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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking my boyfriend was flirting or being to nice to my bestfriend

64 replies

Linni97 · 26/01/2025 08:08

been togheter 3 years.
I don’t mind my boyfriend being nice to my friends i don’t want him to be rude to them ofc. But i think it slipped for me last night when me, him and my bestfriend and another friend of mine celebrated my friends bday. At my friends place.
My friends and bestfriend know my bf trough me.
Anyways. My bestfriend is suuuuper pretty and 101% my guy friends fall for her, i don’t blame them and they give her lots of attention and she is used to it she is not the girl that want a relationship lol. Shes tall, slim, shy, blonde hair and have a very pretty face. But tought my boyfriend would be different. I may be wrong. But i got very mad and uncomfy by him giving small touches at her knees and randoms time when we where hanging at my boyfriends place, and my friend being touchy and getting closer while talking to him at the bar. I think she was drunker than she normaly gets. But i also reacted a bit at the end when we went to my boyfriends place bcs the bus was late (her bus). Then those two where getting really comfy and my boyfriend didn’t Even ask if i wanted to take follow with them to take her to the buss stop afterwards.. she didnt even said anything to me either.. not even a bye or if i wanted to join like wtf.. i never seen her that comfy around my bf before im not sure if i overeacted, but me and him ended up in a small fight after that.. where i told him he was being a bit to touchy with her and he denied.. and was telling me i was being over dramatic.. but i so what i so! I would never be touchy with his friends! Never! nor my friend if she had a bf! I find that disrespectful! Drunk or not! It felt like he was focusing more on her than including me on their conversation.. he calmed down after wards and he said he feelt like an ass for making me feel that way. He said he tought he was being a nice host.. That he was very sorry.. espesially when i asked him if he would like that if i did it to his friends what he was doing to my friend.. idk.. should i talk to my friend to? I think for now the best is to keep distance between them. I don’t think its my bfs job to protect my friend or at least include me! I told him. Like yea ya all can talk but do ya really need to touch each other to do that?! Don’t think so! I know if my mom was there she would 100% told me to drop bothXD

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 26/01/2025 11:47

I think you should listen to your gut. Both of them acted wrongly. How old are you OP?

Original poster
Linni97 · 26/01/2025 15:23

@arcticpandas we all are on our 20s

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 26/01/2025 15:46

Yeah, I'd fund the bus thing weird too. Kind of allying himself with her, not with you if you see what I mean.

SwerveCity · 26/01/2025 15:52

Sounds like he’s into her, sorry op.

arcticpandas · 26/01/2025 16:13

Linni97 · 26/01/2025 15:23

@arcticpandas we all are on our 20s

So old enough to know that this behaviour is not cool at all. If I were you I would say nothing and deliberately hang out together and watch them closely. Your friend may not be in to him but liking the attention. Either way it's wrong. If a friend's boyfriend touched my knee I would jerk back to show that this is not on. Maybe you have to separate from both of them but give them a "last chance" first.

Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 04:14

@arcticpandas yea is the attention she prob likes. Its not like she haven’t said before that its quite nice to get attention from the guys. I talked to him and told him how it made me feel, not included and shit. That this his last chance, he did show he was very sorry and that he will make up to it me, I also spoke to my best friend why she didnt say anything like not even a bye or u coming? So im def keeping those to seperated for a while and prob look close next time and see how they interact. My boyfriend said at least he didn’t want to drink (alcohol), he is not a big drinker. Think both of them had a bit to much. But i did ecpect better aswell from my so called bestfriend to. Because i would NEVER. Even how drunk dumb i am

OP posts:
Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 04:17

@Barrenfieldoffucks yea, a little «hey u coming with us?» would have been nice! Like yea its nice for my boyfriend and friends to get along but not that comfy or when i end up feeling excluded like im the thirdwheel..

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 27/01/2025 04:24

Have they ever flirted before this that you know of?

What reason did she give for not saying goodbye?

TaggieO · 27/01/2025 04:34

Do you mean you and your boyfriend were going to stay at his place, she missed her bus and came back with you and then when it was time for the next bus he was walking her back to the bus stop? Because in those circumstances I don’t see why they would ask you - it would be normal to assume the person who didn’t need to go out at night just to walk to the bus stop would stay home?

Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 04:35

@Princessconsuelabananahammock9 i know my bf can get a bit handsy when drunk but uasally it just have been a pat on shoulder nothing much, i think it was different this time when we where only a few people, also this other friend of mine likes her but she dosn’t so i think she was more comfy around me and my bf. She said she did try to tell me or that why i didn’t went with them. Like girl.. ur my bestfriend why u deside to just go with someone elses man. I situation was opposite i would ask my friend instead to follow me aswell. But thats me. My bf likes to charm himself up. But i don’t think he needs to play her hero

OP posts:
FrauPaige · 27/01/2025 04:49

How would he have acted if you weren't there? When there was no reason to hold back?

Indiagrace94 · 27/01/2025 05:15

Can barely understand it to be honest. But if he was touchy feely I’d be annoyed.

Lampzade · 27/01/2025 05:32

You can bet that he would be really pissed off if you were touching his best friend or allowing his best friend to touch you .
I don’t agree that you should keep them separate . You cannot police the women he encounters. There are beautiful and charming women everywhere
What he needs to do is to respect you and respect boundaries . If he is unable to do this then dump him

MsDogLady · 27/01/2025 05:34

@Linni97, you know what you saw and are not overreacting, so don’t allow either of them to gaslight you with a clueless act. Your Boyfriend’s claim of ‘just trying to be a good host’ is ludicrous. They only had eyes for each other, and that was obvious to anyone who observed them.

The flirting, giggling, both being touchy and moving closer, and blanking/excluding you when walking to the bus — absolutely out of order and crossing boundaries. They were both lapping up mutual attraction, flattery, and ego gratification, which was a shitty and disloyal way to treat you.

They let you down in a big way. I would dump them both.

Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 06:19

@MsDogLady i was drunk to but not dumb. I also told him he had 0 reason to be upset. He knows better so does my friend. I don’t think my friend is into him im pretty sure, but it was also shitty of her to act like that. So i didn’t put all blame on my bf but her aswell since she supposed to be my «bestie» she is not a random girl that flirted with him.’. At the start they never where like this. And i wish it never went like this. He was also calling her his friend, but i told him no she is my friend! And she should have asked me to, not just go along with him. Idc how drunk they where. But they messed up. I told my bf this is his last chance to prove he can act better next time yeaaa bye boy! But i needed some time, For my friend.. i knew her way longer than my bf.. im dissapointed, so i think im going to distance my self a bit. Also she had barely asked to meet up after im being the one always asking for now. I do want my partner to get along with my friends but not where they stepping on boundaries

OP posts:
Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 06:43

@Lampzade oh i know he would! and you right i can’t always seperate, there are charming girls everywhere just as guys, but i know how to respect and keep cool. And i do expect him to act better on it drunken or not. But he will see less of her now unless its a nice outgoing without alcohol involved. They don’t need to have a friendship. Both gave me an ick honestly, even hanging one on one with her would made me annoyed now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 10:46

Why not? She is not his friend i am.. at least where she asks. My bf don’t need to run errands to protect her or idk to the buss. She is not his girlfriend. I would ask my partner if it was me or ask my friend if it was in that position to come aswell. @TaggieO

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 11:04

You now know that you can't trust either of them. Time to dump and move on.

Onlycoffee · 27/01/2025 11:16

Why are people so rude on here? If you don't have anything nice to say, why even comment?

Op, I am in awe of anyone who can speak more than one language!
As for your problem, is your bf a European nationality where being physical is culturally acceptable especially for men?
Not that I would like that or excuse it at all, but it would determine if I could give my bf a second chance once I'd explained how it made me feel.

Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 11:58

@Onlycoffee
we live in norway but its not quite the thing here. I did tell him he has to make up for me, after making me feel like a shitty thirdwheel. I know most guys act like dogs in heat around her but i really didn’t want him to be one of those and yea i told him that to lol since i kinda snapped at him first. Bcs he also knows our other friends and random guys act like that around her to. So my tought for now is keeping them at distance for a loooong time for now lol unless there is a special occasion.

