Autism and surmising things

[Ezlo]

I'm autistic and one trait is that I very easily surmise things and jump to conclusions. This is getting me in bother at work, for example today I surmised that something had happened when it was a different outcome. How do I help myself?

Keep your conclusions to yourself until they're confirmed.

Argh this is so hard isn’t it OP!

Did you summize because of lack of information or information overload? Was there an opportunity to get more information/clarity (and I’m guessing here) if there was did you feel uncomfortable asking for it (because sometimes people don’t get our ND thought processes)?

With autism, it can be hard. The mind jumps to all sorts of conclusions.

It is hard and I'm tired of getting in bother for it! It was both information overload and lack of further information...the minutae! I was unable to get the information at that time. My boss is getting pissed off at me for jumping to conclusions. I also overthink massively.

I always need the full information or I get things the wrong way round.

I sometimes can get the full information but then forget key points or get them completely wrong. I have to write everything down.

@Ezlo

Is your manager aware of your struggles?
You should be able to ask for reasonable adjustments - what do you think would help you to manage better.

There is nothing wrong with having to write everything down, it's much better to have notes and checklists than be on edge all through time
It's also much better to have the full information rather than rush into decisions

That's hard, OP. I teach a boy with this tendency at the moment, and his mind fascinates me! He will extrapolate at lightning speed and draw conclusions which are almost feasible, if only they weren't also simultaneously so way off. I spend a lot of time 1:1 with him, and we work a lot on slowing everything down, efficient note-taking and differentiating between what is known, what is assumed and what is imagined. He also over-thinks, so we work at paring things down. I've not got much good advice other than slow down and take time to gather what information is available in the form you find it easiest to process.

It's hard to know what would help without context but could you, for example, make sure you take lots of notes from meetings (co pilot will transcribe teams meetings for you if you have it) and then email your boss/the attendee with a brief overview of what your understanding of the meeting was and the actions points arising from it.

Or even at the end of a meeting or discussion just check your understanding - summarise what you just discussed and what you are required to do.

I would definitely recommend access to work (unless a civil servant) and get some coaching on strategies that work for you around information and communication. It’s so difficult when you’re brain is overloaded with sensory input and then you get information overwhelmed and are expected to do normal processing and not do the “blurts”!

Please don’t get freaked out with the form filling for access to work - super simple/straightforward. The hard bit is figuring out your needs - but we can group think that or just DM as happy to help.

With the autism, I have been tested by the doctor who is certain I'm autistic and am now waiting for an appointment with the team at the hospital which could take years, so I feel like a fraud saying to my boss that I'm autistic. I know I am though.

Got it in one.

Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way all the time when you’re ND. The OP is asking for strategies to help. Just saying keep your conclusions to yourself isn’t really helpful or always possible in a work setting.

What are your strategies?

Write down your theories in a journal. But with each theory have a section for evidence and assumptions. Then review it regularly. You might discuss doing this in collaboration with a mentor.

Write it down
Count to 10
Do some deep breathing
Put some aromatherapy on your wrist and sniff it when you feel yourself about to blurt something out
Go for a walk
Excuse yourself from the situation

I’m not Autistic I’m ADHD so there is overlap but both conditions have differences. With ADHD I have a strong drive to finish other peoples sentences and interrupt, not because I’m rude but because of executive dysfunction and issues with short term/working memory.

For me it would largely depend on the pace of the situation. If it was slow pace, change to a department structure (for example) I would spend a lot of time processing the associated information and maybe using a text to speech function to read the document to me to help me process the information. I would have more time to think and process useful questions to ask and their would be dedicated time for me to ask those questions without feeling awkward or misreading and picking the wrong moment. Over time I would be able to better understand and make informed opinions.

However ND Britain’s are often hyper vigilant and so this is how as short sharp change can (not always) be perceived as a threat and misinterpreted and we rely on historic data and patterns to fill in the gaps we don’t understand in an NT world. In more frenetic situations I would be perhaps buddying up with a colleague to test my assumptions as I go through a situation. However if you don’t have this you may have to rely on using AI.

The thing is just not saying something isn’t a strategy, it’s a glib remark - our brains sometimes just do things and sometimes they’re either viewed as wrong or are just factually wrong but this isn’t on purpose. ND people spend their working lives trying to fit into “the norm” and being judged for different thoughts patterns, after a while this becomes emotionally tiring and hurtful. This is where we may be come hesitant to ask clarifying questions or ask for information to be put in a format accessible to us because we perceive we will be seen as difficult or weird. Then there is the issue in the work place of the expectation people say something just to be seen as- we may not have something to add but feel obliged to say something and this can result in something like the OPs situation.

It is excessively tiring navigating a world that doesn’t work the same way you do and is reluctant and judgmental of you when you ask for accommodations or decide to be yourself.

You haven't provided any useful information to the OP. You don't have the same condition and no two people present in the same way.

It's not a glib remark to suggest that they wait until they have all the necessary information before speaking out.

If someone compulsively speaks out then there aren't any strategies they can adopt as you can't control compulsions.

No but she has adhd and they tend to express empathy by telling people their own experiences in the area being talked about.

Oh don’t worry @Hankunamatata this person doesn’t seem to want to understand.

Op can you give an example of where you have jumped to a conclusion in the past to understand your thought process?

I find this interesting in connection with a couple of people I know. I'm curious to understand why it is difficult to maintain an 'I don't know' area in your mind. So to divide things into 'known, surmised, guessed, unknown.'

No two people with autism are alike and autism is not ADHD. The OP isn't about expressing empathy.

This is a good strategy. I used a similar strategy with a team member who struggled to consider the evidence / facts and would just jump to a conclusion - usually what ever popped into her mind.

By writing down the facts and considering them / taking some time they were able to improve their decision making and also give a balanced reason why they had come to that decision / conclusion.

Doing this will give you space /time to consider the facts without having to try to remember everything , possibly missing something or misremembering something.

Remember often a conclusion isn't needed immediately, it's ok to take a little time and reflect and will certainly help your relationship with your boss .

Reasonable adjustments don't need a diagnosis to be put in place. So you could say to your manager that you were on a waiting list for an autism assessment and thought x and y would help you in the workplace. I would follow this up in writing though, so that there is a record that you have disclosed a disability.

And writing things down isn't a bad thing. I once worked in an office that had a dramatic improvement in productivity when we all started writing notes. We all had a better idea of what was going on, what we were meant to do and if we'd remembered to do it.