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AIBU?

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Original poster

Police didn't believe me

46 replies

somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 20:28

Sorry if I can't post this here, I'm a bit of a mess right now and need some advice.

This all happened a few years back, but it's still raw and I recently heard from my ex.

Long story short, this ex was unwilling to accept things were over between us. There was a bit of getting back together and then splitting up.

In the end, when he realised it really was finally over, he produced some very disturbing material about me. It was absolutely nuts. He'd made records of me that I wasn't aware of, in secret. I don't want to get into too much detail. He was very clever about not openly threatening me to release this stuff, but there were veiled threats.

I did go to the police and they completely took his side. They read the 'book' he wrote about me, which completely turned me into a villain and him into the victim and felt sorry for him. It was a female officer who dealt with me at the time. I was weak and scared and I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself.

Essentially, I dated my ex for a few months and then ended it. That's ALL I did. He couldn't accept it, secretly made records of me and then wrote a ' book ' in which he made himself out to have been in love with me and me being completely evil.

Anyway. He 'got back in touch' in a very sly way recently. I'm scared and worried for my safety. I'm also still really upset at how this police officer handled things. She got it so wrong.

Can I do anything ? Should I go back to the police ?

OP posts:
Happyher · 23/01/2025 20:32

I’d consult a solicitor before going to the police

Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 20:33

Happyher · 23/01/2025 20:32

I’d consult a solicitor before going to the police

What kind of solicitor ?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 23/01/2025 23:14

How has he got back in touch in a sly way? I doubt if this would meet the threshold for harassment unless it's repeated incidents. Keep a log and any evidence and if he persists I would absolutely go back to the police and report him for stalking/harassment. You could consult a solicitor about an injunction, but you will probably need evidence of repeated attempts at contact.

Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 23:40

Endofyear · 23/01/2025 23:14

How has he got back in touch in a sly way? I doubt if this would meet the threshold for harassment unless it's repeated incidents. Keep a log and any evidence and if he persists I would absolutely go back to the police and report him for stalking/harassment. You could consult a solicitor about an injunction, but you will probably need evidence of repeated attempts at contact.

I don't really want to be specific as it could be outing of course.

Obviously I changed my number back then. He didn't send me a message on any social media/ email but let's just say, I know he's looked me up.

It's just unnerving. Hopefully that was that and I won't hear any more. It's just brought back a lot of bad memories though.

OP posts:
2025ohdear · 23/01/2025 23:43

When you said made records, do you mean recordings? Like, he taped you?

PizzaPunk · 23/01/2025 23:45

Did he name you in the book?

Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 23:45

2025ohdear · 23/01/2025 23:43

When you said made records, do you mean recordings? Like, he taped you?

I don't want to go into detail on exactly what it was.
Why do you ask ?

OP posts:
PizzaPunk · 23/01/2025 23:46

somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 23:45

I don't want to go into detail on exactly what it was.
Why do you ask ?

Show quote history

I expect they asked because you're not really giving enough info for anyone to be able to make an informed opinion.

Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 23:48

PizzaPunk · 23/01/2025 23:45

Did he name you in the book?

It wasn't actually a book. Just many, many pages of ramblings, there were sections in it, I guess you could call them chapters, outlining how awful I was. I think I was named yes.

OP posts:
countrybumpkunt · 23/01/2025 23:50

Iv no clue what the heck your in about or why the police would even be involved ? I am police worker and this doesn't make sense at all and certainly wouldn't warrant investigating. Either be more specific or whats the point as we cant help unless we know facts ??

PizzaPunk · 23/01/2025 23:51

somethingthathappenedtome · 23/01/2025 23:48

It wasn't actually a book. Just many, many pages of ramblings, there were sections in it, I guess you could call them chapters, outlining how awful I was. I think I was named yes.

Show quote history

What did he do with what he wrote? Did he publish it?

If you only think you were named, have you actually read it?

countrybumpkunt · 23/01/2025 23:52

Anyone can write a journal/diary ? Unless he published it for all to see why do you care. Your post makes no sense at all

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/01/2025 23:58

Our local police forces have really toughened up with any possible stalking/harassment incidents since a young woman was murdered by her ex. She'd actually been prosecuted for wasting police time!

I'm not saying this to scare you OP, just suggesting that the officers you spoke to some years ago might take it more seriously now.

