AIBU to think that partner encouraging 4 year old to swear is the final straw?

[JM376]

My partner and I have been on the rocks for a long time, and I’ve been on the brink of leaving for a while, never being able to pluck up the courage. We moved to a different part of the county a year ago and leaving would mean completely relocating to be close to family, son would have to change school etc. And although he is verbally/emotionally towards me, I e always said to myself that they need their dad.

He is a very short tempered, aggressive man, and I’ve always been so scared that my little boy will turn out like him.

A couple of days ago I was saying I think it would be good if ds went to a club outside of school, like squirrels, where he could have fun and make some little friends. Boyfriend starts saying maybe he could go to boxing… or cage fighting! (A 4 year old?!)

Boyfriend swears all the time and now ds has started picking up on it and thinks it’s funny to copy. I have obviously been saying these are naughty words and not to copy, but boyfriend is pushing him to say them.. saying he can talk however he wants.

i feel like I’m watching my lovely, sweet, thoughtful little boy turning into him in front of me and it may be time to leave. But in the back of my mind wondering if this is a good enough reason to take them away from their dad.

Yanbu.
He will start at school and it will unfortunately have him labelled unfavourably and a poor reflection of his background.

Leave asap.
Good luck.

Pretty soon your sweet little boy is going to know how to swear and be abusive to women. He is watching you modelling what you think is acceptable for men to do. He needs more positive male role models as otherwise he will think this is normal.

Get this shitty waste of space away from your precious son now.

Honestly, leave, go home to supportive people, things won't get better
Good luck - are you renting? Easier if you are, otherwise get a solicitor

Please leave him. Not just for your little boy, for yourself too. You both deserve better and he sounds frankly awful 😔

I wouldn't just be looking to leave, I'd be looking to move to the other side of the country to naturally limit contact time.

Any chance this shitty excuse for a human being doesn't have parental responsibility?

No, YANBU. I remember an interview with an experienced US law enforcement officer who was talking about parenting. He said along the lines of teaching little ones to swear was the first step towards turning them into delinquents.

This man will be who you son copies. Leave with him asap.
Your rebuild a life and be happy again.

God knows why you thought this man was a suitable person to bring children into the world with but yes leave quickly and don’t look back .

That says it perfectly. This man is a disaster as a parent. OP, your DS will be the child that other parents don’t want their DC to mix with, if he carries on copying his dad.

Please leave. You both deserve so much more.

Another one saying you're not being unreasonable OP, in fact if anything, you're being unreasonable if you stay! You AND your son deserve so much more, than some shitty little scrote who thinks it's funny to teach a child to swear or fight!

Your partner sounds like a dick.
I know this all sounds a bit retrospective… but if the thought of your kid turning out like your partner is so abhorrent, why did you start a family with him??

What the hell? Get rid of this horrible man

I voted yabu because you should have left well before now . . .

Would you want your son to turn out like this man?
If not, get the hell away from him

Look at your thoughtful, sweet, lovely little boy. Now imagine him age 16, a strapping young lad reaching nearly 6 foot. And getting in your face and saying "Shut up you fucking bitch". Because that's exactly how he will turn out if you stay with your awful partner. Either that or so traumatised by witnessing his Mum being abused he has severe MH problems. Sorry to come down on you like a tonne of bricks but people need to think about these things sometimes for the wake up call. You have the power to change the trajectory of both your lives.

Preschooler cage fighting/MMA is a thing unfortunately. You can find clips on YouTube and plenty of articles online. On a par with dog fighting but sadly not illegal - grown men crowding round yelling at crying children to hit each other. Any parent who suggests they put their four year old in a cage fighting match should lose custody, in my opinion. They aren’t fit parents.

Let me guess, does your partner also have an untrained XL bully called “Murderer” and facial tattoos? Because that is the vibe I’m getting. Leave him and move far away if you don’t want your son to end up exactly the same as him.

Whilst I know it’s scary, you can’t honestly tell me you can see spending your whole life with this loser?

If not now, when? When will it ever be a better time?

It sounds like your boyfriend is an immature idiot. I’d go as far away as possible. Kids need good influences in their lives, not scum dads.

Try to find better male role models for him. Self defence is ok, but cage fighting?!

Please leave him. Go and be near your family and bring up your son to be a man you will be proud of x

Of course your son will go down this route if you stay. You are fighting a losing battle. What attracted you to this ‘aggressive, short-tempered’ man as a partner and father to your child in the first place?

I’m hoping the outcome of this is that you have made steps to leave him as honestly, I would be the parent who doesn’t want my son hanging around with yours. Get out, move far away and don’t look back.

Trouble is...if you leave, that poor boy will be on his own with this man several times a week and you won't know what's going on then. Caught between a rock and a hard place, unfortunately.