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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to agree to swap bedrooms with DD15?

29 replies

sammyspoon · 27/01/2025 16:56

Just interested to see what others would do in this situ - We have a pretty typical 4 bed semi for our family of 4 - 2 large doubles on 1st floor, one box room, bathroom, then loft double bedroom with ensuite. Box room is used as a study and each daughter has a double room and we have the loft. Plenty of space for all, we're very fortunate. The 1st floor bedrooms have really great storage, double wardrobes in each. Large shared bathroom. Loft has a tiny shower room and awkward storage, it's a big room with lots of floor space but very awkward storage. My 15 year old has asked if there is any possibility of her having the loft room as she would make better use of the space and spends lots of time in her room. DH said no way as it is the 'best' room therefore should be ours.
I have never loved the room - it gets boiling in summer, the ensuite is really tiny so I use the main bathroom anyway, i don't particularly enjoy hearing DH getting up and peeing in the night, and the storage isn't good for 2 people. It has loads of floor space, so she could have a little sofa in there, which we would never do as we only use the room to sleep. It has nice views. I'd be happy to swap, on the understanding that if / when she moved out of home and we or her sister wanted the room, she would have to go along with that. DH thinks I am nuts in considering her request.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 27/01/2025 17:00

Not unreasonable at all, but your husband needs to agree too.

JimHalpertsWife · 27/01/2025 17:01

Sounds like on a practical level, the swap makes sense, and dh is just blinded by is "me parent, me in charge" attitude.

I assume he quite likes, as the only male, having a bathroom for him, and you and the girls share the main one - I can see the logistics of that being a pain, as now he will share with 2 women/girls while the other girl has their own. Would there be space to put a shower room in on the ground floor?

Rickrolypoly · 27/01/2025 17:01

It's not unreasonable if you want to but equally, your husband in not unreasonable not to want to.

OtterlyMad · 27/01/2025 17:02

You’re not being unreasonable but neither is your husband, you both just havr different views on what is the “best” (aka most suitable) room for you as a couple.

Hecatoncheires · 27/01/2025 17:02

Makes sense. My DD16 has the biggest/best room in our house. She spends most of her time in there so it's fair enough.

RandomMess · 27/01/2025 17:03

Be aware that my DD thumping around upstairs into the early hours wakes me up and drives me crazy.

BobbyPeruLikeTheCountry · 27/01/2025 17:05

My parents gave me the “best” room when I was a teen because obviously I spent more time in there hanging out with friends and stuff, and they had the rest of the house.

its silly that just because the room is the best the adults must have it. Obviously if your husband has a good reason beyond it being “best” then fair enough, but if not, I think he’s being a bit unreasonable.

5128gap · 27/01/2025 17:05

Well if your DH is against it, it's not really fair on him. Or on DD2. If the storage in there is awkward then it will be worse for DD surely, given she will store all her stuff in there, whereas you have the rest of the house for your things. Then you're putting extra strain on the family bathroom which will be shared by 3 not 2. Personally I'd look to improve the storage and stay put.

MumonabikeE5 · 27/01/2025 17:09

Loft rooms are often the “master room” by vertue of you spending so much to build them, when actually the head height in much of the room is limited, and there are more stairs to reach them.
stick a kid up there, with bean bags and slouchy stuff, and get your self a full height wall of Glorious storage
!

kiraric · 27/01/2025 17:10

I wouldn't, personally. For a few reasons -

With teens staying up late etc, I would rather have the quietest room which is likely to be the top floor

I would love to have a sofa and coffee table in my bedroom to get away from the rest of the household sometimes

It might cause issues with your other DD over time - at the moment they have similar rooms, but if you did the switch, DD1 would have a nicer one and en suite

I would put in air conditioning to sort the heat and invest in some better storage which I am sure could be done

I also think it's logical for the two people sharing, i.e. the parents to have the biggest room as they are going to have a lot more clothing to store

LittleOwl153 · 27/01/2025 17:14

How much younger is your younger child. Is that why DH is reluctant?

I'd definately be doing what works for you all indpendnant of what the status symbol room set up is!

InTheRainOnATrain · 27/01/2025 17:17

I don’t rate the loft room either so my DD has it whilst we have the largest room on the first floor. We did configure the bathroom up there though so the access is from the loft landing rather than being an ensuite which means anyone can use it and the loft room doesn’t have ‘master bedroom status’. But I think in your case DH has to be on board, which it doesn’t sound like he is, and I’d be worried it isn’t fair on DD2 because at the moment they have comparable rooms but the swap would mean DD1 gets a massive upgrade and her own bathroom.

