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Original poster

Wedding Breastfeeding 8 week old

73 replies

RandomUser9876543211 · 21/01/2025 23:04

our friends are getting married end of April and out baby’s due start of March
We’ve booked a holiday inn 5/10 mins away before we were pregnant, as the venue is very expensive like 350. Wedding is no kids allowed so am searching for ideas

options we can see is:

  • One of us doesn’t go
  • we take it in turns throughout the day (will be breastfeeding too)
  • we book our parents a room to 5/10 mins away
  • Fork out 350 to stay in the hotel grounds and take in turns

what do you think is the best option (first time parents)

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 22/01/2025 00:31

I personally wouldn't be leaving the baby at that age, I just didn't like to leave them when they were tiny. Having your parents at the hotel might work for some people, but feeding can be unpredictable timing at that age and if they're 10 minutes away it will be annoying for you travelling back and forwards because you'd be missing big chunks of time going back and forwards. How far away from home is it for your husband to go without you if they are very close friends?

Goldengirl123 · 22/01/2025 08:51

We are pregnant???????

dizzydizzydizzy · 22/01/2025 08:54

Speak to your friends and ask them if you can bring a newborn. If not cancel. You may have to cancel anyway, depending on how things are going.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/01/2025 08:56

Ask bride/groom when they need final numbers as you don’t think it will be viable for you to attend without the baby. That allows them to offer for you to take the baby.

I went to a local wedding when my baby was 6 weeks but he would take a bottle so my mum brought him to be BF twice. This was my second baby, so easier than the first.

Lanawashington · 22/01/2025 08:56

OP hasn't mentioned anything about a male partner. I assumed it was two women and that both are able to breastfeed given the mention of taking turns

LilacPony · 22/01/2025 08:57

I personally wouldn’t go unless baby can be with you at wedding. If it’s a rough day, you may end up spending the entire day at the hotel because you can’t get away. And then you might as well have just stayed at home. Honestly, you’ll get in the car to go back to the wedding and within 30 mins you’ll need to return. You’ll be at the wedding checking your phone constantly waiting for a call to return. But when your with baby, you’ll be thinking about the wedding you’re missing. It’s a lose lose IMO

DappledThings · 22/01/2025 09:03

None of your options. I either wouldn't go or I'd check whether couple had come to their senses about a potentially only 6 week old breastfed baby and allow it to come.

Littlemisscapable · 22/01/2025 09:09

Don't go unless you can bring baby for the day. What sort of friends would insist you leave your 8 week old baby ?

queenofthewild · 22/01/2025 09:10

I took my EBF baby to a christening away from home at the same age. Obviously the christening allowed babies so he came with us.

No way would we have been able to manage the logistics of feeding and changing if he hadn't been close by me. If you can't bring the baby stay home x

Person1234 · 22/01/2025 09:11

I would either fork out the £350 or not go. A breastfeed 8 week old won't be able to be away from you for very long. I wasn't away from my babies for even 1 hour until around 4/5 months.

Goldengirl123 · 22/01/2025 09:15

Even if it is 2 women, how can they both breastfeed???

meganorks · 22/01/2025 09:18

Honestly, i would ask your friends if its ok to bring the newborn (just don't be upset if they say no). I went to 2 weddings with a newborn that were otherwise no kids. And two newborns came to my wedding. Honestly, they are not the same as kids. They aren't going to be running around causing havoc and don't need to be catered for. The rule is, if they cry you take them out to fees/comfort them. Personally, i took mine off somewhere quiet to feed. I didn't feel comfortable sitting round a table with others eating their dinner feeding a baby. Not least because baby can be easily distracted and fling their head back at a noise leaving me boob to the wind, potentially squirting milk😳

Anyway, they might say no because maybe it opens up a can of worms for other family members, but worth a try. Otherwise I think I'd either stay on-site or only one person goes. And realistically, if you are breastfeeding, that would be your DH.

InTheRainOnATrain · 22/01/2025 09:20

Presumably they know you’re pregnant and when the due date is given it’s quite close and still haven’t offered an exemption for ‘babes in arms’? If that’s the case then either DH/DP goes on his own or neither of you go. It’s not feasible to leave a breastfed newborn for any length of time really because you don’t know if the baby will take a bottle, if you’ll manage pumping or if baby will be in any sort of routine or predictable feeding schedule. They might spend the evening cluster feeding so that’s you stuck in a hotel room you’ve paid £350 for but still missing the whole party. It’s not exactly polite if you stand up in the middle of the speeches because DH who is upstairs has texted that baby is inconsolable and needs you to feed. Or what if you cancel last minute, because you realise once baby is here how it’s just not going to work but your friends have already done their seating plans and paid for your meals.

