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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel so upset:(

42 replies

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 28/01/2025 14:19

hi, please no nasty comments
i was with a man for 6 months and things were good but then small cracks began to show. The past few weeks he was very snappy, rude and cold. Very distant and not interested in sex anymore. I put it down to him having a breakdown as he was dealing with depression, very bad debt and the chance of losing his home. He got his mum to bail him out and apparently she’s paying it off for him as he has no job now. Anyways he was being cold and callous so I wonder now if he had someone else even though we were happy and he never had women on his phone or spoke to them. It came to a head when he shouted at me and left me in a dark road at night with dodgy people around. I went home and told him it was unacceptable what he did I was very angry. He tried to twist things and say he didn’t do it. Anyways I dumped him, he didn’t accept it at first but then he texted and said it was over and for my stuff to be gone. A family member collected my stuff. He blocked me on everything but left my number unblocked as it rang through. He put up a post last night saying how he was alone and a monster and now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. I know he’s probably not coming back but I’m so so hurt how he was the loving man I knew then in the past weeks he’s been cold and uninterested then blew up at me, how can you switch so quick? I guess I just really need some support/advice. :(

OP posts:
riverislanjeans · 28/01/2025 15:44

Thank god you only wasted 6 months on this man!

Chalk it up to experience, set your standards higher and move on!

LuluBlakey1 · 28/01/2025 15:47

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 28/01/2025 14:19

hi, please no nasty comments
i was with a man for 6 months and things were good but then small cracks began to show. The past few weeks he was very snappy, rude and cold. Very distant and not interested in sex anymore. I put it down to him having a breakdown as he was dealing with depression, very bad debt and the chance of losing his home. He got his mum to bail him out and apparently she’s paying it off for him as he has no job now. Anyways he was being cold and callous so I wonder now if he had someone else even though we were happy and he never had women on his phone or spoke to them. It came to a head when he shouted at me and left me in a dark road at night with dodgy people around. I went home and told him it was unacceptable what he did I was very angry. He tried to twist things and say he didn’t do it. Anyways I dumped him, he didn’t accept it at first but then he texted and said it was over and for my stuff to be gone. A family member collected my stuff. He blocked me on everything but left my number unblocked as it rang through. He put up a post last night saying how he was alone and a monster and now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. I know he’s probably not coming back but I’m so so hurt how he was the loving man I knew then in the past weeks he’s been cold and uninterested then blew up at me, how can you switch so quick? I guess I just really need some support/advice. :(

Him
Having a breakdown
Very depressed
In bad debt
Out of work
Could lose his home
Persuaded his mother to bail him out and she is paying off his debts
Cold
Callous
Rude
Snappy
Uninterested in you sexually
Shouted at you and left you in a dark, dangerous place
Told you to get your stuff
Blocked you on social media
Lied about you on social media

You- 'I know he's probably not coming back'

Get a grip. Be thankful for eternity that this horrible specimen of humanity is out of your life. Never think about him again. Never speak to him or have any contact with him again- no matter what he says or does. He's vile.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 28/01/2025 15:49

Just be grateful you weren’t standing on that street with a crying baby. Leave before it gets complex. The Facebook post doesn’t make you look anything, it makes him look immature and unstable and lacking in self awareness and online social skills.

DaisyChain505 · 28/01/2025 15:51

The relationship obviously wasn’t healthy and wasn’t going to go anywhere positive.

This man wasn’t the one for you.

Who cares what random losers on social media think about you in this situation. As long as you know the truth it doesn’t matter.

Work on improving yourself and your life and forget about him.

Jom222 · 28/01/2025 15:54

Anyone who left me in a potentially dangerous place would be dead to me forever. Remember this when you have pangs of regret-he intentionally left you somewhere you could’ve been raped or worse.

Decent men don’t do that. I hope you find a wonderful man who cherishes you. 💗

BeaAndBen · 28/01/2025 16:04

Is this the one who got sacked for faking Covid?