LEWWW · 27/01/2025 17:31

Only if your DH agrees, after all it is his bedroom too, might cause resentment issues between the two girls too.

Original poster
sammyspoon · 27/01/2025 17:50

Obviously I wouldn't agree to anything without having come to an agreement with DH first. We're able to have a grown up discussion, he was just really gobsmacked I don't think the loft room is marvellous. Thanks for the input. I do need to consider DD13 and how she would feel. Also there are potentially things we could do to improve the storage up there. All of us are fairly minimalist, we don't have loads of clothes. But loft doesn't even have proper hanging space. We could think about putting in a wardrobe but it would have to block some of the window I think. At the moment we have one of those moveable hanging rails in the eaves. And a chest of drawers each.

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 27/01/2025 17:55

Would she agree to having to swap with her sister at 18, after ALevels, if her sister wants to? So they both get a turn at the bigger room, with ensuite?

Winterskyfall · 27/01/2025 18:19

We also have a loft room, boiling in summer, freezing in winter. I do not see it as the best room and if it was my bedroom (we use it as a tv room) and someone wanted to swap knowing the downsides I would do it in a heartbeat.

Beamur · 27/01/2025 23:23

I have a loft bedroom. I'd swap it happily - I really don't like them. Perfect den hangout for a teen though.

CheekyRaven · 31/01/2025 11:13

We swapped rooms with our DA when he lived at home. He took the biggest room as he practically lived in it when not out. I preferred the 2nd bedroom as at the back of the house so much quieter.

MystyLuna · 31/01/2025 12:05

I don't see why parents must have the "best" room and I also don't think you are nuts for considering this.
My son is mentally disabled so cannot express an opinion but he has what is considered as our bedroom 1 because it is bigger and out the front because he likes sitting in the window watching the world go by.
Our bedroom is out the back so only had a view of our small garden and a 12 foot wall.
I don't think rooms should be allocated based on what is the "best" room but more on what is most practical / suitable for each family member.

DecafDodger · 31/01/2025 12:27

We have the smallest bedroom, all we need is bed and some storage. Kids spend way more time in their rooms, including with friends.

Maray1967 · 31/01/2025 12:32

We have exactly the same number of type of rooms - and we are in the main bedroom on the first floor. The loft room was a guest room which was used a lot in its first few years. Then DS1 went up there when he was 11. When he left home DS2 now 16 went up there. No way would DH and I go up there - it’s too hot in summer and there isn’t enough storage. It’s a teen paradise - not for two parents! Now we use the second bedroom on the first floor as a guest room and the small third bedroom on the first floor is DH’s office.

Hoardasurass · 31/01/2025 12:35

sammyspoon · 27/01/2025 17:50

Obviously I wouldn't agree to anything without having come to an agreement with DH first. We're able to have a grown up discussion, he was just really gobsmacked I don't think the loft room is marvellous. Thanks for the input. I do need to consider DD13 and how she would feel. Also there are potentially things we could do to improve the storage up there. All of us are fairly minimalist, we don't have loads of clothes. But loft doesn't even have proper hanging space. We could think about putting in a wardrobe but it would have to block some of the window I think. At the moment we have one of those moveable hanging rails in the eaves. And a chest of drawers each.

Could you not get a fitted wardrobe built that doesn't cover the window

BobbyBiscuits · 31/01/2025 12:40

It's seems a no brainer as far as both you and daughter are concerned. It will be nice for her to use it for socialising. And as a teen I would've killed for an en suite, no matter how small.

I actually switched rooms when I was 14, I had a double bed which I thought was fantastic!

It's just a case now of you both selling the concept to your husband. Try and big up the positives of the new room, and obviously explain why you don't really like the attic. I hope you go through with it x

Tohaveandtohold · 31/01/2025 12:49

I think the loft room will be best for your DD based on what you’ve described but I can see why your DH would want it as well. There’s the privacy of being and honestly, my DH won’t swap a room with an en-suite even if it was the smallest one, having a separate bathroom is all he has ever wanted (we don’t have an en-suite currently and he always talk about wanting to move one last time so we can have that). Also if your DH likes the room, he would be reluctant to swap with her really. Both parties have a point.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 31/01/2025 13:45

Perhaps the deal should be that for A level cycle they each get the room. More space and peace and quiet to study.

Making it DD1s room on a permanent basis could be a bit fraught without managing expectations. What happens if she goes to uni? What happens if she doesn’t?
What happens when she moves home after uni or wants to move her boyfriend in because she has an en suite?

It might also be sensible to include in your discussion what the options are to improve the space so it meets your needs if DH doesn’t want to move.

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