6 year old using the word "babe".

[anaiapl]

My 6 year old DS attends a youth club for primary school children for 1.5 hours on a week night.

The leader has just called me to say he wants to speak about some "concerning" behaviours displayed by DS. He says he acts like a child three years older than his age, and that it is constant.

He says he is tactile (cuddly, wants to hold hands etc.).

He referred to one of the leaders as "babe".

DS is a very, tactile child and love to be close with people. We have a very open dialogue about consent and asking people before hugs etc., but it seems this needs some more work.

He said that "babe" is inappropriate for a child his age. DS will be repeating this as I often refer to him as this, as does his grandmother.

The call really caught me off guard, the way he was speaking was as if something serious was going on DS and that it may be social services worthy.

Do you agree?

He would be cuddled up to me all day if he could. He's very loving and will tell family and friends how much he loves/appreciates them, and must feel compelled to show it physically too.

Will have to continue to set the boundaries and hope he starts getting it.

As a teacher I taught many children who came across older than they were. Often because they had older siblings or slightly lax parenting and were allowed access to tv/films/games for an older audience. If nothing else was going on I wouldn’t have bought it up. So the fact you haven’t previously heard from teachers etc about him making guns out of Lego isn’t surprising IMO.

It's an Army related club and they wonder why he is talking about guns 🙄

we're in a forces heavy area and it's an army type thing

Not really surprising he's playing guns then? Especially if e.g. cadet posters on the walls?

Sorry, cross posted!

If he can’t explain it I’d be pulling my kid and finding something else. He’s given you nothing concrete and “I just know” isn’t nearly enough to go on or to get yourself worried about. Absolutely link in with your son’s dad to ensure you’re on the same page about what content he’s exposed to re gaming and so on, but otherwise I wouldn’t sweat it.

Do boys not draw pictures of gunfights while making all the bullet noises anymore? They all did that when I was a kid.

My six year old can make a gun out of anything. I remember my eldest reception teacher saying the boys made guns out of whatever she had put out for them to play with!
He doesn't watch age inappropriate things although he does have an older brother so is probably a little more "grown up" than he would be otherwise but I'm not sure this is unusual?
Calling people Babe would just make me smile.

I don't think I'd be happy with a youth worker ringing me to say they were concerned about my child for these reasons. Seems incredibly overzealous.
He's making a gun out of Lego. I think given the army environment this is something that shouldn't be flagged as hugely unusual. If he started pointing it at other children in the group or said anything threatening then that would be a cause for concern, but building with Lego alone is a stretch.
The use of babe is probably something they could've casually mentioned to him. Youth workers are guides to children too. A simple 'its not ok to call other people babe here, not everyone likes it' would've been fine. A call home to say it's an issue is excessive.

Not a term I like myself but obviously lots of people use it all the time (in an absolutely non-sexual sense) and a child in that environment is just going to repeat it.

I guess it's not really an appropriate term for an authority figure but he isn't to know that.

Thank you.

I was really feeling like a crap mum.

It's an army area, & there's concern about guns ???

Ringing back is even stranger. Why didn't tell you everything at once?

Is your ds black or mixed raced? They want to understand his 'background' screams to me that they're fishing to find out whether you're a single mother

And the talk of knives and guns, hmm

I think this is weird behaviour from the youth club.

Whether Babe is considered appropriate is entirely subjective and there’s no solid reason for that to be any kind of concern. Loads of people call others babe as a term of endearment.

My DS is nearly 6 and him and his friends regularly mention things like guns, knives etc. It’s not ideal but it comes from action type programmes and toys. It’s not unusual at all.

Im a social worker and don’t find either of these concerning, unless there are other factors to be considered alongside.

Funnily enough, he is mixed race yes.

I am half Caribbean, half white. His dad is white.

The only black family that attend.

His dad and I are not together, it's only me that does the pick up and drop off.

I'm surprised at these responses. It's not something I'd mention to a parent, but calling someone in a position of authority a term of endearment (babe, darling, mate even) is just completely inappropriate and I really don't think it would have happened 15+ years ago. Would you have called a teacher babe/darling/mate at aged 6? I cannot even begin to imagine doing so and cannot imagine my own 6 year old doing so now but it's becoming more and more common for children to have to be explicitly told this.

Children copy. My little nephew keeps calling my dad ‘old mate’ and ‘old fella’. No idea where he’s got it from but it’s clearly something he’s head somewhere.

Hmmm I think you may have the very grim answer here 😔 there’s clearly something about your son that unsettles them and given the lack of real facts I’d say this is worth looking into. I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t be sending him back regardless of whether it’s a ethnicity discrimination or not, none of it sits well and could end up giving him a complex

I really don't think there's anything that troubling in your son's behaviour, just minor natural adjustments needed.

Lots of kids make guns and knives out of Lego, even ones who don't watch violent programmes.
I agree with a PP about this being related to you and your son's ethnicity. There's something really off in the way they didn't tell you everything in one phonecall and then can't really explain what they mean.

All boys play guns at some point, even those who grow up in toy gun free homes. There's studies on it. Completely normal and it ramps up when they mingle with children with older siblings. Speaking from the experience of being a toy gun free house, and having a 6 year old who learned an extensive gun vocabulary shortly after starting school! And just count up how many of the lego and playmobil sets aimed at his age come with tiny guns and swords (anything with police, pirates, knights etc)

And the babe thing could be from the bluey episode where they role play the parents. My parents have called me babe my entire life, and my boy is frequently referred to as my baby. I actually think it's weird that the group are sexualising it or making a big deal when they could just say "it's Mr XYZ actually"

There's a child at my sons school who is very tactile, I don't think a conversation about consent will hit as well as just simply doing what this child's parents do and just say "personal space, please" . It's a much easier message to understand.

If they aren't explicitly told, how would they know?

Im sorry girl but this is your answer ❤️

Im not someone that sees racism everywhere either

But if he was white working class, him calling kids babe wouldn't be an issue

Going on about knives and guns?? At 6?? Sure

And then asking about his background is code for - are you a single mum, wheres his (implied blsck) dad

Its clear to me that that's what it is.

Not sure how you'd proceed, as this sounds like your community?

His dad could go and speak to them, which I'm sure would change their minds. I'm disgusted by them and would not be returning, myself

Sorry x

And to add, even if he was mentioning guns, it was surely in a childlike way like lots of boys do. They're an army base, i cannot see an army base having an issue with gun play?

And which was it, knives or guns?? How was he playing knives?? Guns makes sense but what 6 year old kid runs around pretending to play with both 😅

Their racism is so obvious to me. Even the way they've phrased it seems like a dog whistle 'going on about knives and guns'.