Photo Sharing between Parents

thebreezylife · 2025-01-28T13:20:26+00:00

it is my little girls 1st birthday coming up and I had her a cake smash done for her birthday (same as i did for my son) - the kids dad and I separated 7 months ago - the cake smash wasn’t cheap and whilst I am happy to pay for this as I did with my son, the kids dad is now expecting that he’ll receive access to the images… I think firstly the demand has frustrated me but also I feel reluctant to just send over photos for him and his family to use as their own and post everywhere (which isn’t what I want to do with them) - we do have a fairly reasonable co-parenting situation ongoing and I don’t want to disturb this but I also don’t feel like this should just be a given when I’m the one who’s organised and paid for the experience as a keep sake for me - any advise/am I being silly on this?

ItGhoul · 28/01/2025 13:27

Personally I think you are being a bit petty about this. It's his child and it seems a bit mean to me to say he can't have access to photos of her that you would have paid for anyway whether you shared them with him or not.

HeathenTime · 28/01/2025 13:27

Just send him 1 photo.

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 28/01/2025 13:35

If things are generally going well I would send one pic, not necessarily the one you plan to use for your own birthday post.

Chiseltip · 28/01/2025 13:45

🙄

OP, kindly, don't be THAT person. Your child is the important person here, not you, if you go down this route you will only get pettier and pettier, and it's your child who will suffer.

You chose to have a child with this man, you are the adult, you have to act like one.

This is about your child growing up with two loving parents.

comedycentral · 28/01/2025 13:47

I would share the photos, there will be things you might want access to in the future that he's paying for, you have a long 17+ years ahead of you if you are both keeping score.

HPandthelastwish · 28/01/2025 13:49

Just set up a WhatsApp with just photos that you can both put cute photos in when the child is with the other parent.

You don't need to send the professional ones, BUT I used to get them printed and the school ones when older and frame them in a cheap frame and it always made a good Fathers day / birthday gift / Christmas gift for her grandparents. It was pretty much the very least I could do without doing nothing.

Ablondiebutagoody · 28/01/2025 13:52

You are being very petty. What happens if/when he takes DC for a day out or on holiday? You wouldn't want to see photos of that because you didn't pay for it?

Like PP mentioned, we have a WhatsApp group that either parent, grand parents, whoever post stuff too so everyone can see what DS has been up to. Nobody gets weird about who paid for the activity ffs.

StampOnTheGround · 28/01/2025 13:57

Yes he should have the images, it's his kid too. Imagine he takes her on holiday in the future but refuses to send you any pictures, that would be ridiculous.

Tisthedamnseason · 28/01/2025 14:07

I think there'll be times in the future he will have pictures that you'd like to have, so I wouldn't go down this road.

Goldbar · 28/01/2025 14:08

Actually I don't think YABU. If you paid for your DS's, ask him to pay for DD's.

Original poster

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

OP posts:

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 28/01/2025 17:32

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

Could you say you purchased a print, not digital, and he is welcome to do the same or half for the digital copies?

HotPotatoesies · 28/01/2025 17:35

Can't you send him the proofs and tell him how to go about ordering the ones he wants? Or if it's cheaper to order together, send a price list and ask him what he would like you to order on his behalf?

Goldbar · 28/01/2025 19:07

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

I wouldn't share them either OP, if they were meant as private keepsakes for you and you don't want them plastered over social media.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 28/01/2025 19:16

If you didn't want him to have any and weren't planning on posting them anywhere you probably shouldn't have told him about it.

If he was getting special photos done and told you all about them I'm sure you would want some too.

The thing with coparenting is choosing your battles, and this really isnt a battle worth having in an otherwise good relationship. I would just give him a couple of prints (or get one printed on a cup and then it can't really be shared) and tell him you don't want them online, and then keep anything special to yourself in future if you don't want him to have a part of it.

Threecraws · 28/01/2025 19:21

Would you have been happy for him to have his own cake smash, possibly before yours or would you have felt that would have ruined the specialness of yours? I think if you would not have been happy with him doing his own then you should share the photos. Actually i think you should share the photos anyway as it might end up in a tit for tat later with him later.

Strawberryfruitcorner · 28/01/2025 19:26

You’re being really petty, whether it was a paid for photo or not it doesn’t matter.

Think of the future, what if his family get an amazing photo of her on a day out somewhere that cost them money. You’ll miss out on that photographed memory of her if they play your game.

Arlanymor · 28/01/2025 19:32

It doesn’t take anything away from you financially to share them - he and his family just want copies of a nice memory of your child. I don’t think this worth fighting over and is going into potential tit for tat territory with future risks if you make a big deal over this and then want something from him. If you co-parent well then don’t rock the boat, just share the digitals with him and if he wants anything to be printed then he can bear the cost. Not sure I get the point about framing one and giving it to him as a gift - unless you mean a gift from the baby to him? In which case suggest that plan.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2025 19:34

Ok I’ll admit it - have no idea what a cake smash is!

PercyFone · 28/01/2025 19:35

What's better for your daughter - parents who squabble over photos, or parents who don't squabble over photos?

Threecraws · 28/01/2025 19:44

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2025 19:34

Ok I’ll admit it - have no idea what a cake smash is!

Photos of a baby smashing up a cake

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2025 21:31

Threecraws · Today 19:44

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 19:34
Ok I’ll admit it - have no idea what a cake smash is!

Photos of a baby smashing up a cake”

Hmm. Ok. Seems rather wasteful unless the mush is eaten?
(How do you then dissuade the baby from smashing up other things?)

VotingForYourself · 28/01/2025 21:44

Oh my goodness that's so cruel you won't even let him have ONE? Of his daughter?? Do you want him to be involved in his kids life or not? You split when she was what 5 months? It's going to take real effort to make sure you both are there for her.

None of the above applies if he was an abusive dick

doyouknowthemuffinman42 · 28/01/2025 22:14

thebreezylife · 28/01/2025 15:31

Just to add some more context, we do normally share all day to day photos etc. when it has come to school/nursery photos we have always got a digital copy and split this cost half and half as it then allows us both have freedom of use over the photo.

with the cake smash photos, I don’t plan to post (social media wise) these anywhere they were for my personal keep as a memories of her and for framing (like someone suggested framing one and gifting to him would absolutely be something I’d do) which is where my reluctance has come from.

You're so petty. What a waste of energy

Your child will pick up on this as they grow up and it won't be nice, they will always remember it

Try and let it go so your child doesn't feel tension, pettiness and a divide over money

Original poster

thebreezylife · 29/01/2025 06:50

Thank you to those that have been kind in the wording of their advise. I appreciate hearing different points of views.

I will offer him a selection of photos but maybe not all.

I would also like to say some of you have been extremely rude with your wording. Thankfully, I’m not someone who would take this personally but maybe in future you could consider re wording your comments instead of outright calling people petty you could say ‘have you thought about it from another point of view?’

whilst their dad is brilliant with them he has been very hard work in trying to control me and what I do in my 24 hours a week when he has the children, I’ve bitten my tongue a lot and been non responsive with him unless it is related to the children, I have always been focused on what’s best for the children - no I didn’t put that in the OP because I didn’t think it was needed, my assumption was people would just be kinder than what they have been. As a new poster, it’s kind of disheartening to think this is what some people are like on this rather than kind and supporting when giving their point of view.

OP posts: