To ask how you holiday if you have DC with different dads?

[greenvoid]

NC'd in case anyone recognises me.

I have 2DC, 8&6 that my DH (not their dad) are taking to Disneyland for 5 days this year. We did Center Parcs 2 years ago for a week too. That's what's been feasible for us so far to also allow us to save money every month for savings. When we go to Disneyland, I'll be 30 weeks pregnant. I was thinking about how we will do family holidays when the DC are a bit older but we will have a young DC and wanted to know what other people do? Do people ever take DC on holiday with their partner that's the DC's dad whilst other DC visit other parent? I'm more thinking weekend breaks away when the DC aren't here, they're with their dad EOW and usually half the school holidays. What do people do in this situation? Do you only holiday if everyone can go? And of you can't afford everyone, do you just not go at all? Thanks for any suggestions!

@Choccyscofffy DH and I don't and haven't gone on holiday on our own. Center Parcs and upcoming Disneyland are the only holidays we've had together.

Also we don't have any grandparents to help (one set dead, one set in another country).

Yes, but you asked what do people do with kids when you can’t afford to take them on holiday? So would you leave your child with other adults when it’s a bit older so you can go away?

@yogpot if DH and I couldn't afford to take DC away, we wouldn't go away on our own

FWIW we will be able to afford a family holiday of 5 but it'll be every 2-3 years and the next holiday after Disneyland will likely be when Dbaby is 3 at least. Unless we find an insanely good Eurocamp deal.

if DH and I couldn't afford to take DC away, we wouldn't go away on our own

Then the same applies for step-kids. If you can’t afford to take step-kids away, you shouldn’t go away at all.

The money should be saved for your whole family holiday.

This is really tricky. I grew up in a blended family, my Dad died so my sister and I lived with my Mum and step-Dad full-time. His children alternated between our shared house and their Mum's. Initially we used to go on holiday altogether and they would also go on holiday with their Mum. At some stage my Mum started taking us on extra holidays, Easter or half-term without my step-siblings, I believe to offset the fact that the others were getting more holidays in the summer, but whilst these extra trips were whilst they were with their Mum it wasn't necessarily at the same time they were abroad with their Mum, and I think it just added another layer of complexity. Almost forty years later we all get in fine, but we are not all equally close. I would advise caution and giving it a lot of thought before you make a final decision on this.

So why would you then go with half your kids? Either you go somewhere with (and for) the kids, so include them all, or you go on a couples break and have the mutual child looked after by a relative.

Seeing as their dad can't take them away, you'd be creating a scenario where 2 of your children would have 1 holiday a year while your third child had multiple.

Why do that?

It would be fine, if their dad took them on holiday. Because he doesn’t, it makes it trickier for you.

@JimHalpertsWife it's not quite like that. It'd be one family holiday every few years regardless and a few weekends away perhaps when DC aren't here. If during the first two years it's weekends away (not abroad) for DH and I but d baby tags along, is that okay? Genuinely asking, I don't want to create any animosity down the line!

@SemperIdem I know and I wish he would! But won't get a job and scrounges off his parents, so I doubt it'd ever happen.

I think you need to keep an eye out for how your DH treats his step-kids when your baby comes along.

Who has mentioned taking just your baby away, you or DH?

But you don't currently do weekends away with dh so why would you when the baby comes?

@Choccyscofffy neither of us, I just thought about it last night. DH does treat DC like his own, drives them everywhere, pays for their clubs, has taken them for days out when I've been at work, cooks their dinners.

@JimHalpertsWife anticipating a higher income and thus more disposable income, it's not that we don't want to but we've prioritised saving for the past few years as when we moved house we had none after.

That’s good. I hope it stays that way. I would continue to advocate for your older dc.

Good luck with the pregnancy and birth 🌸

There's a big age gap between my kids 13 years. First couple years we did stuff more aimed at older dd. After that we did holidays abroad- pool and kids club for lo and pool/ entertainment for older one

Would it not sit uncomfortable with you that one of your children is getting more holidays than the others? On purpose?

If their dad was taking them abroad every year, and you couldn't afford to take anyone away, then 2 of your 3 children would be getting more than the third. But then that would be a situation outside of your control.

This is very much your choice. I couldn't take 1 of my kids away on trips and intentionally leave the other 2 out.

Does DH have any children of his own? I think you need to find a holiday you can afford for all 3 children tbh. Just go to Centerparcs Europe or Eurocamp Northern Europe. Or stay in UK.

My dc have different dads, when we went away both children came. Only once dc1 choose not to come but he was still offered.

You haven't mentioned it if you're flying but at 30-weeks pregnant, I doubt they would let you.

Ds was born at 36 weeks, a month early.

I have a 2 year old and an 11 and 13 year old with previous partner we really want to take little one to Lapland in a couple of years. Since the older two are past the Santa stage, mentioned it to them and they were most upset! 😂
I'll find a way round it, took them away alone last year and they also go on holiday with their dad so I think it's ok as long as it's fair