Wedding invitation totally out of the blue

[MyDeftDuck]

Earlier this week we received a wedding invitation from the man next door. He moved in a few years ago, lived alone and we all introduced ourselves, always said 'hi' 'good morning' etc.

Recently he has had a woman staying over, no problem with that whatsoever. But she never, ever speaks; she doesn't respond when we say hello, she looks away if we see each other in the gardens, she blanks us if we are on the street and just this morning I spotted her at the bus stop and was at the point of saying 'thank you for the wedding invitation' but she glared at me and walked off in a strop, (yes, she missed the bus) Why?????

AIBU to not want to go to this wedding if she can't even be civil and engage in conversation? I know she isn't hard of hearing but I do find her rude, dismissive, a bit of a snob and a complete pain in the arse.

What would you do?

Actually yes, if she never speaks to you how is she a "bit of a snob and a pain in the arse"? I have to speak to achieve both those things.

If other neighbours I was friendly with were going I would probably go but if not I would politely decline the invitation.

I've lived in the same small development for over 20 years. I know all the neighbours (20 houses) - some much better than others. Two of the female neighbours have been/are a bit like this with much more friendly husbands. I think in both cases it is/was fairly extreme social awkwardness. One is now (late fifties) friendly and engaging (only in the last few of years) and the other is lovely on the phone (ring to ask about pruning etc) but will blank you when out and about. Interestingly both stopped driving at a young age and barely drove before that - not sure if that has any relevance - but maybe a lack of confidence generally.

Otherwise I would continue to be friendly and say hello to the man but dial it down a bit with her - friendly smile if face to face but no hello/approaching.

I'd go! I love random weddings. Been to a couple where I've only sort of know the bride or groom and they've been fascinating

Ffs, don't go to the wedding just because or to report back. She doesn't want to talk to you, why would she want you at her wedding? Why would any of you go for a free bar or meal or out of interest to an event that is insignificant to you but will.eman something to her? Just respond no, and carry on with your life.

Another who would probably go, if it were local and I were free, because

a) I generally enjoy weddings
b) I am fascinated by people generally

But, if like so many on MN, you don't like weddings, then don't go.
If (again, like so many on MN) you don't find it easy to be friendly and sociable with people you don't know well, then don't go.

It is an invitation. No problem with sending a 'Thanks for the Invitation, but sorry, we're not available' reply.

He is lovely, will chat away and is very sociable. If he's going to be making a bit of noise in his workshop he always pre-warns the neighbours etc; generally a good guy.

She is definitely the bride to be and has now moved in permanently but won't lower herself to take their wheelie bin in after it's been emptied, won't talk to anyone, sits in their garden with her back to us when the weather is fine ...... hope that describes the situation in more detail.

But PLEASE MN.......don't make me go to this bloody wedding........I am planning a short break right now.😂

definitely go, i'd be so nonplussed i'd need to hear about her personality from the speeches

I’d probably think that he was trying to fill out his side of the venue a bit, feel sorry for him and go.
We’ve had the same group of neighbours for around 20 years in a 8 house cul de sac. We say hello but are not overly friendly. One neighbour who I do occasionally meet on a dog walk and have a good chat invited all the houses to her engagement party. It was very strange! That was a few years ago and they’re not married yet. Waiting to see if we do get an invite to that.

Read your update and now I'm worried our neighbours think I won't lower myself to do the bins and am a bit of a snob.
My OH and I split the house jobs - he does the bins, I clean the loo, etc but the neighbours don't know that. They just see OH doing the bins. I also have a natural resting bitch face 😖. But not all grumpy-faced women who don't do the bins are a complete pain in the arse, honest!

Rude or painfully shy?

I was thinking the same! My DH always takes the bins in! What must the neighbours think😂

OP she might just be a bit socially awkward. Have you tried making a bit of small talk?

Some people are just looking to make up the numbers, they feel embarrassed perhaps they don't have many friends. I had a wedding invite out of the blue recently (via text message) from a old friend whom I haven't spoken to for well over 10 years. Didn't even know she was getting married. It was bizarre, I know nothing about her life these days nor she mine.

Could she just have really bad eyesight or be autistic?

Yikes. It probably wouldn’t even be unreasonable for your neighbour not to go 😂
cant you rescue him?

We have both made considerable effort - we were chatting to the man one particular day during the summer and she came out, stood between him and the garden fence with her back to us. It was so bloody obvious that she had no intention of acknowledging us!
Having discussed the topic of the invitation we are not going, not to make up any numbers, not to give her further opportunity to ignore us and most certainly not to salve her social awkwardness.

To answer your question, I think she missed the bus for one of three reasons.

1. The bus was on time but she arrived too late for it.
2. The bus was earlier than the scheluded time and had already gone.
3. That particular bus had been cancelled.

“sits in their garden with her back to us when the weather is fine”

How very dare she!

This! Go and have fun, it will break the ice

Why is that bizarre? If people just invited current friends then they wouldn't have enough, people always invite old school friends, uni friends, friends from old jobs etc. I think it's nice to have people there who have meant something to you in life.

If people just invited current friends then they wouldn't have enough, people always invite old school friends, uni friends, friends from old jobs etc.

You do know there isn't a 'minimum number' for weddings, right ?
If you don't have a big circle of friends, then the 'norm' would be to have a smaller 'do'.

I believe that the people who invite old school or Uni friends or colleagues are the people who have kept in touch with, and continued to see those people, not people who haven't been in any sort of contact with them for 10 years.

Yeah that was my thought

It's amazing to me that you're even considering going. He's not your friend, and his fiancee is actively hostile towards you. Why would you even have to think about it?

If he asks why, two choices - "Your fiancee blanks me if I speak to her", or "Sorry, we're busy that weekend". And no present!

Or, if he really is marrying her.

Pop a note in saying thank you, we feel bad accepting when we have never spoken to G. Would you like to come for a drink?

If they say no, they declined first

Oh just go. You won't see either of them that day on a personal level, they'll be far too busy. You can always leave early once dinner is over if you feel irritated by her for any reason. If it's miles and miles away and an overnight is required, then forget it, I wouldn't even do that for my friend (well YKWIM).

He sounds like one of the good guys, so it's very nice to be invited whatever the reason. The lady may be deaf, I am and have been told by those I've only recently met that they thought I was ignoring them or I was acting all snooty! Far from it.... Just a thought.

It's a trap!