Sounds like this ex of yours was a bit hung up on you, so might well just be "having a nosey" at what you're up to these days without you knowing.

You should keep a note of everything that makes you uncomfortable though, as sometimes our instincts are spot on.

TravellingTartan · 24/01/2025 00:02

countrybumpkunt · 23/01/2025 23:52

Anyone can write a journal/diary ? Unless he published it for all to see why do you care. Your post makes no sense at all

It makes a lot of sense!! Not sure what you don't understand!

You may be a "police worker" but leave the actual investigating and advice to police and posters who know about stalking.

Rachmorr57 · 24/01/2025 00:09

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AlohaRose · 24/01/2025 00:10

You are going to get a load of garbled and conflicting advice here because you haven't been very clear about what actually happened. Did he give these records/book only to you? So when you took them to the police they hadn't been distributed anywhere else? I understand your reluctance to be more specific about this and about how he got back in touch in a sly way recently but based on such vague details no-one can really help you - hence why someone probably suggested going to a solicitor? Do you have anyone in real-life who knows about the relationship and his previous behaviour? Do you still have this "book"?

Rachmorr57 · 24/01/2025 00:11

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ComtesseDeSpair · 24/01/2025 00:13

I’m guessing the “book” was a log of behaviour he considered abusive or threatening on your part, and was presented to the police in that vein, or something alone those lines? And he hasn’t been back in touch with you but you believe he’s looked you up (on social media?) - that isn’t going to meet the threshold for harassment, though you can of course keep a record of it yourself.

countrybumpkunt · 24/01/2025 00:14

TravellingTartan · 24/01/2025 00:02

It makes a lot of sense!! Not sure what you don't understand!

You may be a "police worker" but leave the actual investigating and advice to police and posters who know about stalking.

Show quote history

I am both but whatever ! Not gunna explain my job role ! Stand by EVERYTHING i have said as the op os being vague and the post doesn't make full sense as she herself admits she cant disclose info.

Delphiniumandlupins · 24/01/2025 00:16

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As OP refers to it as a "book" I presume it was some kind of a written record not an actual, published book.

Rachmorr57 · 24/01/2025 00:18

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Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 24/01/2025 00:19

I suppose just thinking about it, it's two things and again I really am sorry for being vague.

  1. I'm scared he's going to start harassing me again.
  1. I'm still pretty cut up about what the police did and would perhaps like them to look into what happened in this case.

He had secret material of me guys. Material I didn't consent to. Isn't it kind of obvious? He had been creeping on me through the entire relationship.. and the ' book ' showed all the creepy shit he had on me, which I wasn't aware of.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 24/01/2025 00:24

You’re not being very obvious, no. If he has intimate photos or videos of you which you didn’t consent to him taking, this is a crime. This should have been taken seriously when you reported it initially, and you would have the right to raise a formal complaint with the police for not doing so.

Him writing down things he “had on you” i.e. things he knows or has found out about you or which you have done is not a crime, even if you didn’t know he knew these things about you or that he was keeping a log / journal.

Keep a record of all the times you believe he has actively tried to make contact. You need to be clear, and use evidence. A gut feeling that he looks you up on Facebook isn’t going to be evidence of harassment, though.

Original poster
somethingthathappenedtome · 24/01/2025 00:29

ComtesseDeSpair · 24/01/2025 00:24

You’re not being very obvious, no. If he has intimate photos or videos of you which you didn’t consent to him taking, this is a crime. This should have been taken seriously when you reported it initially, and you would have the right to raise a formal complaint with the police for not doing so.

Him writing down things he “had on you” i.e. things he knows or has found out about you or which you have done is not a crime, even if you didn’t know he knew these things about you or that he was keeping a log / journal.

Keep a record of all the times you believe he has actively tried to make contact. You need to be clear, and use evidence. A gut feeling that he looks you up on Facebook isn’t going to be evidence of harassment, though.

Edited

Oh yeah what he's done recently isn't harassment..but he has been much more persistent in the past and even referring to times he's seen me around etc and a lot of calling/ texting.

Your first paragraph, yes.

OP posts:
Foxylass · 24/01/2025 00:30

Please go back to the police. Hopefully a new officer will speak to you, and listen to you.
You will probably need to give more details to them, than you have here, but it will be in confidence.
Please do it. Others may have done similar about your ex, and it helps to build a picture. Or, your info now, might help someone else in the future.

Good luck, take care.