Am I being massively over sensitive?

[Touchysubjects]

For context, I have massive issues with being vulnerable and talking about my feelings, so perhaps am making this a bigger deal than it is.

I’ve been dating someone for 3 months. We like each other and it’s moving along nicely. I definitely have some feelings for him but just a normal amount for a very new relationship.

Last night we were talking via text about songs we liked that made us happy.

I sent him one of my favourites, which is a lesser known song, about falling for someone when you first meet them. It’s not actually a hugely romantic song. Pretty lighthearted. In fact, I purposely steered away from some of my real favourites, as they felt too lovey-dovey.

He listened to the song and then replied “so are you falling for me then?”

followed a few mins later by “nah, just kidding”

I replied “are you really kidding? It sounded like a real question?”

to which he replied “actually I don’t want to know. Keep the answer to yourself”.

I feel really really hurt by this. I haven’t even replied to him since then. We’d usually text to say goodnight but I didn’t.

It was very out of character for him to shut down talk of feelings so I was quite surprised.

I imagine he’s long asleep now but I suspect he’ll want to know if everything’s ok tomorrow.

I can’t work out if IABU to be hurt by his comment.

He didn’t give me time to reply. He sent “just kidding” within a minute after.

That’s why I went back to ask if it was a real question (teasingly).

Which was when he sent his odd response about me keeping the answer to myself.

Please talk face to face, OP. And report back 😉
(I too believe you both may be on the same page, but texting is often awkward).

I’ve dropped him a line and told him I felt the conversation went a bit wonky but to call me when he had a quiet moment and we could chat.

Hoping all is not lost!

I think that's great, yes! Hoping it goes well 🙏😊

I have to say it would make me massively back off because it’s probably an insight into how he is emotionally and someone who says ‘I don’t want to know’ is a warning sign for the future imo.

I think he took it the wrong way, then felt awkward for mentioning it. I think he's not ready to gave these conversations after three months. I personally think that's fine and you shouldn't take it to heart.

This is exactly how I felt but if that’s the case, I’d still rather clear the air now, than end a nice relationship without discussing it first.

He panicked and thought he said too much too soon.

Instead of not responding I would have carried on the conversation and just made it jokey.

I probably would have been honest about my feelings but in a relaxed/light hearted way, depending on how you are with each other.

The worst thing you can do is not respond to someone, as that’s when things get miscommunicated.

A guy that I was speaking to and getting on great with for months stopped talking to me and I recently spoke to a mutual friend who said that they thought that I’d basically told them I wasn’t interested.
That was the complete opposite of what I was trying to say but now that I’ve heard that, I can understand how he thought it.

But him not replying meant that we had this huge misunderstanding and don’t talk anymore. If he had replied we could have sorted it out then and there.

I hope you guys can have a chat and clear up any misunderstanding.

He said ‘keep it to yourself ’ to save your embarrassment if the answer wasn’t going to be good for him. There was a gap of a few minutes before you replied and he had really put himself on the line with that text.

He was worried about your response and I think you have completely taken it up wrong and he likes you. I don’t know how you could in any shape be offended by what he said.

it just shows how differently texts can be interpreted!!

You also sound to be really serious. Are you enjoying this early part of it or do you find it stressful.

I’m definitely enjoying it! I just had no idea what to make of being told not to tell him my feelings. I read it as “if you’re going to say something emotional, I don’t want to hear it”.

Granted that would be out of character for him.

It was all very odd. As PPs have said, perhaps just lost in translation via text.

1 minute is a long time when you've put your feelings out and ur seeing where you stand.

The fact you simply stopped responding just escalated it

Mystery solved and all is well.

I explained what I’d felt upset by.

He laughed said “but you talk about how you keep your feelings to yourself. So I was jokingly reassuring you that if you felt uncomfortable, I didn’t need the answer, and you could keep it to yourself!”

And then assured me I could tell him any feelings I wanted, any time.

Another day, another couple’s text message exchange on MN. Yawwwwwwwn.

Why don’t you just pick up the phone?

First because he was asleep. Then because he was at work by the time I woke up.

You know you’re free not to read any thread, right?

Perfect username @Touchysubjects

Well ... I actually think people get more vulnerable and less open with their feelings as they age. Young people can be more prone to declarations and big feelings, so I don't think you're too old to be having 'silly' conversations.

Why would have have a music exchange conversation over the phone? Do you live in 2025?

I’m glad it’s all sorted OP.

I think you're massively overthinking this - he made a lighthearted comment and then presumably was worried about how it came across and tried to backtrack. It's not a big deal so don't make it one. For what it's worth, I think it's never a good idea to have conversations about your feelings via messaging - it's too easy to misread or misunderstand without the context of body language and facial expressions. Written text can come across as blunt and clumsy.