41

Be glad you dodged a bullet and move on.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/01/2025 14:43

If I saw that attention seeking post, I would judge him much more than I would judge you. You are well rid

BlondeMamaToBe · 28/01/2025 14:45

It’s been six months. Raise your standards.

JoanCollinsDiva · 28/01/2025 14:47

how he was the loving man I knew then in the past weeks he’s been cold and uninterested then blew up at me, how can you switch so quick

Because he can't keep up the pretence of eho he really is forever. If men were horrible right from the start we wouldn't entertain them.

He sounds awful and you're well rid.

Flopsythebunny · 28/01/2025 14:48

You've had a very lucky escape

FoxtonFoxton · 28/01/2025 14:52

He's awful OP. Luckily it's only six months of your life, so delete him from everything -social media, phone, email -and move on. You can do so much better. You stick around, you'll be back here with the same post (or worse) in another six months.

Kbroughton · 28/01/2025 14:53

You've had a lucky escape. Those who know you will believe you, those that don't matter. At least he has shown you at six months what he was like. He is putting up posts trying to guilt you. He will come back at some point no doubt - don't let him. Block him on everything and stay strong. He wont change.

steff13 · 28/01/2025 14:55

Are you the same poster who was upset that her boyfriend was walking behind her on the street because you wanted him to walk in front of you?

MissUltraViolet · 28/01/2025 14:56

Why are you trying to call him? Or even giving him another thought? He’s unemployed, needs his mum to pay his bills and nasty.

Are your standards that low? I’d rather be alone personally.

steff13 · 28/01/2025 14:58

I just checked, you are that same poster. In that post you said he was abusive. If he blocked you on everything how did you see his post? And also why are you looking? Just block him.

SoScarletItWas · 28/01/2025 14:59

You post so many times about this man. I’m not saying that to ‘catch you out’ but to prove that he’s horrible. Every time, people say it’s a terrible relationship. Get yourself away from him.

AdoraBell · 28/01/2025 15:01

He’s shown his true colours, you are better off without him.

ThatDamnedDog · 28/01/2025 15:04

Sorry he has upset you, but his true personality is probably the one that you are seeing now. If he had been this horrible in the beginning then you wouldn’t have had anything to do with him. He waited until he thought that he had reeled you in before showing his true colours, don’t fall for any gaslighting or blame yourself, this is all on him.
As someone upthread said, if I saw his attention seeking fb post my sympathy would lie firmly with the person he hurt. You can do (and deserve) so much better.💐

godmum56 · 28/01/2025 15:05

my advice is be grateful that you dodged a bullet.

Agapornis · 28/01/2025 15:09

He is alone because he is a monster.
Don't feel bad about dumping people who treat you like shit. Also, I'd never date someone with bad debt, homeless, whose mother had to bail him out.

Did he put a post on Facebook/Insta? Are you still following him (if so, delete him), or did a third party tell you about it?

Floralnomad · 28/01/2025 15:11

Just block him on everything, you’ve done the right thing dumping him .

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 28/01/2025 15:24

I know it does not feel like it now, but you had a lucky escape. He is a nasty, abusive man.

Wittyapple · 28/01/2025 15:27

It sounds like he needs to work on himself. If he is struggling with depression/ financial problems etc then he needs to find a way of resolving his problems himself, you can't help him OP.

I think you've seen who he is, and you've had a lucky escape.

Don't worry about what other people think, it doesn't really matter because you know the truth. Ride it out, and in a few months you'll be happy that you are rid.

Notaflippinclue · 28/01/2025 15:34

Well this one sounds like a complete bag of spanner's keep well away

Endofyear · 28/01/2025 15:34

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape! Block him on everything and get on with your life. Don't worry about what anyone thinks about his pathetic social media posts - it's not your problem any more! If people want to think badly of you, let them. You can't control what others think or do. Concentrate on making a good life for yourself.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/01/2025 15:35

TBH it sounds as though you’re well shot of him, OP. You deserve better.

MangoAndMelon · 28/01/2025 15:39

You left a twat who is jobless, in debt and makes his mother pay it.

Trust me. No one thinks you are the monster. All his people around know

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