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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Married to a spirit (alcohol?)

46 replies

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 18:57

Alright, bear with me on this. I mentioned before that I had a friend who strongly believed she had a spirit guide. Well, things escalated, and now she claims she’s “married to a spirit.” Essentially, she believes she’s married to a spirit connected to a place where she used to work.

She says she has a fulfilling sexual relationship with this spirit and even describes their marriage as being like any other marriage. It honestly scared me a bit.

But something happened recently that made me stop talking to her. I went over, as I usually do, with a bottle of wine. She drinks quite a bit—usually two bottles before passing out—but at least her four-year-old is usually in bed. This last time, though, her child was still up when I arrived. I was playing a game with him, and she fell asleep mid-conversation, clearly very drunk. She has a wood-burning fire in her house.

I told her son to go to bed and tried to tuck him in, but he wouldn’t leave her side, and we couldn’t wake her. I ended up tucking him in next to her and walking home (it’s just around the corner). But then it hit me—I’d forgotten about the fire. I panicked and called 101 for advice. They insisted I give the address, but I didn’t want to do that. Instead, I went back, rang the doorbell until she woke up, and told her what I’d done.

The next morning, she said I was being ridiculous for worrying just because she’d fallen asleep. I tried to explain that she’d been incoherent and that it was irresponsible, but I didn’t press the issue and just left. Later, she texted me repeatedly, asking what I was trying to achieve by calling 101 and what outcome I was expecting. I didn’t want to argue, so I blocked her on Facebook and elsewhere.

Now I feel guilty. I can’t bring myself to walk past her house. I feel bad for her because I know she might be struggling with losing a friend.

Am I wrong? I feel awful.

OP posts:
Scutterbug · 24/01/2025 18:59

Please tell me you’ve reported this to social services?

Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 19:02

Why did you keep bringing alcohol to a woman that clearly has an issue with it and has young child dependent upon her?

Fetburzswefg · 24/01/2025 19:05

You need to report this. All the shit about being married to a spirit is one thing, but drinking until she passes out in front of a four year old is neglect and that child needs to be kept safe.

You can report to the police using 101 or you can phone the NSPCC helpline for further information on who to report it to.

I know you’re concerned about the impact on your friend, and it’s not easy, but you know about a child in serious danger and you have an absolute moral duty to protect the child. Your friend needs help too, and intervention by social services might get her that help.

Justcallmebebes · 24/01/2025 19:06

No, of course you weren't wrong. Your friend was in sole charge of a 4 year old and she was drunk to the point of unconsciousness with an open fire, if I understand correctly. I would report her to social services and to the child's school. She's your friend but the child's welfare is far more important and I wouldn't hesitate in reporting her

Franklyfrost · 24/01/2025 19:30

Psychosis.

Endofyear · 24/01/2025 19:43

If you don't report her to social services, you're negligent and complicit. If something happens to that child, how are you going to feel? Stop worrying about her feelings and start worrying about her little one.

IAmADescendantOfSweepTheSqueakyLegend · 24/01/2025 19:45

Hahahahaha.

(You're cursed, foreverrrrr)

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:11

Scutterbug · 24/01/2025 18:59

Please tell me you’ve reported this to social services?

Did I say I had?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 24/01/2025 20:14

Yeah you need to report this. And forget all the “married to a spirit” nonsense. Your friend is a problem drinker and her child is being neglected.

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:16

Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 19:02

Why did you keep bringing alcohol to a woman that clearly has an issue with it and has young child dependent upon her?

Thank you for your reply. However:
I wasn’t constantly bringing her wine. When I visited, it was just as friends do—my wine was mine, and hers was hers. By that point, it had only happened three or four times, and she kept saying she was planning to give up drinking. Obviously, that night things went too far.

We’ve all had difficult periods in life where we’ve overdone it with drinking. Back then, I had a husband to lean on, so I was alright. I’m just trying to gauge opinions here, not invite judgement.

OP posts:
Laiste · 24/01/2025 20:17

Christ there's headline news today about 4 little boys dying in a house fire because of a neglectful/absent mother OP !

Report it to people who can help. You can do it anonymously.

Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 20:55

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:16

Thank you for your reply. However:
I wasn’t constantly bringing her wine. When I visited, it was just as friends do—my wine was mine, and hers was hers. By that point, it had only happened three or four times, and she kept saying she was planning to give up drinking. Obviously, that night things went too far.

We’ve all had difficult periods in life where we’ve overdone it with drinking. Back then, I had a husband to lean on, so I was alright. I’m just trying to gauge opinions here, not invite judgement.

It’s a bit awful on your part though to encourage her by drinking with her when youve stated that she drinks so much she passes out when she has her young child in the home. Were you never concered about her ability to look after her child after your drinking sessions?

I went over, as I usually do, with a bottle of wine. She drinks quite a bitusually two bottles before passing outbut at least her four-year-old is usually in bed. This last time, though, her child was still up when I arrived.

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:58

Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 20:55

It’s a bit awful on your part though to encourage her by drinking with her when youve stated that she drinks so much she passes out when she has her young child in the home. Were you never concered about her ability to look after her child after your drinking sessions?

I went over, as I usually do, with a bottle of wine. She drinks quite a bitusually two bottles before passing outbut at least her four-year-old is usually in bed. This last time, though, her child was still up when I arrived.

’Drinking sessions’
you’re jumping to conclusions

OP posts:
Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 21:00

What else do you call regular meets where two friends drink enough that at least one of them passes out?

SnoopysHoose · 24/01/2025 21:00

How long ago was this? what age so her child now?
You didn't think it was a concern that she drank untill she passed out with a four year old relying on her?
But make the spirit shite your concern? Fuck me!

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 21:03

Meecrowahvey · 24/01/2025 21:00

What else do you call regular meets where two friends drink enough that at least one of them passes out?

Edited

Not like that. It had happened a couple of times beforehand and I put it down to her stress levels. Not passing out but falling asleep. This is what she says.
I certainly don’t get in that state!

OP posts:
Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 21:05

Quite clearly I’ve been to blame here. Or so it seems. This is why I’ve walked away and feel quite bad now.
I honestly thought this group was friendly!

OP posts:
Curtainqueen · 24/01/2025 21:10

Come on. She drinks til she passes out with a 4 year old in the house? Seriously?? Jesus fucking Christ!

Scutterbug · 24/01/2025 21:22

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:11

Did I say I had?

You didn’t say either way but I would hope you would have this little boy at the heart of all this and his safety would be a priority.

Ifeelabnormal · 24/01/2025 21:28

The boy is the most important part of all this. Posters are upset because you don't seem to realise that.

SnoopysHoose · 24/01/2025 21:39

@Proud2Serve
You are missing the point!
You made a post about your friend and her spirit whilst casually mentioning she passed out drunk alone with a four year old child, do you not see that this so the problem not her imaginary man!!!

CustardySergeant · 24/01/2025 21:45

You must think of the child's safety and report this situation. There's no excuse to do otherwise.

Keepgettingolder81 · 24/01/2025 21:49

Stop pondering and call social services. The fact you have not is insane.

Alalalala · 24/01/2025 21:50

@Proud2Serve You need to inform social services, please - her child is not safe, and she needs help, badly.

SheSaidHummingbird · 24/01/2025 21:51

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:11

Did I say I had?

We wish that you had!!!!

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