Partner always being early is driving me mad!

[TheTraitors123]

Partner is very uptight about being late to things… mainly around arriving to work.

He works as a non-clinical staff member at a hospital (along the lines of cleaner, porter, security) and he insists on leaving the house an hour and 45 minutes before his shift actually starts, and we only live 20-25 minutes away from the hospital - meaning he arrives over an hour early.

I know for a fact that is what he is doing as it’s a bit of a running joke in the department and there’s often photos of him in the office (in a joking way) in the group chat, and there are no concerns about cheating or doing anything dodgy etc.

I know he panics quite a bit about rushing around and being late for things but AIBU to think it’s a ridiculous amount of time to show up early to work? He can’t leave any earlier at the end of his shift so it doesn’t benefit him or us for him in that way.

If being late stresses him out why is it a problem that he gets to work early?

Is he cutting short specific things he is doing with you, or leaving the kids with you an hour longer than he needs to in order to do this?

Unless he’s leaving early to avoid kids - then why does it bother you ? It’s a non issue surely unless it’s affecting you in some way ?

Yah thats crazy. I can't stand being late but I get everywhere 10-15minutes early, an hour is very strange.

Errr because that’s an extra hour he could be doing useful stuff at home or seeing more of his family? Because OP doesn’t want to be woken an hour earlier than necessary? Because he is becoming a joke at work (ok this is more his problem but OP may be concerned)?

A lot of us at my hospital get to work an hour early for a parking space. I get than an hour early for a space and a chill out time before the hell that is working in the NHS. Yes, even non clinical staff are rushed off their feet because they won't employ staff. I

Unless your have children that he’s dumping on you when he could be helping then who cares when he arrives at work?
Maybe he likes to sit down with a coffee before work rather than jump straight in after a stressful journey?
Maybe it saves time on traffic leaving earlier?

A whole extra hour he could be doing chores! Come off it. Everyone is allowed some degree of autonomy in their own schedule. If he was at the gym for 45 mins would that not be allowed because every minute of his non working time should be spent “doing something useful”?

Yes that is ridiculous. What is he like with other things? Does he insist on being ridiculously early when you go out together? I don't like being late but being over an hour early is just a massive waste of time. What does he do during that hour?

Going to the gym is useful, keeps you healthy and fit.

Hanging around at work, if he doesn’t actually need to be there and others don’t even start till much later, does nobody any good.

Does OP get an hour every day doing nothing useful, just hanging about? Bet she doesn’t

It would be completely unlikely if the OP couldn’t carve one 1 hour of the day to do what she wants.

Nothing is inherently more useful than anything else! If OP’s DH wants to sit and have a quiet coffee instead of going to the gym that’s his decision.

Depends. If OP works and they have quite young children then it’s very likely she doesn’t have a spare hour a day.

I imagine if they had young children it would be the biggest point in the OP, not that other people find it weird.

I managed a guy like that years ago. It was awkward. He would turn up 1.5 - 2 hours before his 4 hour shift and kind of just stand around getting in the way. People would then feel compelled to make chit chat and then before long everyone had downed tools.

Looking back it was pretty clear that he was ND.

Fair.

OP do you have kids?

And is he waking you earlier than necessary in the morning because of this?

in a sense its good practice, especially when traffic etc and other factors could cause delays

My first guess would be anxiety. Purely because I have a family member who does the same thing and I know that is definitely anxiety. Might be worth considering.

My dh sets off ridiculously early for things (although not quite as bad) he is also so slow, so cooking a meal takes hours. Painting a wall several days.

It never bothered me until we had kids and I realised I had to do 75% of the jobs and manage kids while he did 25% slowly

A couple of people at my work get there 45-60 minutes early. One of them just sits in his car outside for ages and the other comes in but goes on his phone. I think they have anxiety about getting stuck in traffic although one only lives fifteen minutes away!

It’s totally disproportionate. It’s not good practice in any normal sense. I’m not, btw, criticising him but no one with half a brain would recommend it, unless the consequences of being late were truly too horrific to contemplate.

i guess the question would be how common are delays vs being on time if using normal time frame

Does he do this with other things, like getting flights?

He’d be my perfect employee. I totally detest being late for work & cos the traffic into work from mine is at best , mad, at peak hours, I often give myself 2.5hrs to travel. It’s normally 1hr15nins four to door. It’s such that if by 30 before my start time I haven’t shown up , they ring me to check all us well. I’ve worked for the same company for 13yrs & this has only happened 2ce.