Am I being massively over sensitive?

[Touchysubjects]

For context, I have massive issues with being vulnerable and talking about my feelings, so perhaps am making this a bigger deal than it is.

I’ve been dating someone for 3 months. We like each other and it’s moving along nicely. I definitely have some feelings for him but just a normal amount for a very new relationship.

Last night we were talking via text about songs we liked that made us happy.

I sent him one of my favourites, which is a lesser known song, about falling for someone when you first meet them. It’s not actually a hugely romantic song. Pretty lighthearted. In fact, I purposely steered away from some of my real favourites, as they felt too lovey-dovey.

He listened to the song and then replied “so are you falling for me then?”

followed a few mins later by “nah, just kidding”

I replied “are you really kidding? It sounded like a real question?”

to which he replied “actually I don’t want to know. Keep the answer to yourself”.

I feel really really hurt by this. I haven’t even replied to him since then. We’d usually text to say goodnight but I didn’t.

It was very out of character for him to shut down talk of feelings so I was quite surprised.

I imagine he’s long asleep now but I suspect he’ll want to know if everything’s ok tomorrow.

I can’t work out if IABU to be hurt by his comment.

You pushed it. He made a light-hearted comment and then withdrew it. Let it go.

He isn't ready to declare feelings for you, so he doesn't want you to be left hanging and feeling awkward. He responded with something off the cuff and realised his mistake. It doesn't mean he isn't into you. It just means he wants to take a little more time. He shouldn't leave you not knowing for much longer though, three months is a decent amount of time but it depends how often you see one another.

I think the opposite of pp. I think he was testing the water. Maybe he is similar to you and feels excruciatingly vulnerable when talking about real feelings. He opened a crack and then dived back into his shell. He might be dying for you to take the bait and say… what if I was falling for you?

maybe I’m a hopeless romantic!

more seriously, there’s a dynamic here which might set the scene for the rest of your time together whether that’s a long time or a short time. If neither of you can open up about feelings, will you feel nourished in this relationship? Will it always be a guessing game?.
depends if you enjoy mind reading and dragging information out of him when it comes to big conversations about the future!
or is that a safe place that works really well for both of you? Maybe you are both happily on the same page

have either of you re established contact yet?

I don't think you're unreasonable to wonder. New relationships are always a bit nerve-wracking.

I reckon he was trying to flirt but got all shy and awkward after asking and then worried that he put you on the spot and made you feel awkward.

Don't worry about it! Men don't ask that question if they're not interested in the answer. I think he likes you 😉

This is how I took it for sure. In fairness, if it had been a real question I’m actually not sure how I’d have responded any way. He shouldn’t have asked in the first place though, perhaps, if he wasn’t willing to talk about it!

I hope it’s this!

I thought I might’ve heard from him when he get up for work but I didn’t.

I’m thinking I may be honest (but not unkind) about it and say that I was hurt by the notion that, if I do have feelings for him, I shouldn’t tell him.

I know another pp said to let it go, but I feel at the very least I should explain why I went very quiet.

He asked how you felt about him and in your anxiety of not showing your feelings you left him hanging. This made him withdraw. Next time be braver!

I also thought he was testing the water and then when you didn't respond immediately he chickened out. My interpretation would be that he wanted you to say yes and is now fearful you would say no. But I could definitely be wrong.

He barely gave me any time to respond before he said “just kidding”. I think I said it was a couple of mins in my OP but I just checked and it was only one minute!

I replied “are you really kidding? It sounded like a real question?”

I don't know why you sent this. It would have been much kinder to say something real like I'm enjoying getting to know you when he asked. You left him hanging though and sounds like he couldn't hold his nerve so then made a joke but your reply made him feel defensive.

In my experience this could be hard work if you are both afraid of being open.

I think he just instantly regretted saying it as it might have felt a bit much and panicked

No-one knows the answer, but you're not going to get anywhere unless you open up and are open to getting hurt or rejected sometimes.

Are you sure you're ready to date at all?

I think you are being oversensitive and it's just a failure of flirty banter.

You could have replied "ha ha not going to go there!" Or "might be, play your cards right!". Instead you made it intense with "was that a real question?"

I think he shut it down awkwardly but there things can be awkward. Forget it.

I don't know him but I don't think most men would have asked the question if they didn't want to know the answer. Sounds like he wanted to know if you were falling in love with him. Then panicked.
Just message him, I think you're being a bit silly.

Sounds like he feels vulnerable too? Like you sent a song about falling for someone, so he asked your feelings but then he panicked? It's awkward in the early stages of a relationship not wanting to come across too intense I think!

How old are you both?

This is overthinking to the max. You’re both just having a shaky conversation which probably is never a good idea to have over text.

Uurggh texting it so open to misunderstandings. I think though that you handled it badly and then he handled it even worse! It sounds like it's all got a bit petty now though with no one texting the other, just message him a good morning.

I do realise that was my mistake. I was just teasing and playing him at his own game but perhaps it didn’t land right.

I’m embarrassed to answer your question. Bloody old enough not to be having such a silly conversation, that’s for sure.

He was testing the water, but probably thought you were first in fairness by sending that song.

I don't think it did no. Also sending him that song even if lighthearted would suggest you were trying to say something. Like "love is an open door" from Frozen is very lighthearted, but I'd still infer you were suggesting something by sending it.

Sounds like you took it the wrong way

Think if you told him you were, he probably would have said he felt the same, but you didn't and he retracted

YABU

You sent him a gushy song and he was testing the waters by asking how you feel about him.

You then ignored his message and expect him to message you, even though you didn’t reply to his last message.

Are you very young?
I’d see this as a bit of a red flag if I was him.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t respond to him.
Even if it’s too early to talk about feelings, I still would have joked about him playing his cards right or something.

Imagine you asking how someone felt about you and then they go quiet.

So he replied “are you falling for me then?” And you didn’t reply? And then he sent “nah” etc?

He probably felt vulnerable you didn’t respond to the ‘falling for me’ text.