It’s lovely you want to be there for your friends but it isn’t realistic and I think attempting it and then it not working out is likely to have more of an impact on the friendship than just saying sorry guys, it’s too close to the birth, can’t leave a breastfed newborn but have a great day, here’s a congrats card and a contribution to the honeymoon fund (or whatever they’ve registered for).

mykettle · 22/01/2025 09:22

It's no kids allowed. You have a kid. Just give yourself a break and don't go, sounds like a whole load of hassle

Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 22/01/2025 09:24

Iamasentientoctopus · 21/01/2025 23:11

Double check with your friend. Often ‘no kids’ weddings let you bring a baby in arms. If this isn’t an option I honestly wouldn’t go. Your baby might come late and only be 6 weeks old. If you are breastfeeding baby won’t be in any kind of routine at this point so you will be back and forth to comfort and feed.

That’s a good shout. Could your parents come and hold the baby at the venue away from the ceremony (which is when quiet is best) and then go back to their hotel and you have the baby the rest of the time?

OrangeSlices998 · 22/01/2025 09:25

If they’re good friends and it’s a wedding you’d be gutted to miss, talk to the bride & groom. Most weddings I’ve been to that are kid free makes an exception for babes in arms especially breastfed ones that can’t be left.

Penguinmouse · 22/01/2025 09:27

Ask them if this includes babes in arms - there’s obviously a difference in a five year old running around and a newborn being held although if they do say yes, make sure that you leave the room at the first grizzle.

If it doesn’t, I think just cancel. If you were on site it would be easier but going back and forth will be tiring and not a particularly fun day! There are other options to feeding a baby than breastfeeding, not that the relies here would have you believe it, but the main challenge is knowing how your baby will be and how you will be feeling. If they say no to children, you may wish to cancel anyway so you don’t have to drop out at the last minute.

Thenosleepclub · 22/01/2025 09:28

Check whether they actually mean babies that small. My kids got the hang of breastfeeding quick and did decent stretches without milk by that age, but still generally preferred to be attached to me.
My last baby is now 7 months and getting louder/more noticeable but they have been to the cinema twice, to parents evenings, meetings, cpd courses.. and generally people barely noticed they were there, as in a sling they just napped away happily. Taking them would be the least stressful option for everyone if they don't mind.
Otherwise...ask your parents to come along. Mine did this for me when we had a 8month old for a no kids wedding, we had an air bnb all together nearby and popped back a couple of times.

mindutopia · 22/01/2025 09:29

We’ve had 2 childfree weddings when our dc were that age. In our case, Dh (closest friend to couple) went on his own and I stayed home. You can’t be running back and forth to an off site hotel. And £350 (!!) is way too much money to spend to spend most of the wedding not at the wedding. If it’s your dh’s friends I’d send him on his own (can share taxi and hotel room with another friend to save money too). If it’s your friends, I’d just decline. You can’t really make a childfree wedding with a baby who may be feeding every 1.5-2 hours for 30 minutes at a time work.

Orangelight23 · 22/01/2025 09:30

Most people will allow tiny babies at weddings even if there is no children allowed. Id check first. If not then I just wouldn't go tbh.

Butterflyfern · 22/01/2025 09:31

One thing that I didn't realise before I had a baby was that when they say "need to feed every 2-3 hours" the timer starts at the beginning of the feed.

At that age, a feed could easily be 30-40 minutes, plus burping & holding upright for 20mins if baby has reflux. Add in a 10 minute travel time then you've only potentially got an hour before baby might need feeding again.

And that's without considering baby might be cluster feeding (mine was at that age)

I can't see how it can work tbh

AKettleOfDifferentFish · 22/01/2025 09:33

Ask your friend if babes in arms are allowed at the wedding, explaining that you won't be able to come without the baby. If she says no then that's her prerogative, but you then just decline the invitation.

I have never been to a "child-free" wedding where there wasn't at least one small baby there. "Children" for this purpose usually means older children who would need a seat on the table plan plus a meal, etc (and whose presence therefore massively increases catering costs/reduces the guest list if space is limited at the venue).

LostittoBostik · 22/01/2025 09:38

Tell your friends that you'd love to come but you can't take a decision until after you've had the baby.

You don't know how things will be.

With my first child were in and out of hospital for the first 4 weeks after birth. At 8 weeks I wouldn't have been ready for a wedding.

But with my second child I would have been fine. I'd have just taken the baby with me in a sling and fed on demand. They're not that noisy at that age if they're an easy baby. If you have a difficult baby you won't be up to going at all.

LostittoBostik · 22/01/2025 09:39

Oh god if they won't let you take the baby in don't go . That's impossible. You can't leave an 8 week old as a breastfeeding mother

QuimCarrey · 22/01/2025 09:41

I might just plan for your partner to go alone.

Baby being due early March means could be mid March, especially as a first timer. You may be only 6 weeks pp and just not feel like it.