Photo Sharing between Parents

[thebreezylife]

it is my little girls 1st birthday coming up and I had her a cake smash done for her birthday (same as i did for my son) - the kids dad and I separated 7 months ago - the cake smash wasn’t cheap and whilst I am happy to pay for this as I did with my son, the kids dad is now expecting that he’ll receive access to the images… I think firstly the demand has frustrated me but also I feel reluctant to just send over photos for him and his family to use as their own and post everywhere (which isn’t what I want to do with them) - we do have a fairly reasonable co-parenting situation ongoing and I don’t want to disturb this but I also don’t feel like this should just be a given when I’m the one who’s organised and paid for the experience as a keep sake for me - any advise/am I being silly on this?

It is petty though

Prepare to feel queasy and/or completely baffled....

"Originating in Australia, a cake smash has become an ideal way to mark a baby's first birthday, and get some pretty incredible portraits at the same time. The premise is simple, make or purchase a cake, and give it to your pride and joy to do whatever they like with it (here's a clue, they usually smash it)."

Have you thought about it from this perspective?

The fact that you think it's reasonable to withhold pictures of the children because your ex is controlling, shows that you'd use the children to punish your ex. It makes sense to divert communication through someone or something else so he can't control you, it doesn't make sense to stop him seeing the pictures to punish him for not treating you right. That's you saying that he can only have full access to the children if he stays in your good books and he doesn't deserve it otherwise.

It is petty and it's the type of mentality that leads to.parrntal alienation..

My ex and I have always shared photos. He often sends me the money for all the cost.

All I can envisage is when he meets his next partner and things have gone a bit sour with the coparenting, and you get all these “wonderful dads who aren’t being given a chance by evil mothers”. He’ll be there saying “she wouldn’t even send me a photo from my babies 1st birthday”. Without all the context.
As another poster said, pick your battles.

Reading between the lines:

"You all need to be much kinder to me, my controlling ex has pissed me off so I'm retaliating by being equally controlling and you mumsnetters need to spend more time pussyfooting in your replies so you aren't hurting my feelings!"

Well , I hope I don’t hurt your feelings but you asked if you were being silly . Yes. You are .

I don't think it's petty. I understand your frustration.
But then I'm divorced myself and it's sometimes death by a thousand cuts. Little instances here and there of when you go the extra mile and he doesn't.
I think people have missed the fact you were going to gift him a photo.
But he's asked for them sending - without any acknowledgement of the time or the money involved.
You feel taken advantage of.
I hear you OP and I get it.

But - give him a photo. Let your annoyance simmer down. There's every chance he's just thoughtlessly not thought about the costs iyswim. (Cos that's what my ex would do.)
Have a conversation about where the dividing line is on things you each do and how much ownership the other has. But in 6 months time not now!

💐💐💐💐

I would give him printed rather than digital copies, so he can have see them, show to family, but not share on social media. That way he is getting to enjoy seeing the pictures but you can stop them being all over the Internet. Cake smash photos are often done with limited clothes on, and I wouldnt want photos of my baby with not much on being shared widely with strangers.

You posted on a public forum, you don’t get to police the responses.

But there isn't really a word other than petty to describe your thinking.

Did you read some of Mumsnet before you posted? It's a very blunt place. Sometimes people do cross a line, but that's not really happened here. People are just saying how this thing comes across.

maybe in future you could consider re wording your comments instead of outright calling people petty you could say ‘have you thought about it from another point of view?’

If you think petty is too strong a word, you are in for a tough ride on this forum 😂

and in life in general