Is it ok to not include kids when going on holiday

[Orchidsunlight]

I mean adult kids over 18, dh and i want to start holidaying just us, i feel so guilty though so havent done it yet , kids now in 20's , is it 'ok' to do this and be a litte selfish?? Have done family holidays every year for a long time and to some amazing places.

I first went away without my kids for a weekend when they were 5 & 2, they stayed with my parents.

I went on a proper holiday without them when they were about 10 & 7, I went with my newish partner, they stayed part with my parents and part with their dad.
Continued to do this on and off for the rest of their childhood.
Also took them away.

Took ds2 (18, post alevels) away on safari just the 2 of us last summer, ds1 (21, post uni) didn't want to come. We had a fab time, amazing holiday.

Am currently away with DP for a week, didn't cross my mind to ask either of the ds, now 19 & 22.

They've both continue to go away with their dad on a family camping holiday with his partners extended family, although ds2 didnt go this year, and I don't think ds1 went a couple of years ago.
They haven't been away with their dad & nuclear family for a few years.

Mine are not invited once they are 18. I think it’s ridiculous the amount of older teens who still tag along with their parents! Occasionally for a something celebration I get but usual family holiday it’s a no from me!

I think that's incredibly sad. Our eldest child is 18 in February but we have two younger. I can't even imagine telling him to get stuffed, you're 18 now so you're not coming to Greece on the family holiday with the rest of us this year. Just awful.

Dh and I go on trips alone and have for several years. But they're in addition to family holidays, not instead of.

It's not unreasonable.

My parents went to New Zealand for a month when I was about 22 and my sister 25, leaving us home alone (we both still lived at home). The year after they spent 3 weeks on the west coast of the US. Would we have liked to have gone? Absolutely!
Did we begrudge them it? Not really.

And funnily enough, we started going on holiday again together 15-20 years later! My dad's health wasn't great, and mum appreciated another adult or two to help out with UK breaks. And when he died we went further afield, understanding it might be mums last chance, and being there as a support. She and I are off to New York together a week tomorrow! I'm 40, she's 70.

They can come if they pay for themselves but they’d much rather ( as we hoped they would be independent) use the money to go with friends! I’ve not been on holiday with my parents since I was 16, then I was busy having a great time with my friends!

For the last 3 years dh and I have a had a summer holiday where we invite our adult children (who both still live at home 22 & 24) youngest has came with us every summer, eldest prefers staying at home, love spending time with them and then dh and I have also had a winter break just the two of us.

both still go on holiday with friends too.

Ours all come - they are aged 15 , 17 , 19 , 21 and 23 ! Wouldn’t dream of going without them . In fact changed our usual ski holiday time this year so the eldest two can come along . Love us all being together . It’s not forever so I’ll grab it as much as I can !

I haven’t taken mine on holiday since they were 16 and 20. Your absolutely right to start having time away alone if that’s what you want and works for your family. It worked for ours and that’s what we do ( both daughters been away last two weeks and were away next week) also means the cat doesn’t have to go in a cattery

I think it’s fine to not invite them

ideally you manage your own holiday with dh and then a separate one with then IF they’re keen

That must cost an absolutely fortune

My 2 older kids are 23 and 21. This year and last year the 23 year old didn’t want to come on the family holiday - he went with his gf and her family instead. Sooner or later DD will want to do her own thing as well. So I like taking her along. Perhaps when she’s “grown out of” family holidays I will invite her for a long weekend away together every now and then. I’m very conscious that opportunities to spend this sort of time together are limited.

Have a wonderful time!

