AIBU to think that partner encouraging 4 year old to swear is the final straw?

[JM376]

My partner and I have been on the rocks for a long time, and I’ve been on the brink of leaving for a while, never being able to pluck up the courage. We moved to a different part of the county a year ago and leaving would mean completely relocating to be close to family, son would have to change school etc. And although he is verbally/emotionally towards me, I e always said to myself that they need their dad.

He is a very short tempered, aggressive man, and I’ve always been so scared that my little boy will turn out like him.

A couple of days ago I was saying I think it would be good if ds went to a club outside of school, like squirrels, where he could have fun and make some little friends. Boyfriend starts saying maybe he could go to boxing… or cage fighting! (A 4 year old?!)

Boyfriend swears all the time and now ds has started picking up on it and thinks it’s funny to copy. I have obviously been saying these are naughty words and not to copy, but boyfriend is pushing him to say them.. saying he can talk however he wants.

i feel like I’m watching my lovely, sweet, thoughtful little boy turning into him in front of me and it may be time to leave. But in the back of my mind wondering if this is a good enough reason to take them away from their dad.

I feel like I’m watching my lovely, sweet, thoughtful little boy turning into him in front of me and it may be time to leave. But in the back of my mind wondering if this is a good enough reason to take them away from their dad.

The best reason of all, I'd say.

Of course you need to leave. You know that already, why are you even asking. Staying with this man will teach your son the wrong ways to treat a woman, and that this is normal behaviour when its not! Is your son at school? Id be mortified if my DCs went into class and started swearing at the children and teachers. Id also be furious if one of my DCs came home swearing because theyve learnt it off your kid. He'll have no friends because everyone will want to avoid him. Leave now, move back to your family and pray that this waste of space doesn't want shared contact. You'll be lucky if he only bothers a few nights a month, id be worried about even leaving my DC alone with him for a day but that's not a reason to stay with him. Im never one to say keep kids away from their dads but in certain circumstances like this then they deserve it.

Why do you think he needs a dad that is a bad influence and intends to ruin your child?

Ignore this. He won't be looking after his son alone for long if at all.

My father (alcoholic, serial shagger, wifebeater) taught his toddler son to swear, in fact taught him to scream "fuck you mummy" in my mum's face. Luckily, he wandered off soon after I was born and never came back.

As a result, my two brothers are lovely men: both happily married for over 20 years, devoted dads, adore their wives, very hands on. Would they have turned out so well if they had been raised with their deadbeat dad? I hugely doubt it.

When I worked for Womens Aid we supported a woman that was abused by her partner and he would encourage their 2 young boys to swear, then it was aimed at her and calling her names.
This behaviour escalated and he one day made them help him push her down the stairs and cheer when they did it.
When they came to us those boys were so damaged but had a lot of therapy and support.
Please don’t let him ruin your little boy and turn into another one like him.

Hi OP, I agree with you, you need to leave. Your son's dad is teaching him dreadful behaviour (towards you) including how to swear, but sadly you are teaching him it's ok too, because you're not leaving and teaching him you deserve respect too. I wish you really good luck, must be a terrible position to be in, the reality of packing that bag and taking your son, but please go, and soon and don't look back. The question isn't whether or not it's enough to leave, but how on earth is it better to stay. xx