Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you holiday if you have DC with different dads?

47 replies

greenvoid · 26/01/2025 19:55

NC'd in case anyone recognises me.

I have 2DC, 8&6 that my DH (not their dad) are taking to Disneyland for 5 days this year. We did Center Parcs 2 years ago for a week too. That's what's been feasible for us so far to also allow us to save money every month for savings. When we go to Disneyland, I'll be 30 weeks pregnant. I was thinking about how we will do family holidays when the DC are a bit older but we will have a young DC and wanted to know what other people do? Do people ever take DC on holiday with their partner that's the DC's dad whilst other DC visit other parent? I'm more thinking weekend breaks away when the DC aren't here, they're with their dad EOW and usually half the school holidays. What do people do in this situation? Do you only holiday if everyone can go? And of you can't afford everyone, do you just not go at all? Thanks for any suggestions!

OP posts:
JustAskingThisQ · 26/01/2025 20:17

I'd only really go to places which are aimed at children the age of the youngest DC that the older ones won't be interested in. I'd still engage in general plans with family and friends so I might end up going away on a weekend with partner, friends and youngest DC just because it falls on the day the others are with their dad.

I wouldn't book a package holiday to Spain which everyone would enjoy without them.

JandamiHash · 26/01/2025 20:21

What I will say is that your 6yo and 8yo will likely feel a bit pushed out when the new baby comes, i would personally do my utmost to ensure that they always feel included and wouldn’t be doing holidays without them unless they approve it.

My niece’s mum would holiday with her OH and new child while niece was as visiting her dad. She felt really left out and now as an adult has a very fraught relationship with her mum so I’d just err on the side of caution

Ducksurprise · 26/01/2025 20:21

See I disagree.

I think it is perfectly fine to do different holidays with different children, providing it is fair overall.

Appreciate my situation is different as it is the same dad, but I have had holidays where I've left some of my children behind.

The oldest are now adults and do not have any grievance about it. They all had a better holiday (and childhood) by being treated as individuals.

Anonym00se · 26/01/2025 20:21

We always holidayed with all the kids together. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel pushed out if we’d have gone when they were with their dad.

HPandthelastwish · 26/01/2025 20:22

Admittedly I've only got one, but we just go on holiday regardless of contact and make it up on return but. Have a residency order.

If I had multiple children then I'd be taking everyone or no one for proper holidays.

Short weekend breaks are a little different but in this case I'd do a 1:1 trip with each of them separately because that 1:1 is important. And if other DC go away with their dad I'd encourage DH and joint child to go away too as it's a great way for them to bond.

Sanch1 · 26/01/2025 20:56

Big holidays we only do with all the children. We do weekends away with our youngest while my two eldest are with their dad. I explain it to them that they are off doing fun things with their dad and they can't expect us to sit around at home just because they aren't here. It's only fair their sister gets to do fun stuff too.

Han86 · 26/01/2025 20:57

Depends if they get a holiday with their dad.

Catza · 26/01/2025 21:07

My partner's ex has three kids from three different dads. They each spend half of school holidays with their respective dads and alternate Easter and Christmas trip so she is left with her current man and a toddler. So everyone holidays separately with their respective dads and then they do one summer trip together plus either Christmas trip or Easter trip depending on whose turn it is.

Original poster
greenvoid · 26/01/2025 21:34

I forgot to say that they don't go on holidays with their dad and likely never will (doesn't work so no money for holidays). They do sometimes have fun days out.

OP posts:
Irvinesv · 26/01/2025 21:42

No we don’t do holidays with just some of the children; it’s all or nothing. For us that would feel shitty to the kids who didn’t get to come.

toomuchfaff · 26/01/2025 23:38

So you're wanting to take the baby on holiday while your other children are with their dad? And they won't holiday with dad.

They're still your kids, don't ditch them for the new baby. Don't do activities or holidays where it's just "the baby".

Don't do that. That's evil step mom type shit, but you're the actual mom. wow

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/01/2025 23:48

I don’t think I wouldn’t go on holiday with a new baby/ child whose Dad I was married to and not my existing children, no. I wouldn’t want to create any sense whatsoever of “our little family” that didn’t include them. Even unintentionally, that’s going to be what they see.

