Do you size people up when you meet them?

[UmberHedgehog]

Be honest - when you meet someone new, do you find yourself quickly forming opinions about them based on their appearance, behaviour , or the first few things they say? I’ve been thinking about how much we subconsciously ‘size people up’ even if we try not to.

Is it just human nature to assess people like this or is it something we should try to stop doing? I’m curious if others do this and, if so, how aware of it you are. Do you think these snap judgments are accurate, or do they often turn out to be wrong?

TBH I'd find it quite odd if someone formed no opinion at all of me - I'd think I was pretty bland and forgettable!

@ScouserInExile Judging someone on what car they drive is shocking behaviour. The car someone drives is dependent on earnings most of the time ffs! The car I drive (new KIA Sportage) is a Motability car and is entirely chosen for the space it has for my mobility scooter not my bloody personality! And there's 60,000+ Motability cars on the road in the UK

@Louisetheroux Yep, same here!

@MoMhathair I know what forming an opinion is thank you very much. The same applies, it never occurred to me to form an opinion on the lady at KIA! I used the 'funny' example as occasionally I'll meet someone who is particularly funny. Then I'll form an opinion that they're funny but on a day to day basis, I don't form ANY opinion on anyone I meet. I don't just mean at the beginning either, I can often know someone for years without forming an opinion on them.

Yes but while I’m pretty good at judging ‘type’ of person, I’m bad at judging worth of person - I give them quite a while to settle my opinion as some of my best friends were people who instantly annoyed me on meeting them!

Nonsense. You've clearly formed an opinion on me based on a few posts and we haven't even met. Would you respond to a good friend with a snippy 'thank you very much?' That response is based on an opinion, whether you realise it or not.

I think you're completely misunderstanding my point. It's more about being able to tell new money from old money. FWIW I'm disabled myself and we have a very old Skoda estate. It's not always about earnings, more about taste and aspirations.

I thought it was normal, or at least quite common to have a "first impression" of someone - whether that's accurate or not. Just the expression or concept of first impressions must mean it's a thing?

Although to be honest my first impression of how the OP was worded was that it might be a journo?

You say you don't form opinions but then say that there is a particular way of looking that is "rough" which explains why a security guard's attention would be drawn 🤔

We can’t entirely stop doing this as it’s part of our survival instinct. If you’re walking alone after dark, I bet you’re aware of who’s walking behind you and making a snap judgement about whether they’re a potential threat.

We can often teach ourselves to ignore our basic survival instinct, however this probably isn’t a good idea. But we should question our prejudices when we’re safe and have time. E.g. “why do I dislike my new colleague? Did she actually say or do anything, or could it be that she looks and sounds rather like Jenna, who bullied me at school”?

It's a case of what is "rough". To me, rough is white trainers, jog pants, black North Face jacket. But I've been followed by security guards simply for having long hennaed hair and wearing hippy clothes. It's very subjective and almost meaningless.

I actually have two cars, one is a right old banger, work 1600 quid, the other is a top of the range audi. I also can be dressed in sliders, socks and a crumpled old jumper one day with no makeup to do the school run, the next day I might be going to the office with my Mulberry bag, Jaeger dress and Hobbs heels. I actually do find people are nicer to me when I am wearing the old clothes and driving the old car, people are willing to give me a hand and want to actively help. I have had people offering to helo with me paying for my shopping and one guy even offered to pay for my kids lunch when I have gone out looking a bit dishevelled. When i am dressed up I find people are not as nice and unless they are people dressed in a similar way and seem to think I am part of their club. It is interesting how people react to different sorts of peoples dress and car... if you saw me on my dress down days you could never ever guess what I do for a living and I quite like that.

@Costcolover you did make a judgement. You judged, probably correctly, that she would find your joke about spilling your tea mildly amusing, and that you could enjoy some levity in an otherwise mundane task. She had obviously been friendly enough for you to judge that this interaction was appropriate.

If you’d arrived at the Kia garage and there’d been no one at reception, and a mechanic had called gruffly through from the workshop “just leave your keys in the desk love”, then turned away, you wouldn’t have stopped to make a joke about spilling your tea. You’d have made a judgement of the mechanic and the situation, and realised it wasn’t really appropriate.

We form opinions on people all the time, subconsciously. We’re not necessarily deciding if we want to marry them, or if they’re a kind person, or clever, or whatever. But we’re still forming opinions.

Same as @Crazybaby123 we have two cars- a 20 year old BMW and a new Tesla, I look terrible on the school run but polished when the situation requires it. However that doesn't stop me forming an opinion of others on first meeting them. This will of course then be confirmed or rejected after more meetings, conversations and time in general.

Everyone does it. But not at a glance, you need to engage with the person to form a judgement.

We all do it.

Also I know this is changing the subject slightly but my dog has great intuition when it comes to people. He somehow can immediately detect which people are good / kind and is very nice to them, it's crazy!

What do swing voters look like?

@Upstartled

I thought that said "swingers" and it made me chuckle! FWIW I'd imagine they'd be nude, or a tit out at least.

Of course I make a judgement. It’s interesting to meet new people, and I’m always on the lookout for new potential kindred spirits. While I’m interested in how people self-present, too, I’m generally more interested in what they say — are they clever, funny, observant, well-informed? Reserved or putting it all out there? Do they talk well? Do they do something interesting for a living and are they interesting about it? Do I want the conversation to continue?

And obviously I’ve been wrong. Not often, but sometimes. I didn’t much like someone who has been a close friend since the 90s the first time I met her. I only realised later on that she was stressed about our surroundings (as was I. Two poor kids newly at an elite university) and was performing a more gung-ho All-American version of herself, while, according to another friend from that era, I was giving off chippy ‘Be more interesting, rich people’ vibes and was mysteriously late to everything…😀

I think I am a really good judge of character. I am a natural people watcher and I am fascinated by people and their choices. DH is a pretty good at sizing people up too. I have an excellent BS detector.

I like to confuse school Mums with what type of person I am. I dress in cheap clothes, wear a lot of supermarket gym wear and live in a deprived northern town and available during the day for school assemblies so look poor and unemployed. However, people are surprised that I have a "posher" accent than they are expecting as I grew up in the South, I have a well paid flexible job that allows me to do the school run and drive a new company car. I'm not really bothered about being judged either way.

I form first impressions but I try to keep an open mind as they are often wrong.

Again, not quite what I meant, it's more in regard to people being able to tell your social class.
Living in a very posh, upwardly mobile area it's really easy to tell new money/old money/academia, and I think that is how a lot of us are judged, still. We are not a classless society, however much we might like to think it.
Even dog breeds have a social class.

(Personally, I can’t tell who someone voted for just by their appearance🤣)

But, there is such thing as ‘first impression bias’ we, as humans, do tend to make immediate judgements on appearances.

I met my closest friend over thirty years ago through her DBs. I thought she was vile. She had a reputation for being tough and a bully. I couldn't have been more wrong, not only that, there were reasons for her behaviour.
I think it's human nature but don't think that first impression is always correct.

I do. But, I am often wrong so try keep that in mind!
I've also had it said to me, by more than one person, I didn't like you when we first met- but now I love you. They can never give a reason of what I did wrong to start with. Which is quite hurtful tbh and has hapoened all my life!