To encourage my son to break a friendship and contact friends parents as to reasons why.

[Kit71]

First time posting . DS 15y friend is contacting DS’s, girlfriend stating DS is not as nice as people think, will physically hurt her and that he is a liar. This is his only friend and it has also transpired same “friend” when they were not friends set him up to be attacked by a number of kids. DS now knows this as friend laughed and told him this . DS wants me to call friend’s mum and sort things out , he wants me to fix the relationship. I want to call the mum yet am sure her DS will deny all so won’t achieve anything . What would you do ?

Is there a reason why your son only has one friend? Generally at 15 you would expect him to have a couple of good friends and then a wider bunch of people to hang around with. Would he like more friends or is he very fixated on this one person? Obviously a good option would be for him to branch out and become friends with other people at school which would dilute the nonsense that this person is spouting. It's also a bit unusual for a 15 year-old to ask you to contact the other students parents, does he normally expect you to step in and sort out friendship dramas? What does his girlfriend think about what she is being told?

This definitely has the potential to transpire into something rather hateful if your son decided on the no contact approach and totally ignored him. I've done this before and ended up with police at my door after the offender graffitied some rather unpleasant words on my driveway and started to turn my other "friends " against me.

I wouldn't speak to the parents with both boys present but I'd ensure I have some evidence with me so when the other boy denies it, you can prove it.

This friendship can't be fixed and it does sound like a case of the green eyed monster for whatever reason. I'd politely tell his parents they need to deal with their son's behaviour before it escalates and the boys should stay away from each other and not involve or interfere themselves with other friends in their lives.

It doesn't matter how old they are, they are still children at 15 but definitely old enough to reap the repercussions of their actions

Stay out of it, don't call the mum, she won't do anything. Give your son good advice and let him follow it.

@Pottedpalm not the schools problem when bullying is going on ?! You are wrong here. I'd hate to be your child going through this!

Do not contact the mother. It would almost certainly make things very much worse.

I'd contact the school, not just to report this behaviour, but to express concern about your son. If this is his only friend, and this friend is manipulative and cruel, as a parent I'd be worried about my son's choices.
He clearly needs support with his confidence and his social skills. So there are two parts to this:
a) that the friends behaviour is picked up on my the school, and b) your son needs support so that he is less vulnerable to being bullied or taken advantage of as he approaches adulthood.

At 15 I wouldn't call the other parents. I would encourage your son to cut him off and meet other people.

If this other child was mine I'd like to know this - it's this child that has the real problems. Sounds psychopathic. But people are never willing to hear their child is a bully from another parent, and making contact yourself won't help and may exacerbate the situation.
Good advice here about how to help your son to be resilient in the face of this bullying - blocking, other social outlets. Keep calm and steady with your son.
Tell school and the Police because this child may escalate their claims about your son and put him in jeopardy. They need to be stopped.

Totally agree with all this

Agree with first sentence . I’d really encourage his confidence by giving loads of emotional support - this makes a huge difference to a child’s decisions

Thanks for all the replies - they really have helped give me perspective.
i emailed school and they have contacted me to discuss .
head of year plans to speak with the police officer who in-reaches to school about requesting to check friends phone and deleting any video of DS as well as conversation risk of doing so .
DS has been in touch and still choosing to hang out with friend despite all information he has learnt. School have appointed a teacher DS trusts to speak with him about the friend’s behaviour and support him in processing this.
DS has additional learning needs though no diagnosis, slowed processing .
will monitor closely - place boundaries to restrict DSs time with friend. His girlfriend has offered to introduce him to some of her friends. He has a circle of friends at school they don’t tend to mix out of school.
will not context friends mum unless further episodes. Thanks again

also - school we’re v supportive
appreciated being made aware and made me feel they want to support where they can .

That's a wonderful update