Do you size people up when you meet them?

[UmberHedgehog]

Be honest - when you meet someone new, do you find yourself quickly forming opinions about them based on their appearance, behaviour , or the first few things they say? I’ve been thinking about how much we subconsciously ‘size people up’ even if we try not to.

Is it just human nature to assess people like this or is it something we should try to stop doing? I’m curious if others do this and, if so, how aware of it you are. Do you think these snap judgments are accurate, or do they often turn out to be wrong?

Everyone, consciously or unconsciously, does this. Literally everyone. We also all have biases and prejudices, sometimes very subtle ones and sometimes bigger, that we aren't even aware of and which feed into our judgements.

People often say 'Trust your gut feeling' about someone. Sometimes, that's good advice because we've actually picked up unconsciously on genuine signals. But sometimes, it's awful advice, because 'gut feelings' are also formed partly by those unconscious biases and prejudices, rather than an ability to actually read people.

Marina Hyde and Richard Osman’s The Rest is Entertainment podcast recently talked about a poll that correlated whether individuals would prefer to be a Traitor or a Faithful on the tv series Traitors. Those who said they’d prefer to be a traitor were far more likely to vote Tory than those who said they’d prefer to be faithful, who were overwhelmingly Labour voters.

And I agree with you, it’s not difficult to tell by appearance. I moved to a big, deeply Tory village in a safe Tory constituency in 2012, and when I ordered the Guardian at the shop/PO within days of our arrival, the postmaster jokily said to me, ‘Do you want an introduction to the only other four Guardian-reading households in the village?’ I said, ‘Give me a chance to see if I can identify them’, and within a couple of weeks, I had identified two of them.

A girl I work with actually wears a badge that says, "I'm nicer than my face looks!"
She is nice and personally I think her face is nice too but this thread just made me think of her!

I absolutely do and am usually correct

I think the ability to form an impression of people when you first meet them is an important life skill. It's not a negative at all.

You're either lying, or there's something wrong with you. It's human instinct to make first impressions, and it's essential for survival (or it would have been in the past anyway - but instincts stay with us).

You must have opinions about your colleagues. You must have some you like more or less than others.

If you feel that flat about them then there's something not right.

Yes, it's human nature and hard-wired into us to sum people up when we meet them. We are, on a very basic level, assessing a number of things: are they safe, are we attracted to them (is the person a potential mate), are they friendly or hostile. Are they rivals to us - do they present a threat in any way.

We are animals after all - and I believe we make fundamental judgements about people before words have been exchanged

I do.
By the way they stand, the way they speak, eye contact or lack of it, sometimes the way they’re dressed but not always.
I think it’s natural and general curiosity most of the time.
If they say something completely vile within the first 15 minutes, it turns from an opinion to a judgement.
I’ve been right and wrong many times.

I do, but mostly to do with how safe I feel with them. Or the opposite. And then I act accordingly.

Yes, I also think it’s very easy to gauge social class immediately by appearance and speech.

Of course

we all do it’s a way of keeping ourselves safe from danger or make decisions when engaging with them

if someone pulls out an axe while asking you the time you of course you will form the opinion you are in danger

we are not consciously aware of all the information that we are picking up on that we shall form an opinion on, it’s very interesting to read peoples accounts of all that they noticed after a significant event, all the telling signs that passed them so quickly at the time they were not aware of them

@BananagramBadger

I give them quite a while to settle my opinion as some of my best friends were people who instantly annoyed me on meeting them!

This is an interesting phenomena and one that applies quite frequently to couples in my experience. I know of a number of people - colleagues, friends - who were intensely irritated by their future spouse when they first met them. And they've ended up getting married and having long, successful relationships together. Irritation can be a good sign I suppose as it might mean that the other person brings something new and challenging to the table

It’s human nature to look out for danger and sizing people up is part of that, I certainly form opinions on first meeting someone but I’m also reasonable enough to understand that there is a possibility that these opinions could be incorrect until I get to know someone better but I’m usually correct

Yes of course but I am well aware that almost all of my unconscious assumptions are incorrect.

I agree about class our society is so intrenched still in class differences

and easy to spot private school children I can’t explain what it is as many teenagers dress the same but there is just something about how they carry themselves

Of course, it goes back to caveman / woman days, you do it subconsciously as a safety mechanism even before they open their mouth. As long as you aren't saying it out loud it doesn't matter. So will I make a beeline to the man on the bus who is shouting stuff at everyone, no i won't, he may be lovely and obviously has issues but my first thought is to keep myself safe.

I met someone yesterday who I had previously only spoken to on the phone. I was at least 10 years out on the age I had imagined he was, but I correctly predicted what he would be wearing!

I come across younger than I am (I won't say that I look younger because MN doesn't believe anyone who says that) mainly because I'm short and dress casually. I notice that people treat me differently because of that , I think maybe because, from a distance they have already set their opinion that I am a child/young person (even though, close up it's very clear I'm not!)

Yes, but I try my best not to. I have been proven wrong on my first impressions of people on a number of occasions.

Not because I am terrible at reading people, just that people in general tend to be complex multi faceted human beings and that if you base your judgement on the superficial or an awkward (or impressive) first encounter, you're doing yourself and the other person a massive disservice and you end up having a very small world, surrounding yourself with others who (on the surface) act and look like you.

@Costcolover You're weird to be getting so offended by this. It's human nature to make judgements about a person in the first few seconds/minutes of meeting them.

So after 4.5 years, you had no idea which of your colleagues was friendly, chatty, selfish, opinionated, kind, quiet, sporty, fun, rude, organised, warm, standoffish, hardworking, attractive etc etc? No opinions at all? That’s quite unusual…

Yes, the Guardian thing is hilarious, we have that instinct too. It's always easy to tell who will have books in the house also; I mean obviously that can apply across the political spectrum, but is still something that sticks out a mile.

I think first impressions count for a lot and we all make them unconsciously or consciously. I spend each working day with at least a couple of new people. Sometimes I'm spot on with my initial thoughts, sometimes I'm way off!

No one can say they never have thoughts on someone. We all make assumptions about people when we first me them. Those assumptions don't have to be negative.

Everyone does, OP.

It's what people.mean by 'first impressions' which is a concept that existed long before you started this thread.

I discount anyone who looks remotely they/them. I know our values and opinions won't align and I cant be bothered with the hassle.

Yes. 100 per cent. Their demeanour. Their vibe. And if they monologue and ask me nothing.