Holidays - grumpy husband.

[thismummydrinksgin]

So
After years of a grumpy husband on holidays I've had enough - it's too hot, I have a rash, I don't want to be in the pool all the time etc etc. We stayed in Uk, cost almost as much and just got a different suite of complaints always aimed at me - where as have booked is too remote, he hates the beach, just wants to do what he wants for one day which is walking to a pub and basically I always come back crying.

This year am I being unreasonable if I am take my 13 year old daughter abroad alone? Sick of keeping everyone happy (also 17yr old boy but that's another story).

Looking for help - thinking Turkey, Greece or Cyprus, desperate for hotels recommendations short transfer, bits to do outside of hotel and quiet pools as Daughter doesn't cope with busy? Budget £2-3kXx

@comedycentral nail on the head here. I will relax more without him. Just feel guilty spending the money and time away without him.

@PullTheBricksDown the constructive criticism made me laugh. He always insists he doesn't want anything to do with booking, likes to discover it all when he's there. This inevitably leads to the critical analysis of the places I've spent weeks researching and trying to talk to him about!

@AnnaMagnani yes I will suggest this, I may even say I'll take child this year, he can do next year.

Just say 'Why don't you plan a lovely weekend away for yourself'

If he continues to grumble you could get one of those photo books, fill it with previous photos of him on holiday with some of his memorable quotes next to it 'It's too hot' 'Food was too spicy' 'It's not cultured enough' 'It's too cultured' 😆

@comedycentral hilarious 😆

No not at all. We flew into Milan Malpensa with Ryanair. Station is literally in the airport so got the train to main train station. Then walked from there to our hotel which was right next to a metro stop.
Used metro to get into centre of Milan when we wanted to go, it was really easy and took about 10 minutes. Did some shopping, visited some museums and parks, went up the Duomo and ate loads of pasta and pizza. I found a hotel with a pool (quite unusual in centre of Milan) so we went back to hotel in afternoon and lounged round the pool then went out in the evening.
I always wanted to go to Lake Como and Garda but didn’t want to stay there so this was ideal.
Trains are so cheap and reliable. Think it cost us €25-€30 for all of us to go to Lake Como and similar to Lake Garda. Once you get to the lakes, there are ferries to go between them. We then went to Bergamo on the day before we came home, bit of a last minute choice but we were shattered and missed the train to Verona as overslept! Bergamo was amazing too but hadn’t been on our list to visit.
It would have been my DH’s idea of hell…I’m the busy one and he likes to relax! We literally didn’t stop all week but had the best time. DS1 started Uni in September so it was extra special to have that time with him. Honestly I wish I’d have done it years ago.

Tell him to book the next holiday. Meanwhile you plan yours.

@mrsconradfisher going to add this to the melting pot!! He may be tempted with this .

God yeah leave him at home. That's what I do. We have great hols without him. If I feel like I'm missing him, I call him and switch the camera on so he can see what is going on. He'll inevitably start talking about something really dull. And I get off the phone happy that I didn't go with him.

Sold!

Why are you leaving your son out?

Loads of museums in Milan with lots of pointy things too!! The Duomo is amazing even though I had a huge panic attack on the way up…it’s a stone spiral staircase with no handrail and no where to stop and breathe. In hindsight I should have got the lift but I was trying to be brave and fun Mum!!

We stayed in the Crowne Plaza Milan City, one of the only ones we found in Milan with a pool.

About to go on 6th holiday without DH, OP.

It's been wonderful and soooooooo freeing!!

Kids are now 16 and 13, I started a while back.

DH very difficult for a variety of reasons though we love him dearly. He's also very busy with work. We still all go on holiday together but it's so stressful I demand another almost immediately, without him and fortunately he's not averse to it.

We are very lucky to be in the position to do that, that a) we have the finances and b) he's not emotional about it.

I'd suggest a nice resort hotel somewhere warm, close to a town so you can spread your wings and enjoy other things than just the hotel but you have a lovely pool to come back to! We loved southern coast of Spain and go there regularly, outside of summer time when it's a bit hot and it's less expensive then too and the sun is wonderful.

I always take both kids. It's been amazing <3 We have such a good time.

Permission granted OP! Soar by yourselves!

