To want to stay during my daughter's speech and language therapy?

[mamariamama]

My daughter is three and has a mild stutter. I don’t know if it’s just a phase or something more permanent, but we decided to start speech and language therapy (SLT) just in case. Since she’s bilingual, we had to find a therapist who speaks our language, which wasn’t easy in the UK. Eventually, we found someone qualified who seems good with kids, though she’s a bit firm and direct with me as the parent. The sessions are held at her house.

Here’s the issue: she insists my daughter needs to be alone for the sessions and has basically told me to “go get a coffee” for the hour. But she lives in a super residential area, I don’t drive, and we take a taxi to get there (she knows this). So my options are to sit outside in the freezing January weather or spend an extra £10-15 on taxis just to go find somewhere to wait, plus whatever a coffee costs, and rush the coffee as by the time I've found a taxi, reached a coffee shop, ordered etc, it's time to pick my daughter up. She’s let me sit on her sofa before but was clearly not happy about it.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this? I get that some kids do better without a parent there, but surely she could be a little more understanding of the fact that I literally have nowhere else to go? Would it be unreasonable to push back on this a bit?

If it was me I'd either find another SLT or say you can't continue the sessions unless you can stay for all the reasons mentioned.

That seems odd, I'm always at my son's sessions and he is 3. I sit at the back of the room so I dont interact unless I'm asked to, but I am there

@jellyjester honestly finding another SLT would be ideal, but I just can't find any that speak our language. I'm considering going for just an English speaking one but naturally they'll be confused whether half of what she is saying are random sounds or words, and what she means. I feel like it'll be less productive and helpful

This is bizarre to me. I am a SLT. I would not expect a 3yo to be left with a stranger. Secondly the therapy approaches for a stutter for a young child (under 7) are more about working with the parent. I would either be doing the Lidcombe programme with you watching to carry it out at home or Palin PCI (parent-child interaction) so you would obviously need to be there.

Can you ask her to travel to you instead? Then you could just potter at home during the session.

That's normal at that age for children to have a slight stutter when learning new words and using longer sentences. My son had a slight stutter at the age of 4 but grew out of it.

Has it made been mentioned by nursery or anyone?

If your daughter is bilingual an English SLT will be fine. Presumably your DD will go to an English speaking school?

(we did this with a DC but the other way round using our local language it was fine.)

@BeansAndNoodles she doesn't travel for the sessions, says the only way is to come to her

@2dogsandabudgie my daughter doesn't go to nursery, just my observations. But reassuring to read she may grow out of it!

@Brefugee yes my daughter will go to an English school, I just feel like since the SLT addresses speech, it's important for them to speak both

There used to be a Bilingual Kids topic here - may be good to seek it out?

There are a lot of "issues" with bilingual children (esp ML@Home@Home

This is an important point too. I think you really need to know:

• Does your SLT feel she is at risk of persistent stammering and why
• What approach is she using?
• What does she want you to do at home if you can't see what she does?

If you aren't happy, I would contact some Englush speaking SLTs. It is harder, but not impossible, and something doesn't sound quite right to me here.

(Gah the site is unusable)

The "issues" aren't issues but often just need patience

@BendingSpoons makes a good point about safeguarding perspective, very odd to be asked to leave your daughter with her alone. Does she have an enhanced CRB? Safeguarding policies?

Plus the idea that parents need to learn the techniques.

Can you find an alternative one that does online sessions and is bilingual? Failing that I think I'd switch to an English only one that had you in the room.

I can maybe understand her not wanting you in the same room to help your daughter concentrate. But asking you to leave the house isn't practical for the reasons you have stated. What are her objections to you sitting in another room? like her kitchen or even a chair in the hallway.

She claims it's for the concentration, and she did give me a debrief at the end plus sent links to videos of what to do... but I don't see the issue with me sitting in her living room.

Massive no. You should be sitting in the sessions to learn how to help your daughter with her speech at home and in other settings.

I know your native language is a consideration, but I would find a therapist who practices the Lidcombe Program. It's speech therapy designed for small children up to the age of seven and uses behaviourial techniques to retrain the brain (after the age of seven the brain reboots for the next growing stage and other speech therapy is needed). My daughter went through the program at the age of three and her stutter vanished. It requires parental input too!

Edited to add: the Lidcombe Program teaches the children the difference between sticky words and smooth words – if the therapist teaches your daughter in English, there's no reason you can't continue the practice at home in your language.

I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving such a young child.

I absolutely would not leave my 3 year old toddler alone in this persons house. This would be a safeguarding red flag for me. I'm surprised any reputable HCP would encourage this.

English speaking SLTs often have lots of experience with children who stutter in other languages, sometimes they stutter in one and not another. Many are increasingly open to exploring the way in which language is acquired and working with the family, whatever that dynamic might be and working with families who do not have English as a first language, in some cases working with interpreters, in other cases, coaching parents to 'deliver' the speech therapy in the child's first language. There is much less focus on ensuring speech is 'correct' in English, and more on understanding the dynamics of language acquisition and communication that are individual to the child and their family.

Find a better SLT.

Even if the SLT observed that the child stuttered more in the presence of a parent, the answer is not to remove the parent for all sessions, as they are present 99% of the time, the answer is to work on communication within the family, unless there was evidence that the child were at risk, which is extremely unlikely, in which case, safeguarding protocols would be relevant. (Which I doubt is the case here...)

In the 1980's, my mum used to sit in her car during piano lessons, but was also allowed to sit in the hallway or the kitchen...

I personally wouldn't be leaving such a young child with any professional, particularly in their home as opposed to an actual clinical setting.

This would be a huge red flag for me.

I am paying privately for SLT as my daughter is now 6 and her stammer has continued. Our SLT explained at this age it’s more work for the parents to learn how to support and for the child to feel confident. Working on ways to make it easier to talk for my daughter. When she is older the SLT my daughter can employ strategies if she feels they would be beneficial, but at this age considered to be too young.

Your SLT sounds like they are not following the current best practices and are a safe guarding risk.

I’d just tell her it’s not possible. You’ll wait at hers and then pop in some ear buds and play solitaire on your phone until the session is over.

My 8 year old DS has been seeing several therapists over many years now.

I, as the parent, was present at every appointment with each therapist - mainly as it is vital to give the parents direction to ensure the activities/ progress/ exercises are able to be correctly practiced and continued at home, outside the therapy session.

It has only been recently, and only with 2 therapists my child has been engaging with for over 2.5 years each, has DS progressed to sometimes deciding to have sessions without me present.

I would not agree to leave a 3 year old at an appointment by themselves.

I would leave a 3 year old by themselves, especially not to go to a coffee shop but obviously you can’t just sit outside in the cold either. I don’t see the problem with you sitting in another room in her house if she would prefer the session to be alone.

Id tell her if you can’t stay you will need to find someone else and look for an English SLT.