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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Married to a spirit (alcohol?)

46 replies

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 18:57

Alright, bear with me on this. I mentioned before that I had a friend who strongly believed she had a spirit guide. Well, things escalated, and now she claims she’s “married to a spirit.” Essentially, she believes she’s married to a spirit connected to a place where she used to work.

She says she has a fulfilling sexual relationship with this spirit and even describes their marriage as being like any other marriage. It honestly scared me a bit.

But something happened recently that made me stop talking to her. I went over, as I usually do, with a bottle of wine. She drinks quite a bit—usually two bottles before passing out—but at least her four-year-old is usually in bed. This last time, though, her child was still up when I arrived. I was playing a game with him, and she fell asleep mid-conversation, clearly very drunk. She has a wood-burning fire in her house.

I told her son to go to bed and tried to tuck him in, but he wouldn’t leave her side, and we couldn’t wake her. I ended up tucking him in next to her and walking home (it’s just around the corner). But then it hit me—I’d forgotten about the fire. I panicked and called 101 for advice. They insisted I give the address, but I didn’t want to do that. Instead, I went back, rang the doorbell until she woke up, and told her what I’d done.

The next morning, she said I was being ridiculous for worrying just because she’d fallen asleep. I tried to explain that she’d been incoherent and that it was irresponsible, but I didn’t press the issue and just left. Later, she texted me repeatedly, asking what I was trying to achieve by calling 101 and what outcome I was expecting. I didn’t want to argue, so I blocked her on Facebook and elsewhere.

Now I feel guilty. I can’t bring myself to walk past her house. I feel bad for her because I know she might be struggling with losing a friend.

Am I wrong? I feel awful.

OP posts:
VoodooRajin · 24/01/2025 22:10

Wouldn't the wood burning stove burn itself out?

BodyKeepingScore · 24/01/2025 22:39

@Proud2Serve so you left a four year old child alone in a house with a sole adult caregiver who was so inebriated that they couldn't be roused? Like you actually left the child there? I cannot ever imagine being so irresponsible.

CatsForGovernment · 24/01/2025 22:48

You are overwhelmingly unreasonable not to report her. You should have given her address when asked so they could see her in that state.

Your defensiveness shows that you know you haven't done your best here.

She clearly has serious mental health issues going on, not just the alcohol. People who are well don't get married to spirits.

MrsJHernandez · 25/01/2025 03:51

The spirit "husband" is totally and completely irrelevant here.

If she regularly drinks to the point of passing out, and cannot be woken, it's a huge issue. What if her kid needed her? Or hurt himself? Or can't wake her and decides to leave the house? What if she dies from alcohol poisoning and he finds her? Gees.

Not being able to wake my mum when I was a kid would've been terrifying. I'd have thought she was dead.

Something needs to be done for her kids' sake. Does she have any parents/family close by you can speak to? Leave the responsibility with them to get her help.

Where is the kids' father in all of this?

People are only judging because you didn't do anything to safeguard the child. You refused to give 101 the address. That would have been the right thing to do instead of protecting your friend. At least they could have evaluated the situation and got the ball rolling with Social Services.

She clearly has a problem and cannot provide her child with what he needs or a safe environment at the moment. You need to tell someone who can help her poor son. He deserves a better parent than this. She's going to traumatise and ruin his life.

Astrak · 25/01/2025 04:35

Retired Local Authority children and families social worker here. In my opinion, you need to report this to the relevant area children's safeguarding team. As a matter of urgency, phone your local council, give the mother's address and request the contact number. By not informing them, you will be complicit If anything happens to the child.

pizzaHeart · 25/01/2025 04:41

Astrak · 25/01/2025 04:35

Retired Local Authority children and families social worker here. In my opinion, you need to report this to the relevant area children's safeguarding team. As a matter of urgency, phone your local council, give the mother's address and request the contact number. By not informing them, you will be complicit If anything happens to the child.

This^
you wanted opinions, I absolutely agree with the post above.

BMW6 · 25/01/2025 05:43

The only spirit your friend is in a relationship with is in a bottle.

She is neglecting her child by getting pissed regularly (daily?) Until she passes out (your words) whilst he is in her sole care.

You are complicit in this neglect because you are not doing anything to safeguard this child.

Your post is about her imaginary spouse and spectacularly misses the real issue - her child's welfare.