OP posts:
MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 12:45

The answer isn't keeping them at a distance for a long time. The answer is being with someone who doesn't pull this shit.

MsDogLady · 27/01/2025 14:21

MrTiddlesTheCat · 27/01/2025 12:45

The answer isn't keeping them at a distance for a long time. The answer is being with someone who doesn't pull this shit.

I agree with @MrTiddlesTheCat.

@Linni97, after their sickening display, why would you keep either one of them in your life? They were acting like they were the couple and you were the gooseberry.

Your getting the ick was the appropriate reaction to their dogs-in-heat behavior and deep disrespect toward you. Bin both of them.

Original poster
Linni97 · 27/01/2025 21:43

@MsDogLady i did tell him that this is his last chance. If it was just a relationship of just month i prob break up right away but we been togheter for 3 years where i did find a place to think and tell myself, lets see if he really loves me enough to make up for it and calm down his friendliness. But me accepting his applogy dosn’t mean im 100 happy right away with his actions and he sure knows it. Also for my friend, i did told her why she didn’t tell me? She said she tought that i also was going since the bus was right around the corner. But i also told her that it felt like she was a bit handsy than usual. Shes not like this otherwise but it isn’t an excuse for her behaviour anyways. I think she got a bit out of her normally comfort zone with my bf. I told him next time he makes me feel this way i won’t even bother and leave. This is not what i wanted by introdusing my friends with my boyfriend. But i guess i learend my lesson right there lol. Yea introduce them but don’t let en get to close or hang out in group with few people to often

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 29/01/2025 05:25

Yea introduce them but don’t let en get too close or hang out in group with few people to often.

You shouldn’t have to put distance between your BF and your friends, @Linni97. It’s a sad state of affairs when you have to monitor him for fear that he will drool and get touchy-feely with them. He was acting like a single guy … like they were on a date. Your Friend was not behaving like a friend. She too was being handsy, and when he was repeatedly touching her knee, she didn’t pull away.

Be careful, @Linni97.

meh2025 · 29/01/2025 05:38

Linni97 · 26/01/2025 08:08

been togheter 3 years.
I don’t mind my boyfriend being nice to my friends i don’t want him to be rude to them ofc. But i think it slipped for me last night when me, him and my bestfriend and another friend of mine celebrated my friends bday. At my friends place.
My friends and bestfriend know my bf trough me.
Anyways. My bestfriend is suuuuper pretty and 101% my guy friends fall for her, i don’t blame them and they give her lots of attention and she is used to it she is not the girl that want a relationship lol. Shes tall, slim, shy, blonde hair and have a very pretty face. But tought my boyfriend would be different. I may be wrong. But i got very mad and uncomfy by him giving small touches at her knees and randoms time when we where hanging at my boyfriends place, and my friend being touchy and getting closer while talking to him at the bar. I think she was drunker than she normaly gets. But i also reacted a bit at the end when we went to my boyfriends place bcs the bus was late (her bus). Then those two where getting really comfy and my boyfriend didn’t Even ask if i wanted to take follow with them to take her to the buss stop afterwards.. she didnt even said anything to me either.. not even a bye or if i wanted to join like wtf.. i never seen her that comfy around my bf before im not sure if i overeacted, but me and him ended up in a small fight after that.. where i told him he was being a bit to touchy with her and he denied.. and was telling me i was being over dramatic.. but i so what i so! I would never be touchy with his friends! Never! nor my friend if she had a bf! I find that disrespectful! Drunk or not! It felt like he was focusing more on her than including me on their conversation.. he calmed down after wards and he said he feelt like an ass for making me feel that way. He said he tought he was being a nice host.. That he was very sorry.. espesially when i asked him if he would like that if i did it to his friends what he was doing to my friend.. idk.. should i talk to my friend to? I think for now the best is to keep distance between them. I don’t think its my bfs job to protect my friend or at least include me! I told him. Like yea ya all can talk but do ya really need to touch each other to do that?! Don’t think so! I know if my mom was there she would 100% told me to drop bothXD

So he sleazed on your pal in front of you and gaslighted you about it afterwards.

He will continue with and escalate this sort of behaviour, up to you if you're willing to put up with it.