Accidentally booked a trip away over my best friends birthday

[brassandswitch]

So I've just spoken to my best friend and showed her where I'm going on holiday with family in July, only for her to mention I'm away over her birthday. Completely forgot and didn't realise - I wasn't here last year either as I was away for work. She gets very touchy about it. I've apologised and she's genuinely upset at me for it. AIBU?!

Is she 5? She needs to grow up.

This is where she realises she's a grown up and not everyone is available for her birthday outing.

Really? Sounds really odd to me, you are going on a family holiday, why would you consider a friends birthday. Surely people don’t do that do they? I have never had a friend say oh you will be away on my birthday.

No, she is being very unreasonable here!

I haven’t been able to celebrate my best friend’s birthday in person for about 6-7 years. We are adults with jobs and family responsibilities that mean we’re not even in the same country most of the time.

You can get her a nice gift and invite her out to lunch before or after the holiday. Would she really have an issue with that?

Jeez is this best friend 15?!

Tell her you’re sorry you’re away but you would love to celebrate the week before/after.

She sounds immature.
You are adults. Birthdays can be celebrated on a different day. People don't have to plan their holidays around someones birthday.

Is there a big party planned that you should have worked round?

If not, this is just a question of you celebrate friend's birthday just before or just afterwards.

Bonkers. Does she celebrate your every birthday?

Sorry but I don’t have much time for adults who seem to think everyone’s plans should revolve around their birthday.

Hundred percent this 😆

I know celebrating birthdays seems to be a really big thing for a lot of posters on MN but I don't see why this an issue.

She is an adult for heavens sake.

You can still buy her a gift before you go, send her a card and message her on the day. And celebrate with her either before you go or when you get back.

I really don't understand why your holiday arrangements should be dependent on a friend's birthday. If she is annoyed about it then she is being extremely childish and unreasonable.

No nothing is planned and she always leaves it last minute anyway and she gets stressed and changes her mind every 2 minutes on what she wants to do. I don't celebrate mine anymore as I can't be arsed. Wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable or if she was the one being unreasonable 🤣

For avoidance of doubt, YANBU

Fix a date with her before you leave to celebrate in advance. The important thing is to show you care and commemorate her birthday somewhere near the time, not to slavishly schedule your life around the actual date!

Did you have plans you will no longer be able to make? Or verbally commit to keeping the date free to spend time with her? Or had a historic pattern of always doing things together not hat date where she would expect it and think last year was a blip? If yes to any of those, I don't think she is being touchy. Especially if she is single or you are her closest person. Otherwise it's probably an overreaction.

Adults who insist that people drop everything for their birthday are really tedious.

Unless it is a milestone birthday, and she’s already ‘saved the date’, don’t pander to her being upset.

I've already bought her tickets to a concert in July which was her birthday present anyway so she can't complain

No it's her being unreasonable OP. My friends birthday wouldn't even enter my head when going away. It just doesn't.

Tell her you can do something before or after and she can have 2 if you want to appease her.

She sounds like hard work.

What is the matter with her? I have very good friends that I've known for 50 years and I haven't seen any of them on my birthday since we were at school.
Your friend needs to grow up, OP!

I don’t think needing to be there for your friend’s birthday is a thing as an adult!

How very odd of her.

Sorry, what? Your friend expects you always to be available just because it happens to be her birthday? She's ridiculous and sounds mad.

I agree with @SummaLuvin

If she's single and would usually celebrate her birthday with you and may now be on her own, I can see why she might be upset. I think it would be nice if you suggest another date to celebrate her birthday with her.