TheAirfryerQueen · 25/01/2025 05:44

All I can focus on is the safeguarding of the little boy. He needs protection. Please speak to SS or the NSPCC, today. You haven't made clear what you have done to help hom. His mum is psychotic and an alcoholic, and also needs you to help her. Do it today, please.

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 25/01/2025 06:16

Hang on? You left a 4 year old to sleep next to his very pissed mother who had 'passed out' mid conversation? You actually left this child?

His mum potentially has psychosis and a problem with alcohol, and you have done nothing to help that little child or her?

AgentJohnson · 25/01/2025 06:24

Hang on? You left a 4 year old to sleep next to his very pissed mother who had 'passed out' mid conversation? You actually left this child?

This!!!!!!

You don’t appear to understand the gravity of the situation for that child. I’m sorry that your friend is struggling but there is a child involved and their wellbeing should be your priority.

DangerPigeon · 25/01/2025 06:29

I'd be kinda worried about that wood burning stove being unattended, how confident are you that she closes it up or puts the fire out at the end of the evening if she's told you she regularly drinks till she passes out. I would also call nspcc and/or social services.

TheDeadAndDying · 25/01/2025 07:24

Whilst I agree that OP should report this to SS I think some people need to calm down.
Berating OP and saying it will be her fault if anything happens to the child is just plain wrong.
If anything did happen to the child the fault would be solely that of his negligent mother.
To be honest I don't think much would happen if it was reported to SS, unfortunately they are dealing with much, much worse things than this sadly.

Agix · 25/01/2025 07:41

Report to SS.

Remember to not bring alcohol around alcoholics or people who can't cope with having a drink.

Pippa12 · 25/01/2025 07:50

Just out of interest, what were you trying to achieve by ringing 101 if you weren’t prepared to pass on the details?

I wouldn’t have left the child alone in the house in the first place, my conscience couldn’t have.

No help can be offered to this child if you don’t reach out to the relevant services. Even if she’s passing out when he’s in bed, this is not a safe environment for a child.

Globusmedia · 25/01/2025 07:56

OP, you say many people have had their struggles with drinking too much - it's true, but now your friend has got to the point where it's crossed a line. She needs your help, her little one needs your help. If you report this they can both get the help they need.

SiandAm · 25/01/2025 07:56

Proud2Serve · 24/01/2025 20:58

’Drinking sessions’
you’re jumping to conclusions

That's what it was. Two bottles is way over the average.

BiscuitDreams · 25/01/2025 08:07

Oh god. That poor kid. 😪

thegrumpusch · 25/01/2025 08:22

So she's going through psychosis and becoming black out drunk while in charge of a 4 year old?

Jesus Christ, report before something truly awful happens!

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 25/01/2025 08:22

TheDeadAndDying · 25/01/2025 07:24

Whilst I agree that OP should report this to SS I think some people need to calm down.
Berating OP and saying it will be her fault if anything happens to the child is just plain wrong.
If anything did happen to the child the fault would be solely that of his negligent mother.
To be honest I don't think much would happen if it was reported to SS, unfortunately they are dealing with much, much worse things than this sadly.

Leaving a four year old with his very drunk mother is not ok.

Adults have a responsibility to help protect children and the vulnerable. You do not leave a 4 year old with his drunk mother, and you also don't brush off symptoms of potential severe mental illness.

I think SS would be very interested in a mother with potential mental illness who is abusing alcohol to the extent she is falling asleep drunk whilst caring for her child alone. That's something no one is going to just sweep under the carpet.

She sounds very unwell and she needs to be assessed urgently for her mental health and by Children's Services.

You can not turn a blind eye to this stuff. Mind you, I also wouldn't be drinking with someone who frequently drinks until she falls asleep whilst in sole charge of her child. No fucking way would I be encouraging or be a part of that.

TheStorksAccomplice · 25/01/2025 13:21

I have lost two family members to alcoholism. Both death certificates gave catastrophic intraabdominal haemorrhage secondary to alcoholic cirrhosis as the cause of death but what really killed both of them was the conspiracy of silence that surrounds alcoholism. OP, your friend needs a big wake up call and the child needs protection. Put on your big girl pants, see the bigger picture here and do what all previous posters have advised. Be a real friend and don't make excuses for her any longer.

Laiste · 25/01/2025 18:10

I really really hope OP has had the courage to phone SS. Or 101.

They won't judge you OP. And you do not need to give your name. They won't tell her how they came by the info. that the child needs help.

This site is friendly - but you don't need a friend. You need to help the kid.

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