People overestimate how much children cost on here?

[Bankin]

Yesterday found an old bank statement from 2019 and worked out after paying my rent I only had 400-500 a month to spend on everything else with one child.
No idea how I managed that but I did and now it has me wondering about all the threads where people say they can't afford kids because they'd only have a couple thousand left after the mortgage/rent? Am I unreasonable to think these people are being a bit dramatic?

It's not dramatic really, it's the childcare in the early days that's crippling.

It's far easier when they hit an age where they don't need childcare, but they don't come out able to look after themselves unfortunately.

YABU I think. Of course there are cheaper ways to do things but realistically £400 would barely cover gas/electric/council tax for my house. Let alone childcare (which round here is £2k after funded hours), food, insurance, travel expenses etc. That's before you even look at 'fun stuff' like holidays, birthdays, eating out.

I must’ve been imagining that £1900 bill each month from nursery when mine were little then

I even saw a thread where someone said they'd have a couple k after mortgage/rent AND childcare though. And claiming they still couldn't afford kids.

Isn't it childcare & the cost of wraparound care when they are in school, holiday clubs. Plus additional food costs.

Remember on lower incomes, you get help with childcare.

People do list a load of nonsense on the list of expenses like expensive hobbies, driving lessons, fancy smartphones, etc but for the younger children, its simply childcare costs.

But not every child needs childcare, sahp, grandparents opposite shifts etc
I remember reading something about a child costs over £200k to raise up to their 18th birthday.

Well if that was the case then I'd have been up shit street raising 3 of them as was more than total earnings

DS was adopted at 3 so I never had the eye watering nursery costs.

I think the expenses are high in the beginning - either you pay big nursery fees or you lose income to allow one parent to go part time/SAH to save on nursery fees.

Then it gets loads better - untill they get to teenage/college/uni then they can become a money pit again for a while.

In 2019 £400 went a long way. Now most of it is eaten up on groceries and electric

I'm genuinely not bullshitting though admittedly I lived in a smaller apartment back then so bills were cheaper. Seeing my skintness from back then shocked even me though but now I just can't get my head round people claiming to be skint with a couple k left over every month after rent

I agree with you OP - I think until you have kids (especially surprise kids - looking at my surprise son next to me right now) you don't realise you just find a way to make do. Somehow it works, even if you're on the breadline you get help like extra benefits/food banks etc. The majority of posters on here overthink it "I earn 156k and my husband earns 200k and we live in London we can't possibly afford children and I'm 35 now so feel like I've missed the boat" yada yada yada people do overthink it hugely - nursery is just a couple of years of pain (even less than that now with the extra funded hours) and then they're relatively cheap apart from a bit of holiday clubs/food/clothes/few toys and games until they're teenagers then they get expensive again for a bit. I think people over think to the point they miss having children - waiting for exactly the right time and finances when sometimes I do think it's better to be thrown in the deep end almost - especially if you're relatively comfortable anyway.

This was the situation from 2019 up to 2022 though

Hmmm things have changed a lot in 5 years. I can see your point. I had my now 7 year old in 2018 and as a single parent it was financially challenging but I managed.

Skip forwards to now and I have a 9 month old... Costs are totally different. I'm on maternity leave and in the past 3 months we've spent £10k! (We are also mortgage free and no we do not live extravagantly... Think old non finance cars, 1 holiday since baby etc etc).

Our nursery bills are £1300 a month...per child...not sure i'd call that small change! Appreciate that's not forever but it is for a good few years and assuming 4 years of childcare per child, with most people having 2, you're talking a £120,000 outlay to get to the point of starting school...not exactly the amount most have in their savings account either!

Obviously it will get better for some as the increased government funded hours offer continues to come, but if you need full time you're still facing a hefty bill each month even with help. I don't think people are being overly dramatic saying it's a serious financial decision to take. Arguably that's quite a responsible attitude!

Well those people probably wouldn't be worrying about having a couple of grand left.

Most the threads I see on here about finances and kids are childcare related.

How are you affording childcare on £500 per month? Was it just that much cheaper back then?

Depends massively on circumstances surely. I spend roughly that on 2 kids excluding childcare but other people will have way more childcare needs or more expensive hobbies or go on more expensive days out and holidays or need to buy clothes (get mine secondhand from family) or have DC that eat more etc

I presume you weren't paying for childcare then. If someone is paying £1.5k a month on nursery, then suddenly their 2k left over is worth about the same as your £400. And that's with just one child.

I did not need childcare. I get that it's a big expense but taking it out of the equation because I've seen threads where they claim they'd "only" have 1500 (for example sometimes even more) after rent/mortgage and the childcare and they still say it's unaffordable

we spend at least £400 a month just on food (no takeaways), and we're teetotal vegetarians. You were doing well!

It's definitely childcare costs that cost when both parents are working. I was able to work part time, plus had GP help, so we only ever used the free hours with no top up payment needed. Apart from childcare you can do a lot of things on the cheap or you can spend, spend, spend. I bought a lot of toys, clothes etc 2nd hand, it's only now mine are almost teens that they're becoming much more expensive, although still not prohibitively so.

If you want dc you'll always find a way to afford them but there will be compromises

In that case, they mean they can't afford their lifestyle an ate unwilling to compromise on it.

A year on maternity leave and child starts school after 4th birthday is about 3 years. And raising a child is not just the early years of childcare

In London here, our local nursery is over £2k a month. It was still over £1.5k when the 15 free hours at 3 kicked in. With 2 children that’s £3.5k a month. When you add in extras like clothes, weekend classes etc you’re probably looking at easily £4k a month to have 2 children, even if they’re only both in nursery together for a short while. But then there’s after school clubs, hobbies etc. It’s not cheap.

@Bankin so if I break it down after my rent/childcare when DS was in nursery (2 years ago)

£300 food
£200 Gas/Electric/Water
£200 Council Tax
£300 Commuting Costs (into London 4x a week from a commuter town in the Home Counties)
£150 Car Insurance
£50 Phone/WiFi

= £1,200 BEFORE home insurance/savings/holiday/new car fund/petrol/eating out/buying clothes/any fun money/activities/gifts/birthdays. If there were 2 adults (so 2x commuting costs, slightly higher council tax, phone) it would have been over the £1,500 you're suggesting. Yes it's doable - could've cut all of those things out, used a Foodbank, and prayed my car wouldn't need replacing. But I don't think many people would want to cut back to the point they can't spend any money! So it may technically be 'doable' I think people have a good point that they don't want to sacrifice a basic standard of living in order to have kids!