To regret bringing my children into this world.

[BackAgainSlimLady]

I was just watching the piece starmer did (please don’t make this a political debate I don’t really understand enough about politics to keep up) about the evil kid who killed those three young girls last year. It’s never really crossed my mind until he was speaking on how threats aren’t just radicalised groups anymore, it’s individuals.. like he says, it’s boys in their bedrooms obsessed with violence and killing.

I have a 5 and 3 year old and my stomach drops at the thought of trying to get them through life safely right now. The thought that any one of their peers could be that person. Then there social media as they get older, kids having smart phones younger and younger. Pre-teen children on TikTok and instagram. I want to protect them from that, but as parents we know how difficult it is when they want to fit in in school, have the phone their friends have, have social media to contact friends ect.

I’m genuinely so concerned for their future, and my own tbh.. kids don’t understand what we’re trying to protect them from so we’re just seen to be the villain when we stand our ground.

I desperately hope we can turn this around.

I used to work in a marketing/media role. For news about ordinary people to make it to the front pages of national newspapers and the headlines of the news at 10, something hugely out of the ordinary has to happen.

So the fact this news has made headlines means that this kind of behaviour is thankfully rare. The chances of our children being randomly attacked are vanishingly small.

That said, whilst I don't live in fear of my child coming to physical harm, the demise in public services worries me abc does keep me up at night from time to time. DS is in year 9 at a secondary school that is on its third head teacher since he joined. The school struggles to recruit and retain specialist teachers. That problem exists across many of our local schools - there just aren't enough teachers locally.

Our local GP is almost impossible to get at appointment at. Our local hospital is falling down and won't now be replaced for another 10-15 years.

I worry about the long term education, healthcare and environmental threats our children will face as they grow up. And worry that my old age will not be as comfortable as that experienced by my grandparents and parents.

I do think there seems to be a problem, globally, with angry loner boys being radicalised online.

The method of radicalisation seems to change (self radicalised or by others) but overwhelmingly young men / boys. I don’t know why that is but had I had children this would not make me regret having them. People have had children throughout history in far more dangerous situations.

That makes no sense at all..

Don't harbour regrets - it's a waste of energy. Make plans for a positive future despite the world's problems.
Also, it's not helpful to think of people as 'evil'. If you're actually interested in what causes people to commit awful crimes, do some research into human behaviour. But it sounds like you just want to think 'the world is an awful place'.

I tend to not watch the news, due to the sensationalist bullshit and fear that they ram down our throat daily.

Fear sells, fear gets clicks and views.

i think the PP was making a joke....

I know what you mean.

Focus in on acts of kindness. It does help. I volunteer at various things and it's very heartwarming how many very good people are out there trying to make the world a better place. Even on public transport I'm taking note of how many people help each other out, help elderly people etc.....

People are largely good hearted. and want to live in peace and safety. We can try and bring up our children to be good citizens too and do what we can to make things better.

Half of all children used to die.

Look at infant mortality rates and life expectancy. There has never been a safer time to be alive.

It’s scary that these things happen sometimes but statistically it was worse when you were born.

From one serial worrier to another...

There is always something to worry about and you can't protect yourself or anyone else from absolutely everything. In different circumstances, you could be worrying about putting food on the table or an incurable illness....having gratitude for the 'good' things can help put things into perspective (sometimes...).

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, or that you’ve been successfully scaremongered.

I truly believe that we are less safe now than we were 20 years ago. Back then we hadn’t had a suicide bombing on UK soil (although it was coming), we didn’t have to worry about spree killers stabbing innocent people to death in broad daylight, and the idea of terrorism taking the form of a men semi-regularly driving vehicles into crowds would have been hard to comprehend.

It's getting to the stage where it could be worth having an extra child so there's safety in numbers. If everyone ends up poverty stricken it won't add so much to the worlds cabon footprint anyway

So, you're worried about other people's children spending too much time in their bedrooms on the internet.... but also complaining about how hard it is to parent kids through the peer pressure of getting onto social media. Riiiiiight.

