Wrong to tell Dd her leg could fall off

[Oneofthosedaysss]

Dd has had spots on her body for a while, the Dr can’t find the cause and they are fading…if she just leaves them alone.
She picks at them and makes them bleed terribly. I was tired of telling her not to do it, the Dr also told her not to do it. In a moment of frustration and worry today at seeing another awful, bleeding sore, I told her she had to stop or it would get infected and go green and they’ll chop her leg off. Obviously I quickly said that won’t happen with her.
When Dh came home she asked him if it would happen and he got angry at me.
It’s very unlike me, but seeing such sores everywhere is worrying me

Was I being that unreasonable to just try to shock her in the moment (I’ve tried everything else)

I don't think this is a big deal. Heck, I was in A&E with my then-2 year old who had broken her toe, and the 4 or 5 staff who spoke to us said "maybe we should just chop it off". Apparently this is a form of humour. Back in the 80s, when I was a child, such threats were the main method of parenting.

OP, I do wonder why your DD is picking her scabs so relentlessly. Do they itch? is she anxious about something? Or is it just something she likes to do?

Lol 😂 reminded me of when I heard my DH say to my 3yo when she in the bath and he was cutting her nails. ‘Nooo, stop moving! I’m cutting your nails and might hurt you
… or even cut your fingers off.’ 🤣 made me laugh…

YANBU OP. I told my nail biting daughter that she could get a nail infection that resulted in losing a finger. Maybe dramatic but not an impossibility and she needs to stop biting her nails! Promise they won’t be damaged x

I don’t think it’s great but I can imagine why you said it in the heat of the moment. Apologise, reassure, don’t say it again.

I have to admit I’ve been guilty of telling my son a dentist will have to remove his teeth if they get rotten when he doesn’t brush them, but I guess that it’s at least factual (he is an absolute nightmare at toothbrushing so I’ve tried everything) but now I am worried I’ve given him a dentist phobia.

None of us are perfect though and it’s hard not to say things out of frustration sometimes.

I remember once I had ringworm on my face, it had spread to my lips which I would chew and pick terribly, so we got some cream for it from the doctors. The cream said "for external use only". I wanted to know what that meant, and my mum said it meant it was for use on skin but shouldn't be used inside the mouth or swallowed. I then became very worried and said "but what if I lick it?" and she said "You can't lick it" and I said "But I can't help it!" and she said "You'll have to help it - don't lick it." So I said "But what if I do it accidentally when I'm asleep in the night?" and it must have been very late, because she was usually extremely patient, but I remember she exasperatedly said "Then you'll die!"

I became very very distraught because in my head, what I was trying to communicate was that I was really worried I was unable to stick to the instruction. Anyway it took her a while to get me to calm down and explain that if I did lick a tiny bit by accident, nothing bad would happen but that I should really try as hard as I could not to lick the ointment.

Anyway - if your DD isn't upset then I wouldn't worry about it. I am not scarred by the incident and BTW I am still totally incapable of avoiding picking at bits of my body, especially things like scabs and spots. It apparently even has a medical name (body-focused repetitive behaviour). I wonder if she is trying to tell you this - it might be worth seeing if you can do something to cover up the sores rather than trying to get her to stop the behaviour willingly. For example could they be bandaged? I know she might still scratch at them through the bandages, but it would be better than having them accessible.

He sounds anxious, it's awfully young for nail biting. Have you looked at what's causing the anxiety?

I say stuff like that all the time. "At the end of the day it's up to you whether you brush your teeth. If you want them to rot painfully, turn black, and fall out, I guess that's your choice to make" etc.

@BertieBotts stop it. Nail biting doesn’t mean her child is anxious at all, it could just be a habit he has developed or it could be a sensory thing. My daughter does it and it’s definitely sensory she’s always chewing something!

