To encourage my son to break a friendship and contact friends parents as to reasons why.

[Kit71]

First time posting . DS 15y friend is contacting DS’s, girlfriend stating DS is not as nice as people think, will physically hurt her and that he is a liar. This is his only friend and it has also transpired same “friend” when they were not friends set him up to be attacked by a number of kids. DS now knows this as friend laughed and told him this . DS wants me to call friend’s mum and sort things out , he wants me to fix the relationship. I want to call the mum yet am sure her DS will deny all so won’t achieve anything . What would you do ?

Don’t make any calls and get your son to have nothing to do with him this isn’t a relationship to fix.

Absolutely not. Do not ring the parents. At 15 your son needs to manage his own friendships.

I’m surprised he even asked you.

I would report the bullying to school.
Investigate whether there are any underlying issues causing the lack of friends eg neurodiversity, self esteem issues. Encourage DS to block and ignore and try and find new friends. Encourage DS to join activities outside of school with different people eg Scouts. Considee changing schools. If I could afford it I would get DS private counselling to work through this and strengthen his social skills. If not I would be asking school if there's anything they can do to support.

Op this boy is not your sons friend! He sounds like he’s really got it out for him? With the malicious lies and the potential of the planned attack to be true, I’d be considering contacting the police. Your son needs protecting. I would be contacting the parent, there’s nothing you’ll be able to say to ‘fix’ their relationship, as their relationship is one of bully and victim. I’d be laying it out to the parent like you know the lot to be facts. That her ds has been spreading malicious lies that your ds assaults women, and that her son was planning on trying to get all his friends to jump him. If this doesn’t stop immediately you’ll be contacting the police

He’s a child? You wouldn’t protect your child against being attacked by a gang of boys, and your quite happy to have one going round spreading lies that he beats up his girlfriend??

I would not call the parents. This isn’t how fall outs between 15 year olds are sorted.

Explain to your son that contacting the parents won’t help and that it’s not like being 5 and an apology meaning that you can be friends again. Whatever this “friend’s reasons, I think that you need to explain to your son that this is not how friends behave. I know it’s hard only having one friend but it’s best not to have people like this in your life and he’s at high risk of this happening again and again.

If he is old enough to have a girlfriend I don’t think you should be getting involved yourself . Talk it over and offer advice.

You really think that the other parent can fix that even if they believed OP’s son?

Police and school are the only ones who can really help.

Do not get the mum involved, there's not much she can do even if she believes you (which is unlikely). Get DS to think through how it will go, that'll help him realise how daft an idea it is - nobody has ever decided they like someone more, and will be nicer to them because they told tales to his mum and she told him off.

Instead encourage your DS to think about whether he actually likes this boy, a friendship is not some sort of contract you can never leave - it's a consequence of mutual liking and respect.

No, not school’s problem. They have enough to do.

If it becomes bullying, contact the school. They have bullying policies in place and an established system to handle it.

The OP should not ring the parents. There won’t be a productive outcome and it could well make things worse for her son.

At the moment I understand it to be one boy slagging off the OP’s15 year old to his girlfriend, claiming he’s a liar and will hit her. That’s an issue for the lads to resolve between themselves.

I would definitely call that mum even if nothing comes out of it. It would at least demonstrate I care. Your son sounds isolated and desperate for support

it has also transpired same “friend” when they were not friends set him up to be attacked by a number of kids This is very serious. What happened with the attack? I would report this to the school if they were involved in sorting out the initial attack. Was there any police involvement?

Do not get involved like this. Adults getting involved in kids' relationships never turns out well. At 15 it's time they were managing their own friendships. Offer advice, but don't get physically involved.

Suicide is the leading cause of death in this age group. This boy is begging for help

Zero Suicide Alliance has a lot resources for all age groups https://zerosuicidealliance.com/

Has this all happened since dc started having a gf?

100% this! ⬆️

A student kills himself after being "cancelled " over rumours of sexual impropriety https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14060637/Oxford-University-student-20-killed-cancelled-female-friend-told-pals-felt-uncomfortable-sexual-encounter.html

What stands out to me is that DS wants to keep this 'friend'. That feels a terrible idea and I think your effort could be better used by supporting him to navigate ending this friendship and working on his self worth that he doesn't accept people into his life that do this. It's not a friend at all.

Perhaps he would benefit from thinking through how to open up his circle a bit more.

I'm not sure there's much to be gained from speaking to the other mum, especially if you don't know them already and given that the friend has already proven himself to be really unpleasant might make things worse for your son .

Bullying is very much the school’s problem and they should be proactive about addressing it when told.

OP do not contact the other mum. It will just make the boy even worse when he finds out your DS told tales on him. Encourage your son to stay away from this boy who is clearly not his friend.

Do not contact the parent. It never goes well.

I would contact school as I am assuming both boys go to the same school and would state the facts and ask for guidance from them. It doesn't matter that it didn't happen on school grounds. Ds2 was bullied in a computer game by a "friend" of Ds1's. We reported it to school, the child was punished and Ds1 dropped the friend immediately and told him straight no one treats his brother that way.

The 15 year old needs to understand there are consequences to spreading lies about someone and the threat of violence is incredibly serious. School deal with this sort of thing all the time.

The safeguarding policy document on the school's website will detail how the school will keep your child safe. Please contact school.

Agree with others. He needs to get away from this child and I wouldn’t speak to the parents

I would give my DS LOADS and I mean LOADS of emotional support to he’s confident confidence not to accept any nonsense from this boy - I won’t call him a friend of any sort.

i wouldn’t contact the mum / just not appropriate at that age.

What your DS has been through has been horrendous - I sympathise as went through similar at that age

Don't ring the parents as this little shit will have thought one step ahead and will just deny deny .