I think you need to go for a walk.

Stop being so dramatic and be thankful you are safe.

How old are you, may I ask? I cannot believe posts like this, truly.

I’m exactly the same OP. I feel dread. I’m genuinely really surprised at the number of responses saying you need to chill as I thought more people would feel the same way, but on consideration it’s given me a bit of relief actually and I am reading every comment and trying to take in the advice

Well isn’t that incredibly patronising 😂 I’m turning 45 this year, thanks.

This. Get yourself off social media for starters!

My kids are 11 and 9 and have, and have had, no access to social media. Neither has a smart phone. It's not inevitable. You have a choice in how you bring up your kids and what you expose them to.

I'd be more worried about the climate than some random nutter.

Sounds like you would benefit from some therapy and counselling @BackAgainSlimLady You are overthinking things MASSIVELY. Life has always had challenges, and difficulties for people, and every generation worries about their children's future to some degree.

You need to chill a little. Life is not that bad, and even when it is, it gets better.

So old enough to remember the IRA bombings? Serial rapists and murderers making headlines in the 4 TV channels and 4 main tabloids/3 broadsheets? And all the individual actors who got broad exposure because of the limited outlets?

Times are the same, the horror is just a different flavour. What is worse today than in your childhood and young adult-hood?

Social media is not obligatory. You, and your children, can avoid it.

So this is an old article but there hasn't been an increase in attacks

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/0/many-people-killed-terrorist-attacks-uk/

Yeah no religion has ever murdered its followers...

I think part of the reason it seems to be getting worse is the frequency of negative news images broadcast into our homes in graphic detail, with the same story repeated multiple times a day and people discussing even more frequently online on social media.

That has to be a different relationship with events that would otherwise not effect us and which we have no control over than if you were reading the Sunday newspapers once a week etc.

Combined with population, that's 8 billion people now who something horrible could happen to and we'd likely hear about it possibly in graphic detail with news reporters asking witnesses or recently bereaved people who are likely still in shock how they feel, to create content for people watching from the safety of their own homes.

Another aspect is that our adults usually shielded our exposure to the dangers in our childhoods, but as the adult you are so much more aware of them for your children.

There was a study done after the Boston marathon bombing ( pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24324161/ ) which found that watching 6 hrs of news coverage about the bombings the week after it was associated with a stronger stress response than in people who were there.

Seriously, think about life a hundred years ago without the health care, the freedoms for women, the world wars etc. This is the safest period in human history with the least conflict. There are challenges, but we also have so much more technology and knowledge to tackle them.

My son was diagnosed with T1 diabetes last year, whilst it is a serious diagnosis which as far as we know at the moment he'll have to manage daily with every meal for the rest of his life. We are so grateful he was diagnosed in 2024 with all the technology and treatment available rather than any time in the past.

So I think what helps is limit our exposure to news (less frequency, less graphic, less immediate - Cal Newport suggests only reading a weekly magazine or paper that puts news more in context and analyses it like the New Yorker (he's American), spend time in nature and in community with real people in person rather than online where there is an incentive to be sensational and polarised for attention.

In general for anxiety I've found it helpful to separate the things I can control from those I can't and to focus my efforts on the former rather than worry about the latter which worrying won't help. Ancient wisdom from the Stoics and the Serenity Prayer etc and it works.

@BackAgainSlimLady , I suggest you sit down and read any popular science book about evolution and reflect on the many trillions of reproduction events, over many millennia, that led up to you existing and conceiving your children, and the zillions of proverbial bullets that were dodged to enable your direct ancestors to reproduce before they died - from not being eaten by bigger fish/dinosaurs, to not being wiped out by rival prehistoric tribes, to not dying of cholera or plague, to not being killed in any of many wars or starving in famines. Do you really want to consciously bring that unimaginably long ancestral line to an end? Do you really think things are worse now than at any point in the past?