To regret bringing my children into this world.

[BackAgainSlimLady]

I was just watching the piece starmer did (please don’t make this a political debate I don’t really understand enough about politics to keep up) about the evil kid who killed those three young girls last year. It’s never really crossed my mind until he was speaking on how threats aren’t just radicalised groups anymore, it’s individuals.. like he says, it’s boys in their bedrooms obsessed with violence and killing.

I have a 5 and 3 year old and my stomach drops at the thought of trying to get them through life safely right now. The thought that any one of their peers could be that person. Then there social media as they get older, kids having smart phones younger and younger. Pre-teen children on TikTok and instagram. I want to protect them from that, but as parents we know how difficult it is when they want to fit in in school, have the phone their friends have, have social media to contact friends ect.

I’m genuinely so concerned for their future, and my own tbh.. kids don’t understand what we’re trying to protect them from so we’re just seen to be the villain when we stand our ground.

I desperately hope we can turn this around.

Convert to a religion and go and live alongside people of that religion. You'll be safer there.

Somehow, I can imagine converting to any religion is any safer.

I’ll stick to being an atheist.

Congratulations - the media has done its job - you’ve officially been scare mongered!!!

Perhaps now, take them out into nature, play with your kids, enjoy time with family and realise that crap is only put on the tv and media to do exactly that to you.

Life is beautiful - cherish it!!!

I grew up attending a few different churches, and there have been sexual abuse allegations against senior leaders in all of them over the last 3 years. It's not necessarily a safer option.

Yes there are specific challenges in the modern world , but in reality in this time and place children are safer than they have ever been. The world in general in getting better, there are more medicines , less violence, less poverty.

Dont be pessimistic! Switch off the news and look around you. Notice the little acts of kindness and moments of happiness all around you. Most people are good and kind. Serious violence is very rare.

Your mood makes the weather for your children. If you feel Positive and grateful then so will they.

It is scary op but you have to constantly talk to your children and hope they get in with a nice group of friends.

There has probably never been a safer time to bring children into the world. Babies have been born during world wars, child mortality was low; even 100 years ago, 2 of my grandmothers siblings died of illnesses that could be treated now. The world is quite a safe place compared to how it once was. These kinds of things are terrible to hear about at any stage of life but I do think they are much more difficult to hear of when you have your own children.

Really though, most people in the world are good people. Yes bad things happen but the news media focusses on the bad and the good is not reported.
Bring your children up to be confident and able to go out into the world and enjoy it but also to know how to raise concern and seek help should they need it.
There is still a lot in the world to be thankful for and to enjoy, as your children will find out.

There have always been awful people who do awful things.

Luckily there have never been very many of them and this is still the case. We just hear about it more easily.

The vast majority of people will go through their lives pretty uneventfully and will not be victims of this kind of crime. Your kids will most likely be fine.

Stop watching all news. Fight fires at home. Focus on your little family. That's what you do.
Speaking from experience!

Life has always, does always and will always carry a certain amount of risk with it. Different risks over the centuries, but ever present. However, the fact that anyone is here at all is so random, that I think we need to try and get some perspective and make the most of the positives in our lives while we’re here. We get one go at it, so there’s no point in dwelling on the potential negatives. Why waste your one opportunity by worrying it away? Yes, horrible things can happen, but it’s not a modern phenomenon, they have done throughout history, and yet here we still are!

Interesting that you aren't scared of your children becoming perpetrators.

I agree with you in some respects, especially mobile phone use and internet, porn becoming normalised.

But the risk of violence has always been there and events like Southport are rare.

Honestly, read a history book. Anything. Umm, I dunno, maybe the English Civil War. Whatever.

Whatever era/event you pick, you'll quickly realise that life has always been hard, and it's been a hell of lot more frightening and dangerous than it is today.

You need to get some perspective. It'll change your outlook completely.