Id stick to days out with the baby that are aimed at at very little ones (or at their age group as they get older).

All breaks - weekend or not - should include everyone.

Sanch1 · 27/01/2025 10:59

toomuchfaff · 26/01/2025 23:38

So you're wanting to take the baby on holiday while your other children are with their dad? And they won't holiday with dad.

They're still your kids, don't ditch them for the new baby. Don't do activities or holidays where it's just "the baby".

Don't do that. That's evil step mom type shit, but you're the actual mom. wow

What?! So those of us that have younger children with a new partner are not supposed to do any activities or have fun with them when the older children are with their dad? So, me DH and DD3 just do what? sit around at home pining for the other children. Dont be ridiculous! Granted I wont do a trip to Disney without all my children but we'll take youngest for a weekend overnight to a theme park no guilt whatsoever.

Original poster
greenvoid · 27/01/2025 11:06

@toomuchfaff I didn't say I was going to and also I did say I mean more weekend type things like staying somewhere overnight. I wouldn't do Disney without any of them!

OP posts:
ReignOfError · 27/01/2025 11:21

My son has one birth daughter, and two step-daughters, whose father never takes them on holiday.

He and my daughter-in-law do whole family holidays and weekends away, and when the older two are with their dad for part of the school holidays, my son takes the youngest away for a week or so. My daughter-in-law, who has a less generous holiday allowance, takes one, two or three of them away for (long) weekends or days out according to their interests.

Choccyscofffy · 27/01/2025 11:23

And of you can't afford everyone, do you just not go at all?

Would you leave your bio child behind?

So why would a step-child be left behind?

If you can’t afford to take a step-child, you can’t afford to go

ReignOfError · 27/01/2025 11:24

And, obviously, they do stuff with their shared child when the oldest two are at their dad's at weekends.

SquishyGloopyBum · 27/01/2025 11:39

This is the kind of thing you should have considered before getting pregnant to be honest.

They will feel pushed out if you do this.

kalloon · 27/01/2025 11:46

I have one DS who never sees his dad, and 2 DDs with DH. We all go on holiday together, although now DS is an adult he has chosen not to go on some holidays but that would happen in all families anyway.

Wouldn't have had more DCs if it meant we couldn't afford holidays and treats for the family.

JimHalpertsWife · 27/01/2025 12:10

How does weekends away work now without the dc? Do you and your dh go for these short breaks while the kids are at their dad's?

Original poster
greenvoid · 27/01/2025 13:13

@JimHalpertsWife love your username. I'm pg right now but DH and I will do 'grown' up things some weekends, like go to art galleries or see a 'grown up' film at the cinema, but that's not super often. Right now the weather is too rubbish to enjoy going for long walks in the countryside etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenvoid · 27/01/2025 13:14

@SquishyGloopyBum I had the pill for 8 months and it failed one cycle. Neither of us planned on another DC but you have to work with the cards you're dealt.

OP posts:
Choccyscofffy · 27/01/2025 13:15

greenvoid · 27/01/2025 13:13

@JimHalpertsWife love your username. I'm pg right now but DH and I will do 'grown' up things some weekends, like go to art galleries or see a 'grown up' film at the cinema, but that's not super often. Right now the weather is too rubbish to enjoy going for long walks in the countryside etc.

What will do with your bio children when you go on holiday with DH? Leave them with grand parents?

MiddleAgedDread · 27/01/2025 13:19

I think at the age they are now you need to include everyone, particularly if they don't go away with their dad. Once they're older e.g. you have a 10, 16 and 18 yr old, they might decide they're over family holidays and you can just go away with the younger one

yogpot · 27/01/2025 13:20

I’m the step mum, but we don’t holiday without my stepchild. The only exception has been visiting my family who are overseas - and usually my husband doesn’t even come for that as his leave is unpaid (self employed). I work PT so will take the youngest for a long weekend at my parents doing stuff the eldest (stepchild) would hate like going to my grandad’s 93rd birthday lunch or mum and dad’s silver wedding anniversary party.

Wouldn’t dream of doing any other sort of trip without the eldest. He will soon be 16 and we may do then as he will still be invited but obviously if he says no we won’t deprive the youngest of trips! Hopefully we can still tempt him away with us!