I would be surprised if they wanted to come we with me

We did this last winter for the first time- not by design. We wanted to book a week in the Canaries in the middle of winter as we are finding winter much harder (mental health wise) as we get older. We invited both DCs. 16 year-old was up for it but DC19 couldn’t get the time off work so then younger DC didn’t really want to go either as It would have been pretty boring for him without his sibling there (we had made it clear we weren’t planning on much in the way of activities- just a lot of relaxing and reading). So we went just the two of us. We went for 5 nights as a whole week felt too long. At various points I did feel guilty, yes. Because they were stuck in grotty winter weather working hard at college and work while we had a jolly! But they insisted I had nothing to feel guilty about (it was only me, btw, DH didn’t feel at all guilty 😂)

We enjoyed it so much that we are going again in January- just the two of us. I think the difference for us is that we were still able to afford to offer them a holiday in the summer- a campsite holiday so less luxurious but it’s still a holiday. One of them took us up on it and the other didn’t.

If our budget would only stretch to one holiday per year, I would def be inviting the kids and letting them decide whether they want to join us or whether they’d rather do their own thing. Next summer they’ll be 18 and nearly 21 and I expect both will want their own friend/partner holidays, but we’ll invite them camping again anyway and hope one or both will join us.

We’re also hoping to do a big AI holiday somewhere a bit more far-flung in the next few years for all of us. It’ll be easier now that they’re out of school to go away in the winter! It’ll probably be the last big family holiday that we would pay for (other than camping which is our regular summer hol- we would probably continue to invite them on those, along with a friend or partner as the overall cost is so much lower than a long haul or AI holiday).

As a “child” who lived at home well into my 20s we did a bit of both. DM had enjoyed skiing in her younger days so she had a couple of trips to do that without DB and me but we also had some holidays together. Even after I had left home DM and I had some lovely holidays to France and also to see relatives in Canada.
Of course, multi-generational holidays can be great once there are DGC on the scene - a large villa or cottage can work out cheaper per head and, of course, you should have potential babysitters on tap!

I don't know if it's a newish thing, or parents with more money always used to do this.

I had my last family holiday, coincidentally my first sunshine holiday, with my parents, aged 15.
After that I went away with friends- camping or abroad with a boyfriend, and my parents for the first time ever got to go on "nice" holidays because they weren't forking out for four. I was so happy for them!

Please don't feel guilty for having a holiday with just your husband, go enjoy your cruise!

I'm a lone parent on a limited budget and feel no obligation to provide holidays full stop, and certainly not past 18. I may choose to pay or partially pay on into the future if everyone is very aligned on what they want to do and if it suits me, but it's my money, my choice. I really enjoy holidays with my daughter (now 14), much less so with my son (now 18). For the last few years, he has been working summers and has joined for a few days but he doesn't seem to enjoy it, which in turn affects our enjoyment so will not be doing that again unless he has a major change in attitude. He and I get along famously day to day, something about being away just doesn't suit him/us. And that's ok, no point in flogging a dead horse.

No need for guilt whatsoever. Everything a parent does for their children once adults is largely a choice rather than an obligation. This massively extended childhood dynamic - where it is 90% give by the parends - is exhausting, expensive and a product of an age of privilege.

Yes , always broke !!! Ah no , we are lucky . No mortgage and two good jobs and pensions . Anyway , only for a short , precious time . Hopefully we will have plenty of cheap holidays with just the two of us later if we are lucky enough to stay healthy .

Thank you, hubby doesn't feel the guilt must be a mum thing. Ill obviously leave money for emergencies etc, I feel a bit more relaxed now, this is our 1st trip away together alone in 24 years so I suppose its natural to feel this way. Thanks all for the supportive messages.

I'm following with interest as SD is approaching adulthood and we are wondering at what point we stop paying for her to come on family holidays, especially as there's a big age gap and it's hard to find holidays that appeal to her and her sister (5). I feel guilty at the thought of the 3 of us going somewhere without her, but we can't realistically afford holidays for 3 adults and 1 child.

My parents stopped including me as default at 18. Although I would still get asked until my brother hit 18 a few years later but I would have to pay for the majority of it.

We have had one holiday without our children (8 and 4) for our 10th wedding anniversary. Not necessarily selfish but I wouldn't do it often.

I’m from a big family, only the youngest went on foreign holidays and then only for a few years.

I have a friend who just spent a fortune taking 2 adult children abroad who spent most of it sleeping anyway.