How do I handle this with my 2 year old? I am despairing

[Klor]

Ds 2y 3 months won’t get dressed. I have tried everything, tv, food, playing first, getting cross, leaving him to do it and leaving the room… nothing works for around 30 minutes. When he eventually relents, half the time he will undress himself a couple of minutes later. I am on my own all week with him so nobody to take over and I am getting late for work often as a result of this. I can’t cope with it anymore. I am quite robust and I have clear boundaries with things but this is one thing I can’t seem to crack and to be blunt about it… it’s fucking up my day. This morning I got cross and then he cried and I felt like the worst mother ever and cried on the way back from nursery. I just don’t know what to do

This! Sometimes you just need to be firm, all this pandering with sticker charts and whatnot sounds mental to me.

Ah I feel your pain. This happened to us when DD turned 2 (now 2.5). Getting out of the house is the bane of my life. Tried everything that everyone's suggested but ultimately, if she doesn't want to do it she doesn't want to do it.

If I force her clothes on then she if perfectly capable of stripping off entirely as soon as I let go. If she's only missing a couple of things we just take her as is and then finish when we get there. TV sometimes works. Sometimes getting up earlier helps just to have more time, but equally if she's tired it's actually worse...

Solidarity. You're a good parent - 2yos are just a real challenge.

Remember that. I ended up taking her to nursery sometimes in pjs.

I was told
Ask once
Tell once
Then leave them to it. Take them out in pjs (with clothes /shoes secreted so where in your bag). Then at some point they will relent.

It's hard though.

One wise friend once said to me "the trouble with kids is that they are fucking childish. Too right 😂

My kids have def gone into nursery / preschool in their PJs… I’m sure they’ve seen it all before and won’t think you’re not coping… you’re just taking the heat out of the situation. If not can you just put him to bed in clothes (joggers and a tshirt or whatever he wants) and he just gets up and goes… no need to get changed.

just don’t make it into a battle.

Definitely this for the win!

As pp said it’s about being firm. Don’t give your child the option to mess around. You dress them even if it involves kicking and screaming. They soon get used to it!

I once strapped mine into the car in her pants and said we were going to nursery like that, she got dressed very quickly after that... She was probably a little older though.

I'd do the sleeping in clothes thing for a while, to break the habit, if you don't fancy the nuclear option above 😂

Could you use "pijamas" that are just a neutral joggers and top and take him to nursery in that?

Our nursery has a uniform even for 2yo so my 2.5yo is very proud to wear hers. Maybe just make his favourite outfit his everyday one?

@ooooohnoooooo , you reminded me of my friend making me smile when she admitted telling her (two-year-old) child to stop behaving like a two year old!

For the 'be firm and get them dressed' crowd. Ok. What do you do if the kid either takes them off again or is unconsolably upset? Kids are people and people aren't all the same.

My DD (3) goes through stages like this. I've sent her in before in pyjamas, or wrangled the bottoms off and just put joggers on with a pyjama top on top. No one will notice. She will also reliably choose the most weather inappropriate outfit and tantrum to wear it.

The one thing (and I know sugar, screen time and all that) but honestly sometimes the only thing that has worked and got her out of the house is milk and a biscuit or one of those chocolate brioche on my lap whilst watching whatever her current favourite thing on TV is. She has breakfast at nursery and I suspect a lot of the time she's a bit hangry when the clothes refusal starts.

I can always tell when my 2 year old is going to have a difficult nursery drop off and it starts with getting dressed he'll throw his trousers across the room or go and hide his shoes. So maybe yes he associates it with you going off to work. Unreasonable little dictators made me laugh

Get him dressed last.

You don't give them the opportunity because you get them dressed and leave the house immediately. So you have everything ready before they go. As soon as you've managed to set off without them undressing, you praise them with whatever ridiculous treat for managing to leave without undressing. Even if they're screaming.

I used to sing songs with mine when they were toddlers e.g. okey-cokey "left arm in" was when left sleeve went on (it did not come off again with "left arm out"!) then silly dancing with the "shake it all" about stage.

Apt.

Part of parenting a 2 year old is often you have to just make them do stuff they don't want to do. Sometimes they might cry about it. Can you add in some consequences if he doesn't comply ora reward eg if you can do it quickly there's time for an extra story before we go.

As a pp said, its normal to get cross with a toddler behaving like a monkey.

This made my morning.

So true.

I normally have something I know my son will really want to do/play with. Usually his drawing board he plays on in the car. And I remind him that it's waiting but we 'have to get dressed before we can leave the house' usually (not always) works.

As pp said it’s about being firm. Don’t give your child the option to mess around. You dress them even if it involves kicking and screaming. They soon get used to it

This... children aren't born obedient! Through parenting you teach them that its quicker/easier to just follow instructions. That resistance is futile & that refusing to do as you are told will result in unpleasant consequences.

One of my sisters boys was like this. She bought lovely jogging bottoms in different colours and nice soft long sleeve tops that were comfortable enough for PJs but smart enough for daytime. So she didn't have to dress him in morning. He was fine about getting changed in the evening at bathtime apparently.

Also i wouldn't avoid the problem by putting him to bed in clothes or going to nursery in pjs

All that does is teach him that resisting you works & means he doesn't have to get dressed. If really its about not liking the drop to nursery he will probably just replace it with another form of resistance like car seat refusal.

You are just storing up the problem of teaching him obedience and actually its MUCH harder to sort behaviour out later on.

@madmumofteens that was our tidying up song! Everything had to be in the toy box by the time it finished!

OP - DD1 was like this. Just didn’t want to wear clothes. I told her one day to look at the window and if she could see anyone outside not wearing clothes, she wouldn’t have to put hers on. She stood there looking for a good few minutes before sighing and giving up.

I work in a nursery and wouldn’t judge. Far from it as I’d be relieved my dad wasn’t the only one! Most memorable was when she was not far off three, with snow lying on the ground, she went to nursery in her nappy, wellies and dressing gown. Of course, when the nursery staff offered to dress her she was totally game! And more recently she got as far as the car park in her PJs, but then got dressed in the car.

I don’t allow telly until she’s ready, so if she leaves it too late so be it.

I had this with my daughter. She'd dance around in her nappy when I was trying to dress her which would be quite cute if I didn't also have to get ready for work.

I know this won't work for every child but I introduced a star jar and she'd get a star every time she got dressed without a fuss. When the jar was full she'd get a treat of some sort. I also have a 'chore chart' where she can slide a button from a cross to a tick when the activity is completed. If she ticks off everything, she gets a sticker.

Yes, I'm an ex early years / primary teacher