Is it ok to not include kids when going on holiday

[Orchidsunlight]

I mean adult kids over 18, dh and i want to start holidaying just us, i feel so guilty though so havent done it yet , kids now in 20's , is it 'ok' to do this and be a litte selfish?? Have done family holidays every year for a long time and to some amazing places.

Of course They are adults. Do you think they will take you on holiday with their partners or friends?

Of course.
It’s really alarming you’d worry about this.
And we take our 20somethings away a lot but it’s very much why are we doing this?! Because they’re lovely, everyone has ridiculous schedules and funnily enough independent as they are 2 weeks winter sun with the rents is their human right
We also go away without them and would prioritise that if we had to.

Do they have other people they can go with? I don't see any issue with it, but if they were otherwise not getting a holiday (because they didn't have anyone else who wanted to go) I'd probably let them tag along at least once a year if they wanted to, for a few years yet. I'd expect them to pay their way, though, and I'd also have a holiday without them if I could afford it.

I do both . I take mine away as I want to enjoy it whilst they are still wanting to come with me !
but I have shorter breaks away without them too

no one else to go with, tbf we took the 19 yr old last year as they said yes but 22 yr old didnt want to, this year cant afford 2 main hols so dh and i going abroad just us ,,,,,why do u i feel so bad

Our older 2 are 19 and 20 and have their own holidays but have always come with us for the main summer holiday, new years holiday and some other random weekends and weeks away through the year. We also have a younger teen, it’s nice for him too.
dh and I have a week away every year without them and have done for a few years, it’s blissful 😂
but we enjoy spending time with them, they’re good company on the whole and one day they may have their own families, not want to come away with us or may move away themselves so we enjoy it while it lasts.

but we cant afford to do both otherwise would, so what do we do

I'm assuming they either work or are in university?

One day they won’t want to come with you … so I would make the most of it and enjoy them while you can. They won’t be around forever .

Ask them. If they want to then include them, won't be long and they won't ask to be included.

I do understand the guilt because I've experienced it myself.

One of mine is 21 and the other is nearly 19. Both are at uni. After doing the "dream family holiday" after GCSE/A-level year a couple of years back and really enjoying it we invited them both on a similar trip last summer (US road trip) even though the dream holiday was supposed to have been the last big one because it was expensive., because I knew that soon enough they'd both be off doing their own thing, and well, they were quite good company on the previous road trip. I paid for all of it so they got a very good deal in my view! (Both also went on their own holiday with friends/girlfriend separately.)

Well, while it was a thoroughly enjoyable holiday and we all had a great time, and it was lovely to have 2 more adults to plan things with and to have new experiences with, this time round it was noticeable how much more they had the urge to do things THEIR way. eg choose specific restaurants etc. Which caused an issue at times. I mean, due to our ages, DH and I are most likely never going to go back to that part of the US ever again, whereas they have their whole life ahead of them to go again and choose specific places where they want to go to, so dammit, I wanted to go to the restaurants I wanted to go to!

And I guess a small part of me thought "well, we ARE paying, so why SHOULDN'T it be our choice?" So sometimes there were sometimes clashes of opinion over things. Always respectful, it was just a difference in preference, but that's just what comes with being a young adult, and living away from home. They want to do things their way. And that's exactly as it should be, and a natural progression with young adults growing up. But it was apparent by the end of that holiday that there was going to be a natural "parting of the ways" in holidaying from then on. Which means the guilt has gone!

So this summer I've booked a cruise for just DH and me (cos it's a special anniversary) and it's an adults only cruise too so I can't bloody wait! Dh and I had a few days on our own in Rome a couple of years ago and it was just unbelievably nice to be just me and him for a change without having the responsibiltiy for anyone else's happiness. Later in the summer I've booked a cottage by the sea in this country for a week and planning on doing lots of walking, pub lunches, and generally chilling. It has a second bedroom and whoever wants to tag along is welcome, but at the moment they both say it's too much of a boring holiday and don't want to come. Can't say I blame them at their age but they may change their mind if they want a change of scene and a promise of meals out with someone else paying.

So I feel both DH and I have turned the corner with the guilty feelings and are looking forward to a new chapter with it being just us on holidays from now on. It has to stop somewhere. I'm not saying that's it forever, but I can't see us having an "annual family holiday" from now on as a routine thing. Apart from anything else, it's getting harder to time everything so that everyone is free at the same time.