No you’re wrong. I’m absolutely terrified my children will be parent-murders who will get me in my sleep 😂

also concerned that social media, games and the wrong type of friendship group might radicalise them.

as you can tell.. I’m a serial worrier 😂

'Threats aren't just radicalised groups anymore - it's individuals'.

OP this has been true for as long as humans existed.

Jack the Ripper in the Victorian era and the Yorkshire Ripper in the 1980s were individuals who didn't belong to radicalised groups.

That is to say nothing of the well-known fact that more kids are physically hurt or killed by close family members than by strangers or by more distant peers.

Humans have always been a source of potential danger to other humans.

And yes, I do agree that phones, social media etc have created some new threats and make it easier for some horrible stuff to take place. Then again, kids in the UK today are pretty much less likely than any previous generation since the literal dawn of humanity to die due to disease or war or post-accidental-injury infection, so some things really have got better (I appreciate that the same doesn't go for all kids in all parts of the world, but the world taken as a whole is surely safer than in the past thanks to medical advances, more international pressure to find alternatives to conflict etc).

There is a lot to worry about as a parent and I don't blame you for being anxious but I do think your conclusions go too far.

Life is beautiful - cherish it?

My life has been extremely hard from the day I was born.

Did you have good parents?

A lot of people don't.

Men in their bedrooms obsessed with violence and killing pre-date the internet.

This! I could not agree more.

My parents were adolescents in the second world war. One of them was evacuated to the countryside. Rationing continued until 1952. Think how difficult it was to raise children in those circumstances.

This may be a controversial view but one of the reasons that our teens and young adults seem to be crippled with anxiety may be that modern day life does not present us with enough physical and mental challenges.

Also agree that we need to model positivity, without being Disneyesque about it, for our DC. They are watching and need to know that being an adult is not all doom and gloom.

Also agree that it is in the interests of certain right wing factions to keep us fearful and divided.

What happened to those three girls was horrifying and appalling in every way. The perpetrator had been exhibiting red flags all of his life that were either missed or were noted but then ignored. This case yet again represented the complete failure of under-funded public agencies to coordinate and act with common sense and rigour.

You could not agree more?

There is a huge amount of child abuse going on. Children are treated like second class citizens.

And no one cares or really does anything to intervene.

The sara shariff case should never have happened

I don't regret bringing my 3 children into this world, but thankfully they are now all adults in their 20s and the smart phones/snapchat etc. era didn't feature until they were older teens. However, both my DS and DD have said they don't want to bring children into this world.

Be very aware that any anxiety from parents is absorbed by kids. We are a very anxious generation of parents (for understandable reasons) and this is strongly affecting our children. You have little eyes on you ALL the time. They don't necessarily listen to your words, but they do watch you all the time. They feel safe about the world if they sense you feel safe. Make your home a fun, peaceful sanctuary for them, so far as possible.

With regard to smartphones - be the parent. You know they are bad for kids, so speak to your kids from a young age about how they won't be having them until the recommended age 14, and that there will be parental controls on them until age 18. Control the WiFi and access within the home. I'm already preparing my 9 year old. There is no way he's having unrestricted access to the internet, pornography etc, just because everyone else is. He's not losing his childhood to social media and gaming. Absolutely no way. I'm sure lots more parents will follow suit over the coming years as we get back to more of an authoritative parenting style - kids actually feel safer and less anxious when parents lead and create firm boundaries.

I completely understand your stress, but half the things we worry about won't ever happen. Some things we can control. You get to control what happens in your home, so start there.

I needed to see this. Thank you x

As a mum I don’t worry about stuff like this as it’s very unlikely they will be involved in this sort or violence which is nothing new. I worry about mental health, social isolation, phone use and social media, global warming and them not being able to get a job or buy a house. So always something to worry about

I say this as gently as possible: this is one of the safest moments in history for women and children (possibly in the postwar decades it was more safe for children and slightly less safe for women). Please calm down and understand the real risks facing your children: car safety, drug education, etc.