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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old using the word "babe".

60 replies

anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:06

My 6 year old DS attends a youth club for primary school children for 1.5 hours on a week night.

The leader has just called me to say he wants to speak about some "concerning" behaviours displayed by DS. He says he acts like a child three years older than his age, and that it is constant.

He says he is tactile (cuddly, wants to hold hands etc.).

He referred to one of the leaders as "babe".

DS is a very, tactile child and love to be close with people. We have a very open dialogue about consent and asking people before hugs etc., but it seems this needs some more work.

He said that "babe" is inappropriate for a child his age. DS will be repeating this as I often refer to him as this, as does his grandmother.

The call really caught me off guard, the way he was speaking was as if something serious was going on DS and that it may be social services worthy.

Do you agree?

OP posts:
Printedword · 27/01/2025 18:09

I'd report the youth club to the school and pull my child. What the youth club have said is extremely strange.

AccordionedWhileMallBurned · 27/01/2025 18:09

'Babe' is an awful, infantilising endearment and I would discourage anyone from using it to anyone else, whether adult or child.

Ablondiebutagoody · 27/01/2025 18:15

Besides informing you, what was the point of the call? Did the leader ask you to do anything? Did they say that they were going to do anything?

JLou08 · 27/01/2025 18:16

I called my children babe too. Nothing wrong with a 6 year old being tactile as long as they respect other people's boundaries. Sounds like the youth club are massively over reacting.

MumChp · 27/01/2025 18:20

Just ask your child not to use Babe? I wouldn't fancy being called that at all by a 6 yo.

takealettermsjones · 27/01/2025 18:21

I call my kids every endearment under the sun and babe is definitely in there. Just tell him that when we're at school we use people's names.

I do think 6 is old enough that he shouldn't really need more work on respecting boundaries though - he should understand the idea of personal space. I can understand the school seeing fit to call you if he's making other children uncomfortable.

I don't think SS would be concerned though, absent any other issues obviously.

takealettermsjones · 27/01/2025 18:21

Sorry, youth club.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 27/01/2025 18:25

Is this a religious youth club? I wonder if they take a hard line on anything interpreted as 'flirting'

They are unreasonable

fairycakes1234 · 27/01/2025 18:29

I think it's hilarious a little kid saying babe, but obviously tell him he has to call them by their name, regrading hugging, not sure where he thinks hugging etc is for someone 3 years older, if anything surely its more little kids that would do that....he sounds like an idiot and I wouldn't worry.

Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:29

He has now called back to say DS has been talking about knives and guns. I'm mortified.

He has minimal screen time at my home, and it's all monitored.

However, at his dad's I know he plays Roblox and that has a sonic (?) game that does say for ages 3+ but has shooting.

OP posts:
Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:30

Ablondiebutagoody · 27/01/2025 18:15

Besides informing you, what was the point of the call? Did the leader ask you to do anything? Did they say that they were going to do anything?

He said he wanted to understand DS' background and why he acts the way he does. He also said they wanted suggestions from me, on how they can make it more positive when he attends.

OP posts:
Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:30

MumChp · 27/01/2025 18:20

Just ask your child not to use Babe? I wouldn't fancy being called that at all by a 6 yo.

I have now.

I have never known him to call anybody that outside of the family home, he rarely says it anyway. When he does at home I find it funny/cute.

OP posts:
Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:31

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 27/01/2025 18:25

Is this a religious youth club? I wonder if they take a hard line on anything interpreted as 'flirting'

They are unreasonable

Is isn't religious. It's a community thing, we're in a forces heavy area and it's an army type thing.

OP posts:
fairycakes1234 · 27/01/2025 18:31

anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:29

He has now called back to say DS has been talking about knives and guns. I'm mortified.

He has minimal screen time at my home, and it's all monitored.

However, at his dad's I know he plays Roblox and that has a sonic (?) game that does say for ages 3+ but has shooting.

