AIBU to stop sleepovers?

[user8392819]

A few weeks ago DS 15 told me he is gay. He has a best friend who has been having sleepovers regularly and DS has now told me that they are in a relationship and have been for around four months.
He has asked if he can still sleepover, I don't know what to do. If I say no it looks like I am punishing him for being honest, if he had not of told me then the sleepovers would still be happening.

My DDs best friend is gay - His mum does not allow sleepovers with boys.

15 is too young for sleepovers with a partner imo. I'd say no.

Honestly, if he’s been having them for four months, why stop now? You’ll
only force them to go behind your back. I would just ensure he knows about safe sex and that no one is pressuring him in to anything.

When is he 16? Is he just gone 15 or nearly 16?

Can he stay in a different room for the sleepover? If not then I would stop them.

There was a similar thread recently about a DD who was gay. Not sure how to locate it!

I think my view would be no sleepovers. As noted by various posters on the other thread, I think it's too much physical/emotional intensity at this age to be sleeping in the same bed with a boyfriend/girlfriend.

It’s difficult, I can see what you’re saying about punishment. OTOH, is allowing them to stay together encouraging an intimate relationship that’s both too soon and that they are too young to have. I understand they’ll ’do it anyway’ but it’s one thing having a quick fumble when your mum has nipped out to having a whole night ‘exploring’. I think free rein puts the relationship on a whole other level.

FWIW, my bf’s were never allowed to sleep in my room. Always stayed in the spare room. We managed not to go off bonking all over the park.

I think setting the same boundaries for same sex couples acknowledges that their relationship is just as important as a M/F one.

Regardless of sexual orientation, 15 is too young to have sleepovers with a love interest.

Spot on. Doesn't matter if boy or girl, gay or straight. 15 is just too young to have a sleepover with a bf/gf.

This is a difficult one, I guess it depends on how far things have gone between the two without you knowing.
If they have started having sex then they are going to continue doing it somewhere and I would want them at home where they are safe.

As @DisappearingGirl mentioned, there was a similar thread recently written by a Mum who was having a similar quandary after her DD came out. Here's the response I wrote to that, which got quite a few "heart" and "thumbs up" reactions, so might be helpful to you too:

Mum of a 17 year old lesbian here, so I have some lived experience and remember how tricky it was to navigate initially!

We came up with the rule that female friends could stay over, but we made her wait until she was 17 before her actual girlfriend was allowed to stay the night. When DD1 was younger, we also allowed her best friend (who is a gay male) to come over until midnight, on the agreement that I gave him a lift home rather than him sleeping here (which I am happy to do), but now they are older and both in relationships with people of the same sex as themselves, we allow him to sleep over too.

We were mindful of the fact we also have a heterosexual 15 year old DD too, and knew that whatever we decided for DD1, would have to be the same for DD2.

Teenage relationships are a minefield, I was home alone with my younger DSis for much of the time from the age of 15, and we had no rules about boys staying (or at least no one around to enforce them) and it led to some very unhealthy relationships and situations, so I wanted to do better for my girls.

Here's a link to the earlier thread, I suspect lots of the responses will feel relevant. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5250485-dds-friend-is-now-her-girlfriend-and-i-dont-know-if-rules-should-change