I refused to poo for the longest time cos my mum SAID personality was a little man who lived inside you and if you didn't take care of him you would have no friends

She said her friend lost all her fingers ice-skating when she fell over and her fingers were run over

Not to eat things with seeds like strawberries and tomatoes as they would grow inside

So you could have said worse. I've left out the racist ones.

His dad is a nail biter, he has learned it from him but he takes it way down until there is nearly nothing left. When his dad asks him to stop all he get is ‘but you do it all the time’. He’s actually a Really hyper confident happy boy. Think its just a case of monkey see, monkey do.

Of course you were being unreasonable. You terrified her. If you want her to stop be realistic about the outcome if she doesn't stop picking and show her chickenpox scars which is more likely to be a result. Not losing a bloody limb.

When I was about 10 my Dad once said to me....."If you do that ONCE more I'll rip your arm off and hit you over the head with the soggy end" and even though I was old enough to know it was a joke I was inconsolable for ages. He'd said it before and I'd not been bothered so what set me off that time I have no idea. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Alifetimeofdiagnoises funnily enough it isn’t just nail biting with my son, also suspect he maybe ADHD. He also seems to have the need to be chewing on something. I actually thought he had PICA when he was younger as he would try eat loose threads, sponges, wall paper etc even had to chuck my memory foam mattress out as he started taking chunks out that

Absolutely nothing wrong with saying this if it has a positive result! If I had a phobia for everything my Mum told me I would be a neurotic human being.I am a well balanced adult. As my children are .
Definitely think people pussyfoot around their children these days, hence the high incidence of young people struggling with the real world !
People who disagree, did you play along with Santa ,Tooth Fairy,Easter Bunny etc ? Has the truth actually sent your children into emotional turmoil?

I’ll never forget sitting in children’s a&e with one of my dc.

There was a girl there who was early teens. She’d broken her leg on holiday with her nan.
Nan had panicked at them wanting to keep her in hospital & said something similar so she’d come back to the accommodation.

Her parents had picked her up the next day & brought her to the local a&e. She needed surgery, which they scheduled for the next day. They wanted her to stay overnight. Her parents wanted her to stay overnight.

She was absolutely distraught at this & spent most of the next 2 hours crying hysterically that they were going to chop her leg off in her sleep if she stayed.

Parents eventually took her home, as she couldn’t calm down. Plan was to bring her back the following day. I do wonder how they managed to get her under for the general anaesthetic.

My dad told me when I was younger if I turned in the lights inside the car we would all die. When I got older I realised this wasn’t true and have no fear of interior lights of any kind.

i know someone that use to rub a dab of raw chilli on her children’s nails. They stopped

Your child isn’t going to trust you if you just blurt out things like this.

Or he'll get his finger stuck up there forever!

I do pity many children living in such humourless homes as one reads about on MN!

This.

Bit OTT but she is likely to remember now each time she does it and perhaps stop, which she needs to.

What do people suggest - oh don’t do that daaaaaarling. I get how you feel, it’s horrid wanting to scratch when you can’t…

They might learn how to work out when you're joking vs when you're not.

I tell the tallest tales so DC won't believe everything they hear

I'm sure it will be fine.
I was told something similar but laughed it off. Although perhaps with hindsight I was a little hasty. 🤔

@JudgeJ I do pity many children living in such humourless homes as one reads about on MN!

Agree! Poor sheltered things will be offended, scared and gullible at every turn!

YABU for worrying about it at all

I was still sucking my thumb around that age when an older family friend told me it would get infected and have to be chopped off. My mum had tried all sorts of things to get me to stop.

Never did it again. If anything I'm grateful for it!

Depends on the child I think. One of mine would think it was funny. My more anxious child would probably be terrified if I said something like that.

I remember being told that my eyes would go square if I watched too much TV. I was also told that if I ate any fruit seeds that fruit tree would grow from inside me. I’m not scarred and nor are my children who heard things like “If you don’t keep still while I cut your toe nails I will cut the toes off”.