This man seems to have a lot of time on his hands to ring again, what was he saying about knives and guns, he's obviously just talking about the games he played, and if it's not that, have a word with him. If he keeps ringing I'd take your child out, it's ridiculous..eta you mention its army type thing, surely that's why he's mentioning guns and knives??

MumChp · 27/01/2025 18:32

anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:30

I have now.

I have never known him to call anybody that outside of the family home, he rarely says it anyway. When he does at home I find it funny/cute.

Show quote history

But tbh it's not funny or cute outside home to not related people. Just teach him that.

Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:32

But tbh it's not funny or cute outside home to not related people. Just teach him that.

That's exactly what I'm saying. @MumChp

OP posts:
batsandeggs · 27/01/2025 18:33

The babe thing is a non issue and as long as you’re teaching him about consent and appropriate touching I think that seems ok. He’s only 6 and the important conversations are happening.

The knives and guns thing is far more concerning in my view. What exactly was he saying?

MargaretThursday · 27/01/2025 18:33

Ds was a hugger (he's 17yo now, so objects most of the time). His school report at 6yo said "MasterThursday will hug anyone if they stand still long enough."

Looking back it was one of the signs he had ASD. It was a comfort/sensory thing.

Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:33

DS is very 'old headed' and advanced for his age (as per reports from teachers etc. but never been described as concerning until now).

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 27/01/2025 18:35

Could this be a regional difference ? Babe in some places is what romantic partners call each other. I hear words like honey, baby, sweetie etc being said to a child but not really babe. Maybe explain that babe is for family members so there’s no misunderstanding in future.

I’m not sure how holding hands and lots of cuddles is older than his age behaviour because I’d say the opposite but could it be interfering with the leader working and wanting to give attention to the others? Unless he was hurt and needed comforting, the only physical contact I’d expect is stuff like guiding him into position in a line or showing him how to do something.

Serriadh · 27/01/2025 18:35

My DS sometimes calls me “babe”. He got it off Bluey and thinks it’s hilarious. He’s 6 too!

Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:36

batsandeggs · 27/01/2025 18:33

The babe thing is a non issue and as long as you’re teaching him about consent and appropriate touching I think that seems ok. He’s only 6 and the important conversations are happening.

The knives and guns thing is far more concerning in my view. What exactly was he saying?

He said his ' concerning behaviours are constant', but could only give me the three examples he'd described.

Apparently when playing Lego, they asked what he was building and he said a gun and a knife.

This part I have found shocking, as he has never said anything like this at home. Nor have his school teachers or staff at extracurricular activities ever expressed he's said anything like this.

OP posts:
batsandeggs · 27/01/2025 18:38

anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:36

He said his ' concerning behaviours are constant', but could only give me the three examples he'd described.

Apparently when playing Lego, they asked what he was building and he said a gun and a knife.

This part I have found shocking, as he has never said anything like this at home. Nor have his school teachers or staff at extracurricular activities ever expressed he's said anything like this.

Show quote history

It’s an odd one. None of what he’s saying to you is massively alarming, like the kid is six and some kids that young some need support with boundaries - that’s ok. The guns and knives stuff sounds worrying in a surface level but what he describes also doesn’t seem like an issue. He sounds a bit pearl clutchy! I’d be digging deeper to understand what exactly his concerns are.

Original poster
anaiapl · 27/01/2025 18:39

I tried to dig deeper, and ask him to actually explain why these 'behaviours' are so concerning. He couldn't.

He said he and his colleague had been working in youth and community outreach for 40 years, so they know what behaviour is appropriate for a 6 year old and what isn't.

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 27/01/2025 18:39

I have a 6yo and I would say that children that age, especially boys, talking about knives and guns is very normal. I hate it and I wish it wasn't, but it is.

The hugs thing sounds like a child much younger than 6, I don't think any of my DC's friends do that any more even if they did when younger.

The babe thing is maybe regional - it's not something you'd ever hear used by or to children here so it would sound very strange.

None of it sounds worth raising in isolation except maybe the hugging but maybe the whole picture was concerning to him or something?

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