Book the couple holidays, OP, and enjoy them!!

TBH our adult dds were happy to come on holiday with us more than once - if it was somewhere they wanted to go and we were paying!

My mum and dad would do one family holiday a year and then holidays on their own without us. We didn’t resent them for it ☺️

Do they live with you? I’ll be honest I can’t imagine going off and not inviting the kids who live with me. I guess it’s different if they are still living at home years into adulthood but I would be inviting a 19 and 22 year old if they lived with me.

After years of family holidays it is good to just have time for yourselves, so no need to feel guilty. You are just transitioning from your focus being parents to focusing more on each other now the dc are becoming independent. From holidays as parents back to holidays as a couple as the priority shifts.

The nature of holidays with the dc also changes if you do take them as late teens/ early 20s. We've been on holiday with adult children. We've also been the adult children, but we don't necessarily spend every minute together. It's just getting your head in to a different mindset as to what defines a family holiday.

You can choose to visit restaurants, museums or places of interest, which they may choose to join you at, but can also do their own thing. Some days you spend together, others you want to do something separately.

We found it quite nice to mix it up and then share what we'd each done when we met back up later in the day. Sometimes we split up with the dh and I going together, and sometimes we each went with one of our dc. So I went climbing with one son while my hubby played golf with another dc.

Once they are over 18 it isn’t your responsibility to provide holidays for them. Do they work? Could they contribute? We did everything we could for our DC but once they went to uni they worked every vacation. It didn’t even occur to me that they should have holidays provided for them.

thanks so much, you understand!! I would ask them but i dont think it would be great for reasons this poster states, they want to sleep in late, go to different places to dh and i , we have gone ahead and booked a cruise too, but if we ccan afford it will try a weekend away and ask them, we did do that last year and one came along but grumbled about the wifi and being bored !

I've an adult daughter as well as 2 teens , last year went on holiday without eldest for the first time as she couldn't get time off , felt weird but couldn't be helped , going forward it'd be awkward if we went away with the younger 2 and not include the older one but it just isn't easy plan things around another adults schedule. We have gone away a couple of times alone and I recommend that . The teens have no interest in the things we want to do and would happily lay around but I want to get out and see things .

We haven't taken our sons on holiday for a couple of years now, they are late teens early 20s.

The only trip we would do together is skiing I think

They get bored on a beach holiday.

It was a bit different for me as when my DC were actually DC I couldn't afford much in the way of holidays (single parent on a tight budget). So once i was earning well I took them to a couple of their bucket list places. By which point they were early 20s. But now they're older I either go places alone (as do they) or if we're going somewhere together they mostly pay their own way. I might spring for the odd dinner or excursion. I couldn't afford to pay for grown adults who have their own money.

By the sounds of it you've already provided some good holidays so I wouldn't feel guilty about going away by yourselves. Things do (or should) change as DC grow up. Sure if you had unlimited funds it would be nice to pay for them but you obviously don't so why you should you forgo a holiday for that reason?

Me and hubby have decided to go abroad alone for the 1st time in 25 years and I have horrendous mum guilt about not taking my 19yr old, we are very close and she still lives at home with us, our son is in uni and lives away from home. We had a big family holiday last year where we took my son his gf and our daughter which we paid for ( sons gf paid her share). Im not able to relax and look forward for the holiday.
Should I be feeling guilty is this normal? Hubby and I need time together but the guilt for leaving her is horrible.

I went away for the first time alone with my husband a few years back , I felt immense guilt before going , husband nothing 😆. We really enjoyed it , we only had to suit ourselves it was great .

My brother and I were left at home from 15/17 and similar ages for my friends. My parents did a week abroad then as we got older and they realised we could cope they went for two weeks. They left a full fridge and £200.

Mine are not invited once they are 18. I think it’s ridiculous the amount of older teens who still tag along with their parents! Occasionally for a something celebration I get but usual family holiday it’s a no from me!

Non of us went on holiday with our parents after we reach 16. We were our own people with independent lives, either working or at uni.
We loved our parents, were very close and enjoyed fantastic family holidays but that was when we were kids, as soon as we reached the milestone of 16 we all did our own things and it allowed our parents to go away even more frequently and for longer.