Police didn't believe me

[somethingthathappenedtome]

Sorry if I can't post this here, I'm a bit of a mess right now and need some advice.

This all happened a few years back, but it's still raw and I recently heard from my ex.

Long story short, this ex was unwilling to accept things were over between us. There was a bit of getting back together and then splitting up.

In the end, when he realised it really was finally over, he produced some very disturbing material about me. It was absolutely nuts. He'd made records of me that I wasn't aware of, in secret. I don't want to get into too much detail. He was very clever about not openly threatening me to release this stuff, but there were veiled threats.

I did go to the police and they completely took his side. They read the 'book' he wrote about me, which completely turned me into a villain and him into the victim and felt sorry for him. It was a female officer who dealt with me at the time. I was weak and scared and I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself.

Essentially, I dated my ex for a few months and then ended it. That's ALL I did. He couldn't accept it, secretly made records of me and then wrote a ' book ' in which he made himself out to have been in love with me and me being completely evil.

Anyway. He 'got back in touch' in a very sly way recently. I'm scared and worried for my safety. I'm also still really upset at how this police officer handled things. She got it so wrong.

Can I do anything ? Should I go back to the police ?

Deformation of character
Coercion control
Stalking
Blackmail
He's done quite a lot and I can see why you fear his next move.
Search Stop Your Stalker.

I don't know why some people are suggesting that the OP is overreacting.

This man clearly has intimate pictures of her, which she didn't consent to giving him.

He's also stalking her. OP I'd go back and ask to speak to a more informed police officer. They're better trained in these areas nowadays.

Are you saying he has naked photos/video footage of you or not?

Presumably you’ve name changed so why is it so difficult to just say?

What do you want or expect from this thread otherwise?

Can you enquire about the Victims Right to review with the police?
I am about to do this too. About a matter that was not dealt with by the police and subsequently had disastrous consequences. (I am still plucking up the courage, but I know I must do it)
Please look into it. Especially if you are concerned for your safety.
And please keep a log (preferably in chronological order) and any potential evidence. You will be feeling (understandably) scared and emotional but you need to get the facts across as clearly and calmly as possible.
The Police sometimes have a horrible habit of judging a victim on their emotional state when the victim is actually desperately trying to deal with a terrifying situation.

Are you attempting to say he’s a stalker - or he’s turning into a stalker?
That happened to me once.
I had to move after he really got crazy and there wasn’t any “book” or “recordings.”
My stalker made direct threats to me, my parents and to several different law enforcement agencies.
If this person hasn’t made any threats or hasn’t gotten in direct contact with you, keep a precise record of everything you see and hear and keep a close eye on your surroundings.
A call to the police wouldn’t hurt but they won’t act without provocation from his side - I don’t think.
I know how terrifying this is - I’m sorry.

Op, is he actually harassing you, or are you just worried he might? The police can act on harassment. They cannot act on you worrying about something he might do, because it hasn't happened yet.

If he has taken or shared intimate photos without your consent, that is a specific crime. If he is threatening you, that is a crime. They can act on both.

Writing his nasty thoughts in a book is not a crime.

But otherwise, block him on all media, stop looking at his pages. Make sure your usual physical and digital security is in place and then put your energies into thinking about something else.

People here really can't offer practical advice without knowing clearer details, it is just too vague.

As PP have said - police can only act on things that have actually happened, they cannot act on what he might do in the future if he has not done any of those things to date, and they will struggle to if you say he has, but there is zero proof of this.

Apart from causing you stress, what has he actually done - for example, talked to family or employer, made false accusations to police that have resulted in you being subject to legal proceedings/action...

All I can suggest is that you blank/block/ignore him and retain any physical evidence inc screenshots/emails and present those to the police to further your case that he is harrassing you.

Kindly no one can tell you right or wrong off what you have written here

OP, it wasn't obvious from your posts that you were referring to intimate photos. You may feel that you implied it was along those lines but people reading this are completely in the dark regarding what has gone on in your life. So, whilst I understand your desire to keep this anonymous, without any real.detail at all it's hard for people to advise.

And for those posters who are being deliberately.obtuse about the OP's use of the word 'book', its quite clear she means a dossier of some sort but perhaps she doesn't know the word.

You should speak to some domestic abuse charities such as Women's Aid and Rights of Women for advice.

That's why the police didn't do anything. They didn't believe him. There was nothing they could do. He wrote shit about you on paper no one else read it. He didn't put it on social media. What could they do?

They can't arrest him for rambling about you on paper.

This changes things and I am shocked the police didn't take this seriously. He got away with it once he will keep on doing it until something happens to you.

Ask Mumsnet to put your thread in 30 days so you can talk more freely. The thread will disappear after 30 days.

He does not need to have committed a crime. He may have a history of being a pest, and that should be recorded officially - in case it gets worse.
I am not suggesting he is simply a pest.

Anyway, if you are afraid, report it, please.

The police said it's hard too prove I wasn't aware of things. He describes how I was always drunk and blacking out ( not true )... however a lot of it was clearly taken secretly and it's very obvious.

Like I said, the officer was also duped by the manipulative nature of his writings.

This

It's none of their business you can get drunk and black out if you want to. Being with a cunt like that you need a drink.

Contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust- they give advice to women who are victims of stalking

You could to Paladin or the Suzy Lamplugh Trust for advice on stalking. Also the NCDV can help with an injunction if needed.

See a different officer.

Are you physically safe, OP? Is your ex stalking you?

If he doesn't present a physical threat yet, call women's aid for advice. Personally, if it was safe to do so, I would tell your ex that the relationship is over, you have no interest in ever getting back together and you do not want him to contact you in any way ever again. Put this in writing (text message), so you have evidence to show the police. If he contacts you again, this is harassment. Report him to the police. Report him every time he tries to contact you.

If it becomes stalking, change your number, close all your social accounts, decline employer requests to publish your name/photo on their website/socials, move and do not give any of your friends/family your new address (stalkers and abusers are often good at playing the victim, convincing the victim's friends and family that they are the injured party, they mean no harm, they want to apologise for any misunderstanding and make it up to you, yada yada yada, and you don't want them to be tricked into giving away your location).

www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/sh/stalking-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/