You dumped him. He was an arsehole and a wastrel. He treated you like crap. You recognised that and binned him, which was a good decision.

Why keep posting about a useless bloke you've already chucked out of your life?

Letting him take up headspace is counter-productive and will only prolong any drama. Block him everywhere and stop paying him any attention.

ZebedeeDougalFlorence · 28/01/2025 16:05

It is normal to feel low. It's a bit like going through detox from an addictive drug. Hold firm and you will eventually start to feel better. You can do it. If you feel you are wavering come on here and the MN vipers will give you a much needed kick up the a* until you feel stronger.

Oh, and we'll give you big hugs too.

Liveandletlive18 · 28/01/2025 16:08

He's not for you & until he changes his ways or gets treatment for his mental health I doubt anyone would accept this man as their partner. Stay clear.

Greyish2025 · 28/01/2025 16:22

OneBrightAzureBiscuit · 28/01/2025 14:19

hi, please no nasty comments
i was with a man for 6 months and things were good but then small cracks began to show. The past few weeks he was very snappy, rude and cold. Very distant and not interested in sex anymore. I put it down to him having a breakdown as he was dealing with depression, very bad debt and the chance of losing his home. He got his mum to bail him out and apparently she’s paying it off for him as he has no job now. Anyways he was being cold and callous so I wonder now if he had someone else even though we were happy and he never had women on his phone or spoke to them. It came to a head when he shouted at me and left me in a dark road at night with dodgy people around. I went home and told him it was unacceptable what he did I was very angry. He tried to twist things and say he didn’t do it. Anyways I dumped him, he didn’t accept it at first but then he texted and said it was over and for my stuff to be gone. A family member collected my stuff. He blocked me on everything but left my number unblocked as it rang through. He put up a post last night saying how he was alone and a monster and now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. I know he’s probably not coming back but I’m so so hurt how he was the loving man I knew then in the past weeks he’s been cold and uninterested then blew up at me, how can you switch so quick? I guess I just really need some support/advice. :(

He sounds awful, raise your standards darling

Ella31 · 28/01/2025 16:23

Op, I've seen many of your other threads the last two years all of which you never reply to. I won't go into detail but they have ranged from very serious self harm ones to getting pregnant with this man to abusive family members and how great this man is. I think you need to look into accessing serious counselling and therapy for what is going on in your life at the moment. I've seen amazing replies on all your threads but I'm not convinced you are looking for advice to be honest.

LazyArsedMagician · 28/01/2025 16:29

The reason is because he's a dickhead.

Draw a line under it. Rise above what other people think - a lie is always more interesting that the truth, I would just say that to anyone that asks (that you don't want to give more detail to) and share whatever you like with your nearest and dearest.

And be kind to yourself.

ArtTheClown · 28/01/2025 16:35

Lucky escape OP.

Hwi · 28/01/2025 16:46

You had such a lucky escape! Celebrate!

zoemum2006 · 28/01/2025 16:47

"as he was dealing with depression, very bad debt and the chance of losing his home. He got his mum to bail him out and apparently she’s paying it off for him as he has no job now. "

Oh yummy! Where can I get one of those?

Dollychopsporkchops · 28/01/2025 16:48

He sounds awful and manipulative.

What he did was wrong and him trying to twist things just shows you what kind of relationship you’d have in the long run. He would never take accountability and everything would be your fault.

Also it doesn’t sound like he likes you all that much. For your on sake/wellbeing stay away. He doesn’t want you and I promise you, that’s a blessing in disguise as he’s awful

Dollychopsporkchops · 28/01/2025 16:50

Also it’s been 6 months. What you’re seeing is the real him so don’t be upset that he’s not the man you first met…he probably never really was that man to begin with.

wheelywheelynice · 28/01/2025 17:13

Classic abuser behaviour.
I suggest reading Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft

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