He's 17 and wants to go away with his girlfriend. I would happily have them come with us but just not sure I will be able to afford to pay for the girlfriend and he wouldn't come without her. It would also mean accommodation would be more complicated as they would want to share so would need two bedrooms (not majorly comfortable with 13 yr old knowing they share) etc etc I'll probably give him the money to go away with her if he needs it. He does work so has options.

He can leave her for a week! But OK - it's yours and his choice! You never forget it though - these later year family holidays, they really are nice.

Thank you, sounds like a similar situation to us. DH is hard work and difficult - he's just not easy going. There are without a doubt some 'tisms' there. Family dynamics can be stressful when we are all together . He also works a lot and gets stressed about having to stop - this gets directed on me. Although he's always glad to have gone away and feels refreshed after - I never do 😂

Thank you for the permission, I honestly feel so sad we can't just look for a holiday and get excited together. Feel bad for my daughter that's she doesn't have her brother and dad but only other option is for us not to go and she just loves an abroad holiday!

You are definitely not alone in this, I do it and know others that do too so is wouldn't worry about that at all. I get some surprised comments at times as the assumption is that I'm a single parent when actually it's just that I'm solo parenting on a week in the sun with DC and left DH at home.

Oh just go!! You won't look back. It's so lovely. The peace, the calmness, the freedom!! We have some 'tisms also! DH also a workaholic and gets stressed. Not happy once he's back due to the pile up of work but realises he has to decompress or he'll burn out.

But nothing is ever right and there's a lot of complaining. He wants a gym with plenty of equipment, a place to cycle, perfect food, the right bed, a swimming pool, but not too much sun, perfect wifi, hot but not too hot, not too far etc, good choice of restaurants but also likes to cook but wants a hotel with facilities but lots of space for the family....

It's so daunting booking a holiday every year. He has no time to do it so I have to do it instead but then it's all on me if it's not quite top notch and of course it's got to be done for not too much money!! Urgh. Impossible!!

He'll then compare it to previous hoilday and go through why those were better but he wasn't 100% happy on any of those either! I can never win!!

Me too! I don't wear a wedding ring these days and I think they think I'm a rich divorcee! LOL!

Feel your pain. It's very hard to find holidays that suit all members of the family. My DH was a moaner/kill joy too. He may well enjoy a week at home on his own anyway, plus if you go with DD, could you have a long weekend city break with him another time?
I've travelled in trains in Italy many times - cheap, clean and reliable. You can easily do a loop around the north and see the main cities - Pisa, Florence, Siena, Genoa, Milan, Verona and Venice. If you want beach/sea try Camogli (accessible from Genoa or Milan airports then train) and from there you can get train down to the Cinque Terre villages on day trips.

I do feel better after some of these replies. After our disastrous holiday last year (only 4 days too). I felt like my marriage had no future as I love a holiday - in fact majorly compromise just having some a year - if ai had my way I would be away lots more. So it's reassuring to know I'm not alone or being an evil wife still holidaying x

How do you book all this and where do you stay? I'm feeling overwhelmed just reading all those stops, though I'd love to try and do it. I would need two bedrooms as well as I can't do a triple, I'm too old to share with the kids! But it sounds fantastic. Did you just turn up, or book beforehand?

This is what's hard keeping everyone happy when Son never actually wants to be where ever we are , husband treats it like something to be done and got over with while me and daughter love whatever and wherever we are . Even she was dragged down by them last year and I don't want to kill her love of travelling x

Is he grumpy regardless of holiday type? I think he is going by your description of a UK holiday. Tell him you want different holidays to him, that he’s inevitably grumpy and it ruins holidays and limits what you can do. Go enjoy yourself, your dd might not have many more years left of wanting to go with you, make the most of it now!

@Cherrysoup pretty much, he doesn't want to go abroad - prefers to stay in UK. I think as he's got older he is just so much less tolerant of anything he doesn't want to do where as when the kids were little he got On with it. He has always made it hard work to book , but I powered on through for the #memories but maybe I don't have the energy anymore to keep him happy at the expense of me. I honestly can't think of what he would like holiday wise. We spent a small fortune on camping equipment - all selected by both of us but now he can't stand all the 'stuff' we take. So we don't go. It's insinuated the stuff is a me thing ( my fault)but it's literally airbeds, cooking stuff etc just normal things. Bought a paddleboard - never gets used. He wants remote walking holidays but gets bored after the walk and kids aren't particularly excited by this but do trudge on, honestly it's relentless.