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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To arrange an alcohol free wake?

58 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/01/2025 14:33

It’s for my father, a lifelong abstainer. He allowed me to bring alcohol into his house for my wedding reception, I’d like to return the favour by not having alcohol at his wake. Will people be ok with this, or will they expect it to be available, or indeed need it to be available?

It’ll be in a Methodist church hall which will hopefully give people a clue.

OP posts:
ERthree · 27/01/2025 17:31

Condolences on the loss of your Dad. Even though we came from a long line of publicans on my Dads side we had a 2 hour "dry" wake for my mum at home and nobody complained. It was also planned to go to the pub after the wake had finished.

EmeraldsandRubies · 27/01/2025 17:32

Just done exactly that for my partners mother. In a methodist church hall. It was a tad alien to me being CofE and associating such occasions with alcahol.

But no-one batted an eyelid at my M&S sandwiches and homemade cakes from the farmshop washing down by tea, coffee and assorted soft drinks from M&S.

Octopies · 27/01/2025 23:08

YANBU I would only really expect alcohol at a pub wake. Would the Church Hall even allow alcohol? I know with the Churches I went to as a kid, alcohol wasn't allowed to be consumed in the Halls, but maybe times have changed. Whenever I've been to a wake in a Church Hall, hotel or crematorium it's just been tea and coffee. Sorry for your loss Flowers

ThinWomansBrain · 27/01/2025 23:14

My sister's stepmother was methodist, wasn't alcohol at the church hall buffet thing afterwards, didn't expect there to be.

Longwaysouth · 27/01/2025 23:26

I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had a full and long life. I think it is lovely that you are not serving alcohol.
I would assume as his farewell is at the Methodist Church that there would be no alcohol allowed.

NattyTurtle59 · 27/01/2025 23:56

You can do whatever you want to OP, you are organising the wake. I'm sure your Dad would be proud of you. People can expect whatever they like, doesn't mean they are going to get it.

I'm not in the UK but most funerals here are followed by morning/afternoon tea rather than anything with alcohol.

Greyish2025 · 27/01/2025 23:57

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/01/2025 17:13

Thanks you all for responses, and for the good wishes.

I'm reassured that an alcohol-free funeral tea" is a normal event. And delighted that most Methodist church halls don't allow alcohol anyway - that makes it easy for me!

For those that know me from elsewhere - Dad led an interesting life and enjoyed it up to the end, which, when it came, was relatively swift and pain free. We were able to be there at the end. He was 102.

What a great age! I’m glad to hear that he seems to have led a full and enjoyable life, condolences on your loss, have the wake you think he would have wanted

meh2025 · 28/01/2025 02:47

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/01/2025 14:33

It’s for my father, a lifelong abstainer. He allowed me to bring alcohol into his house for my wedding reception, I’d like to return the favour by not having alcohol at his wake. Will people be ok with this, or will they expect it to be available, or indeed need it to be available?

It’ll be in a Methodist church hall which will hopefully give people a clue.

Don't give them a clue, just tell them to avoid having to answer the same questions on the day.

Some might prefer to leave and go to the pub after a while, but many will be fine with it being tea total.

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