To give pocket money to DS for doing a chore?

[NoPocketMoney4U]

DH and I disagree on whether to give DS pocket money for doing chores. I think that if DS does a chore, it's reasonable to give him money for his work.

DH thinks it will encourage DS to be helpful only in exchange for money. Instead, DH thinks pocket money should be a specific amount of money per week that is not influenced by chores.

For context, DS is 11 and in his last year of primary school. Generally, we have never really given him pocket money. He also does no chores. A couple years ago, and occasionally since then, I mentioned to him that if he dusted the lounge, I would give him some pocket money in return. I thought it seemed like something he could easily manage and that I'd value enough to pay for.

Yesterday, he did it 😂

Then last night, I discovered how very opposed DH is to giving DS money for this. I realise I will need to give DS some money, since I said I would, but that I need to get on the same page as DH for the future.

But I didn't think it was that weird for parents to give their kids a bit of money for doing chores. (We live in England.)

I'm also curious how people physically manage pocket money for kids around this age. Do you give them cash? Or do they have a bank account and a card/app? Or something else?

YABU = Don't give money to your child for doing chores
YANBU = It's fine to give money to your child for doing chores

My DS gets £10 for spends and is expected to help round the house. If he wants s something but doesn't have the money we negotiate extra chores like putting away the log delivery or hoovering grandad's shed floor. But most of the time it is a no

I have found it is a decent amount that he can buy something with like a small Lego set or a magazine and it stops me just buying him stuff every time we go out and using his imaginary pocket money. It also stopped him asking for stuff every time we went out

He is currently saving up for a big Lego set (£40)

I will do the same for his sister when she gets to the same age as he was when I started doing it

I am also sure it will change as he gets older (currently 5)

Sit on the fence. ‘Chores’ are non negotiable family responsibilities, we all do different ones (lighter for kids) and they have to do them regardless. Pocket money is a fixed amount per month. As per your DH idealised world.
however - dealing with real life teens here, a sanction for not pulling your weight in the household can be a withholding of pocket money. So I guess it is a bit like being paid for chores, but difference is they know they can’t just say ‘don’t pay me then’…

We give pocket money that is not reliant on anything we do however seperately expect a certain amount of pitching in around the house- dishes, laying the table, recycling etc but its not £1 for dishes of anything. But its more of an ethos that we all live in the house so should all pitch in. If we ask them do something one off such as weeding or washing the car then i would give them something extra.

Agree with your DH

I think pocket money is a good idea, with the proviso that a certain amount is saved every month/ week. It is good for children to learn that if you spend all your money on trash then when the money is gone it has gone, I don’t see the value of always topping their funds up if they see something they fancy. It is also good to learn that saving for something is something we all have to do sometimes.

I also think that the pocket money should come without strings, but that children should be expected to be part of the household when it comes to chores and small responsibilities.