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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lack of quality time and built up resentment

26 replies

Tinyt2018 · 20/01/2025 20:44

I 32 F have been with my partner for two years 32 M we both have children but on the whole have free time during the evenings and I have every second weekend and Sundays child free, partners child lives with her mum, I am lucky to spend two hours a week with him and on average can go 10 days without seeing each other to then spend as little as just a couple of hours, I feel like if he wanted to spend more time he would , I am feeling very unwanted , resentful and to make matters worse whenever we get into an argument it is always me to grovel, beg and pleaded to see him, he takes away spending time together as a weapon I think , never once in an argument when he has been wrong has asked to see me or made hardly any effort , currently he has made no plans to see me and I asked when was he free, to be met with “what for” beginning to truly resent his childishness.. AIBU for feeling like I just don’t want this anymore ?

OP posts:
Catza · 20/01/2025 20:48

You don't want this anymore. Trust me. Run and run fast.

devastatedagain · 20/01/2025 20:48

YANBU.

Kids come first, I get that. I've got kids myself.
BUT
I'm next. ME.

Not work/the pub/golf/ex wife/extended family/mates/football. - ME.

You're not asking for much and you deserve a boyfriend who can spare you more than 2 hours a week.

PashaMinaMio · 20/01/2025 20:51

Take the scales from your eyes, look into the light, and move on.
He’s not that into you.
Stop wasting your time.

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 20/01/2025 20:51

I can't stand people who play stupid games and would be moving on from this bloke without a backwards glance.

You are worth more.
You are a fabulous, attractive, intelligent woman who deserves a relationship with a mature adult man who appreciates you.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/01/2025 20:53

My God do not grovel beg or plead to see anyone!!!! Work on your self esteem! Would you want your dc to be treated like this?
And hate to break it with you if he's seeing you that Little he's probably seeing other women too.. he clearly doesn't care. Stop torturing yourself, rip the plaster off, clean break and move on.

Darkmorningsarethepits · 20/01/2025 20:56

Now tell us why on earth you are staying in this relationship?

List what it is you want out of a partner relationship and decide if he meets these goals eg someone who cares deeply about you, someone who is kind and honest, someone who shows you that you matter and they enjoy your company, someone who tries their best not to upset you or hurt your feelings etc etc etc

He appears to be VERy wide of the mark.

You do not have to settle
You have choices
There are other potential partners in the world

Your kids need you to model good relationships and self worth

RickiRaccoon · 20/01/2025 20:56

He's making it too hard for so early in a relationship. I'd go find something less complicated and someone who actually jumps at the chance to see you.

Sallycinnamonspice · 20/01/2025 20:59

Why do you beg and plead? Why do you stay in a relationship like this?

thistimelastweek · 20/01/2025 21:02

You spend two hours a week together.
How do you spend that time?

Needamagicfairy · 20/01/2025 21:21

He's not your boyfriend he's someone who likely uses you for sex

Endofyear · 20/01/2025 22:25

I wouldn't want to be with someone that I had to beg to spend time with me. His actions are speaking loudly - he isn't that bothered about seeing you. Dump him and move on with your life. You deserve better!

Original poster
Tinyt2018 · 21/01/2025 07:23

Thank you all for your replies, yes amongst other things too in the relationship, there isn’t really one to start with so it seems

OP posts:
Kitkatfiend31 · 21/01/2025 07:45

2 hours a week is not a relationship. Move on.

BogRollBOGOF · 21/01/2025 08:28

He's not a partner, he's a very casual boyfriend. Dump and move on. You deserve better.

LittleMonks11 · 21/01/2025 08:31

Don't waste another second of your life on this man baby please.

NeedToChangeName · 21/01/2025 08:31

Sorry, he's just not that into you

Don't be a booty call. Aim higher

FetchezLaVache · 21/01/2025 08:37

Fuck him off OP. Just don't get in touch and when he crawls back to ask when he can see you, reply with "what for?" then block the wanker.

Original poster
Tinyt2018 · 21/01/2025 16:46

To be honest, I’ve worked out that in the past 18/19 days I’ve spent 2 hours with him and he has been off with me for days, I just can’t continue on,wrongly or rightly we made plans to speak last night at 9pm and I got a message at 8.53 saying sorry I played one more game online and I’m going to go shower now so go to sleep if you want , I feel so annoyed at the fact that he had made plans with me to chat he told me the time , he told me at 8 he was going to shower didn’t message me for almost an hour to be met with that.

i asked him the other day if he was free at the weekend all I got was I’ll let you know , he’s not made any attempt to see me or even mentioned it , you’re all right , 2 hours in the best part of half a month isn’t worth it he lives ten minutes away and drives, I don’t , it can take me easily 50 minutes to walk and wait for a bus before I even get on it sometimes (the particular bus is dreadful)

the energy and desire is not reciprocated

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 21/01/2025 19:12

Just cut him out of your life.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 21/01/2025 19:16

So, you clearly know that you're wasting your time OP, have you text him and told him you're done yet? If not, why not?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 21/01/2025 19:25

He is literally not interested in you in the slightest and is trying his hardest to ghost you. Just let it go!!!!!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 21/01/2025 19:25

I can't believe you're even giving it this much headspace just block and delete him

AffIt · 21/01/2025 19:28

Why do people use the word 'partner' when what they mean is 'shitty sort-of half-arsed boyfriend' (and making that work hard even then)?

FFS, OP, get out of this.

7ft1garysson · 21/01/2025 19:29

Tinyt2018 · 21/01/2025 16:46

To be honest, I’ve worked out that in the past 18/19 days I’ve spent 2 hours with him and he has been off with me for days, I just can’t continue on,wrongly or rightly we made plans to speak last night at 9pm and I got a message at 8.53 saying sorry I played one more game online and I’m going to go shower now so go to sleep if you want , I feel so annoyed at the fact that he had made plans with me to chat he told me the time , he told me at 8 he was going to shower didn’t message me for almost an hour to be met with that.

i asked him the other day if he was free at the weekend all I got was I’ll let you know , he’s not made any attempt to see me or even mentioned it , you’re all right , 2 hours in the best part of half a month isn’t worth it he lives ten minutes away and drives, I don’t , it can take me easily 50 minutes to walk and wait for a bus before I even get on it sometimes (the particular bus is dreadful)

the energy and desire is not reciprocated

How old is he? I would say he’s acting like a child but my 10 year old nephew has more respect and emotional intelligence than this twat.

seriously get rid, he clearly doesn’t want a relationship with you

GrandmotherStillLearning · 21/01/2025 19:31

Tinyt2018 · 20/01/2025 20:44

I 32 F have been with my partner for two years 32 M we both have children but on the whole have free time during the evenings and I have every second weekend and Sundays child free, partners child lives with her mum, I am lucky to spend two hours a week with him and on average can go 10 days without seeing each other to then spend as little as just a couple of hours, I feel like if he wanted to spend more time he would , I am feeling very unwanted , resentful and to make matters worse whenever we get into an argument it is always me to grovel, beg and pleaded to see him, he takes away spending time together as a weapon I think , never once in an argument when he has been wrong has asked to see me or made hardly any effort , currently he has made no plans to see me and I asked when was he free, to be met with “what for” beginning to truly resent his childishness.. AIBU for feeling like I just don’t want this anymore ?

Your self confidence and low self worth will worsen. Please seek support.