To think it’s okay to stay friends with an ex, even if your current partner is uncomfortable with it?

[MyCraftyHazelSeal]

I have an ex who has been a good friend for years and our relationship ended amicably. My current partner, however, feels uneasy about it and has asked me to cut ties. I believe that trust is key and I don’t think I should lose a meaningful friendship because of someone else’s insecurity. AIBU to think it’s okay to stay friends with an ex or is this crossing a boundary?

Are there children involved?

Nah sounds like new partner's insecurities. They are the one being unreasonable.

It’s crossing a boundary for your partner. So decide who’s more important.

It depends what you would expect if the roles were reversed. Would you be happy with your partner spending time with someone that made YOU feel uncomfortable?

I think it's best to respect the wishes of your partner

I think it's fine. In many cases (kids involved etc) it's better to be amicable.

However even when not, it's okay to have a relationship and know it's ran its course or that it wasn't serving you and still like and care about the person.

People are bizarrely all or nothing about it, but in reality many people have a few relationships that didn't work out through due to either individuals own fault so why not be friends? Healthier all round.

If my DH had told me I had to cut ties with previous boyfriends, with whom I was still friends, he would never have made it to DH status.

How long have you been with your partner. If it’s new relationship i’f be wary to cut ties with a friend just because current partner disagrees. For all you know, he might have controlling tendencies or other unsavoury character traits you don’t know about yet.

You need to cut ties with one of them.
You're best placed to decide which one.

I wouldn't want to just cut ties with an ex, on the say so of a new partner, but it does depend on how often you communicate and the nature of your friendship.

It can create insecurities of your in regular contact. That's human nature.

If by children you mean between my ex and me, no, there are no children involved. My ex and I stayed friends purely because we value the connection we built during our relationship and it’s completely platonic now. Do you think that makes a difference?

I wouldn't allow a partner to force me to cut ties with female friends, so I wouldn't allow it with male friends either.

What does good friend mean? I am friends with an ex from decades ago, and I wouldn’t be with someone who demanded I cut ties. But I also wouldn’t behave disloyally.

It depends. When you say your current partner wants you to cut ties with your ex, exactly what do those ties consist of

I’ve thought about this. If the roles were reversed, I think I’d try to understand the context - like how close they were and whether there was any lingering romantic tension. If I genuinely trusted my partner and knew the friendship was platonic, I’d hope I could be okay with it. But I understand that everyone has different boundaries when it comes to exes which is why this situation feels so tricky.

If your ex is happy to socialise with you and your new dp together, but your dp isn’t comfortable with that it’s your dp’s problem … but you have to decide who is more important to you and act in their interest. It depends how long you’ve been together etc etc

If your ex wants only to see you alone and isn’t interested in meeting/getting to know your new partner then it’s fairly reasonable of your dp to ask you to drop ties if you’re in an established exclusive relationship

We’ve been together for 8 months and I’ve been trying to figure out whether this is just a boundary for him or if it could hint at something bigger.

Depends on a number of factors - how much time do you spend with your ex? Do you confide things in him that you don’t with DH? Do you meet up for “date-like” events?

texting every few months and meeting up for coffee once a year, sometimes with partners - wouldn’t bother me too much.

texting every day, spending hours on the phone, going for dinners alone - in my opinion you would be disrespecting our relationship. I’d probably just leave though, rather than asking you to ditch the ex. I don’t want or deserve to be someone’s sloppy seconds!

Personally for me this would be a red flag if they were really pushing it.

I wouldn't expect a partner to ask me to cut ties with anyone (unless I'd behaved inappropriately with that person during the relationship or the other person was being disrespectful towards my partner) . But I do think it's fair to talk openly and honestly about it and I would be trying to meet my partner halfway in agreeing boundaries to help them feel more comfortable.

Is there any reason why your current partner is struggling to trust you in this relationship? Has your ex been disrespectful, have they met and how much effort has your ex made to get to know your current partner?

I'd leave your partner as you're incompatible there's no point wasting time on it with all the stress of you wanting to meet your ex and your partner not wanting you to

What always? Or just when he is trying to control who you are friends with?

That's not a partner that's a boyfreind/girlfriend. It's just end it now and move on. Not worth the hassle

I mean we’re in regular contact, maybe once or twice a month, and we’ve maintained a supportive and respectful dynamic since we broke up. There’s nothing disloyal or inappropriate in our interactions - we don’t talk about the past relationship or cross any lines. I value the friendship for what it is now, not what it used to be.

My ex has never been disrespectful towards my partner, and as far as I know, there’s no specific reason for them to feel a lack of trust in our relationship. My ex and my current partner haven’t met though, so maybe that’s part of the issue.

I’d be open to discussing boundaries that make my partner feel more comfortable, but I also want to avoid cutting ties with someone who’s been a good friend to me for years. I’m trying to figure out the right balance between respecting my partner’s feelings and staying true to my values. Do you think introducing them could help or would that risk making things worse?