To think not RSVPing to a birthday party but still turning up is rude?

[Somesome]

Why do people think not sending an RSVP and then turning up or replying the day before is acceptable? Yes there are RSVP deadlines on the invitations.

I agree with you!

There was a thread about this involving party bags. Did you read it? The mother didn't RSVP and was livid that her child didn't get a party bag.

As long as the host has pre-emptively ordered a personalised magic bag and vegan pizza for all the possible guests then it's not rude.

Had loads of people do this at my kids party even though they knew o was paying per head, put me off doing it again!

Some parents are just plain rude/lazy!

Answer is not to tell them the details until they have replied. Just enough for them to be able to RSVP.

Yes it's rude.

What's the circumstance? I think it's much more excusable in P1 with full class parties in a different church hall every week than when they're older and it's a pay per person activity.

In that first year or two the parties are a full time job and I could excuse someone for forgetting to reply to one in the group chat.

I agree. I invited my friend’s sister in law and family to my DC’s party through my friend as I didn’t have contact details and wasn’t told if they were coming, but friend said SHE and her family were coming. I assumed the others weren’t as hadn’t mentioned anything, and then obviously they did. It was my own fault for not checking. What I hate is when ppl don’t acknowledge the invite either way - a ‘thanks but were unable to come’ is all that’s needed. Pretty rude.

they are parents, i presume
it isnt a big deal surely?

Or RSVP yes then not turn up. We did a fairly high per head priced birthday party and only had small numbers - it was awesome and worth it. We booked 7 and invited 8 in case someone couldn’t make it. All 8 RSVP’d yes and we paid for the extra place

That person who then RSVP’d last then didn’t bother turning up. I wouldn’t have invited anyone else but I could have give the space to another persons sibling at the last minute if they’d let me know

Yup that’s rude all right.
but it seems common and makes me think that these pay per head events are impractical. In future hire a hall, pay ann entertainer and put out some toys and food!

Grrrrrrrrrtrrrr.

I disagree. How can folk decide whether they can make it or not without times and place.

It is rude. If it is too late to add them on don't feel bad about telling them that.

I did not see this! People have lost the plot.

We're charged per head. I also need to plan food etc. it's also completely reasonable to know if we're going to have zero kids or all the kids.

Definitely taking this approach in future until they're old enough to have smaller parties. That said, it is ridiculous that we have to take this approach because of rudeness.

I may be wrong, but this did not happen in the past, when we were children, or if it did, not nearly so often. I remember having to take the little tear-off slip at the bottom of the invitation into school to give to the birthday child confirming my attendance.
It is rude. See last week's hilarious thread about the party bag gate OP.

My DS has a friend who's mum does the opposite, RSVPs yes, sometimes as late as the day before, and then never shows up. It's got to the point now where we invite him still, but mentally prepare ourselves for him not to show. I still count him in numbers for food/party bags etc, but he never comes. And, we never get a reason, no 'sorry but he was ill on the day' or anything, it's just not mentioned. Odd.

Ohhh my goodness I don't know how I'd cope. Have you ever called them out on it?

No still not excusable - just rude

No I honestly cba, when you're organising a kids party, it's already enough work, I refuse to follow up on people who can't do the bare minimum!
I get that life happens, we've had to send an on the day cancellation for my son before if he's woken up ill. But not to send anything 😂

Absolutely, it's rude. I have had last minute on the day RSVP, and 'can we bring all the siblings?'. They then didn't turn up as something better came up. I won't do 'pay per child's parties for this reason: people are so flakey.

Why does them being parents make any difference?

Of course it matters when organising a party, knowing who is actually coming - any per-head costs, enough food and any dietary requirements etc.

Yeah it's rude but people are busy and if it doesn't actually affect me then I'm happy to show them some grace, in the hopes that someone would extend it to me if I fucked up. No one is perfect all the time and we all drop the ball occasionally.

I've never done it that I know of btw, so it's not that I'm flakey or rude. I just don't think whole class parties for 5yos are worth getting worked up over.